Hello, After joining about six months ago and posting all of twice I am back. After I worked up the courage to post months ago I then got into a stage where I jumped way backwards and tried to shut out all my feelings because I felt ashamed and scared. Now im back to hopefully finally stop running away from myself both literally (i love to run) and figuratively. Also just some background im a graduated h.s. senior in small town middle america. last week i got all state honors in track and academic all state in track also. I am going to an academically elite (and very socially liberal) college next fall and will likely be a varsity xc runner. I am not out at all and I think most peole world be surprised if I told them. thanks in advance for the help you all will provide.
Welcome to EC! I hope you'll like it here. Most people are surprised when I tell them I'm gay so you're not alone!
Welcome to EC! I'm glad you decided to come back. The shame associated with being closeted can be huge. And as you may realize, a huge amount of the shame dissipates just by talking about it, so it's great that you're facing up to it now, it will make college a much better experience for you if you can be out there. (And unless you're going to an uber christian school, no one will care.) I'll tell you a little secret: There are a LOT of male XC runners who are gay. I wouldn't hazard a guess as to percentage, but, for example, I (who am decidedly non-athletic) have at least 9 gay friends I can think of right off the bat who were XC runners in high school or college, and most of them you definitely wouldn't guess at first glance (but, of course, good gaydar would still easily pick them out.) By contrast, the number of football, basketball, or hockey players I know who are gay... I can think of one. So it seems that maybe XC attracts more poofs than other sports. Soccer seems to also. If you feel comfortable sharing, I'm curious which academically elite and socially liberal college you are going to. I know a lot of them in the midwest and a few in the northeast.
Welcome back to EC! :smilewave It's great that you're finally accepting yourself. And congrats on your honors in track! :newcolor:
Welcome back. I really hope the site helps you this time around. Fighting your inner battles is a long and hard road but it certaintly helps when you have people there to help you or know what you're facing. For the record, there's nothing wrong with you The shame will subside as you face your fears and see you're amazing & perfect the way you are!
Op, Thanks to everyone who has replied. Chip I will be going to Grinnell College next fall. This is fantastic because aside from its prestigious academics and really good xc team they are also incredibly socially liberal (gender neutral housing, every floor has gender neutral bathrooms, probably anywhere from 15-25% of students are lgbt).
Your post struck a chord with me. I just wanted to say keep going on your journey... have courage to be true to yourself. I tried to come out when I was 21 but very quickly shut the feelings away again because I got scared. Once more it happened at 25. Now I am 34. The feelings are still there, no surprise. I am finally facing up to them but I also have to deal with 20 years of suppressed feelings and baggage. So... have courage and take it one step at a time. It is perhaps no accident you will be in a socially liberal college. Enjoy it and be free to be yourself!