Hi, I'm new here... live in Florida... just graduated college... looking for jobs and new friends. I have been following this forum for awhile now and decided to join during my down time. I do not remember how I came across this site.. must have been when I was searching for self-help stuff. I'm gay... known for at least 10 years (21 right now). I have never completely accepted it though. I'm barely out, only to a few friends that I have not seen in years or will likely ever.. so its like I'm not out all over again. I already have a gay brother which is my main reason for not coming out. After my parents initial reaction to when he came out (when I was really little... he's 34), I was terrified. I didn't even know what being gay meant back then. It kind of scarred me. Even though they are accepting of him now, they seem to hold it as a grudge against him. They refer to me as the golden child, because I am neither gay nor a screw-up (like the middle brother). I guess I'm just not ready to tarnish that. On top of this, I have been struggling with horrible depression... which seems to be getting worse as the days go on. I've lost all my college friends since graduating, have over $100,000 in students loans to pay off, no job prospects in sight, a severe self esteem/confidence issue, all on top on the struggle with my sexual orientation... secretly among my ultra conservative family. I know I'm just in a rough transitional period in my life, but I want my life to begin.... one where I can be myself. I don't even talk to anyone anymore. That's where EC comes in.... so yeah.. that's me..
:smilewave and welcome to EC. Don't stress too much, we will help as far as we can, you've probably seen we are a friendly community, so join in, be part of the community, who know, maybe it will help a bit with your depression, especially now that you can talk in confidence and openly about everything that bothers you. I know that amount of debt is huge, so it's like this one BIG mountain you have to get over, and you're not even near the base. I can relate somewhat to that. As for the family issue, well each have to find his or her own way in life. I think it will be better to have one screwed up kid (your other brother) and two happily gay kids, rather than one happy kid, one screwed up kid and one depressed kid. But we are here to help you scale up that big mountain in front of you! If ever you need to talk, well you know what to do!
