I just wanted to introduce myself to everybody here. I have been lurking around for a few weeks, posting here and there but I really don't have any friends or contacts on here yet. I would like to change that! I'm just gonna give you some background and a basic story of what led me here. I just turned 21. I have lived in the same big city for most of my life (hint: its super hot here and full of lights). I am a college environmental science major and getting up to my last year. I live with my HS senior sister (who managed to get into prom court, doubt she'll get queen lol), my littlest brother, and my mom and stepdad. I work at a doughnut shop on the side (where I CONSTANTLY get customers asking, "How do you stay so skinny?" and "You don't like doughnuts, do you?":dry. Though I am getting hired at a Starbucks instead so I can finally say goodbye to those demon pastries (I eat them. Too much). Despite my love for doughnuts, I actually am obsessed with ice cream. Ice cream makes any day happier! And despite both of these, I am actually very into eating veggies and vegetarian meals. I am not an actual vegetarian however. But I wouldn't complain if I had to be one. There's those obsessions and also as my avatar currently shows, I <3 Colbie Caillat! I really enjoy reading, music and television. I go jogging and tan. Blah blah. Oh and I'm learning some things on guitar! I mainly identify as gay, although I have had romantic interest in a couple girls (for a few years), along with all the goofy feelings. I think it has always been in me but it has taken many years for me to realize and understand who I am when it comes to sexuality. I was not one of those that "always knew" or anything like that. I think I always felt different but not gay different, just different different. For example, at 5 years old we were at McDonald's and got happy meals. The toy was a power ranger figure. I got the black ranger but I remember wanting the pink ranger sooo bad. I had Mom go and ask them to trade the toys... I have yet to hear the end of that story. I was attracted to Kimberly (that was her name) but I don't know how so. I have always appreciated beautiful girls but maybe it is more like appreciating art. Those feelings have always been hard to sort through. Even now I feel . . . happy(?) when my sister does her hair or looks beautiful. I think it is more of a sentimental thing I suppose. At any rate, it took me FOREVER to realize I didn't like girls enough and that in fact, I prefer guys. Other hints were that I never enjoyed wrestling with my older brother and stepbrother. I have never had a ton of interest in sports. But that was possibly because I suck at them. Soccer I did play for a couple years though. I'm more into writing and art. I always have had way more girl friends and hardly any guy friends. I cook, clean, and my taste in music isn't very typical of guys. But being raise very religiously, I just grew up never considering I was anything but straight. We never discussed sex or masturbation or any of that. I never watched porn so I had no clue. Eventually I realized I envied some guys and looked more than I should. And at 12 I did see a graphic picture and it wasn't the girl I was interested in. . . Despite that, I still was clueless. At 17 a girl on the phone told me she liked me. I had to let her down. She hung up and I called and left a message. Some how I heard my voice through my phone and that was when it hit me. I had a "gay voice" and even a slight lisp. I was horrified. After staying up thinking and thinking, I felt like I somehow deserved to be gay. I wasn't man enough to be straight so this was just what I deserved. I was shaking and ready to break. Sitting at the computer I was thinking this. Thinking I wanted... someone to understand. Someone to be close to... I wanted a guy, not a girl's comfort. Out of loneliness and desperation and curiosity too I ended up looking up pics of guys. Done deal. I'm gay or gay enough. Flash forward 3 more years and I am still completely in the closet. I haven't formed any crushes or perceived crushes on girls since that night. Feeling like I am going crazy and having a harder time focusing on getting things done, I came across this site. I don't really know what I want out of EC but to just read what others like me have to say and to feel like I can belong somewhere. This is the most I can do... at least until I finish school, move out, and get myself a boyfriend! I look forward to interacting with everyone and just being a part of EC. For those who read this whole post, LOL thanks! BTW, the district manager who is also gay gave me the nickname Pixiestick. People either call me B or Pixiestick. I don't eat them ever but that is what he called me. It's not like I'm so flamboyant that I scatter fairy dust either. . . Idk. A few call me that but most people just call me B.