Time to Introduce Myself... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

WallyGirl · 12th Jun 2012, 06:04 AM

Hello EM Community!

I'm a 45-year old straight woman who recently learned my 15-year old son is gay. The qualifier is that I found out by accident and he has not yet come out to me. My immediate mama bear reaction was to talk to him about what I learned and let him know I support him, am proud of him and love him. But some intuition held me back, and my research brought me here, where I got some very good advice from some of you about waiting until he came to me and letting this be his process. So that's what I plan to do.

In the meantime, instead of dwelling on "when will he tell me?", I plan to do work necessary to get myself to the best possible place so that when he does come out I can make it about him and not me. My husband and I have appointments set up with our pastor and a counselor. I've also gotten some great book recommendations from people here and plan to start doing some reading.

But honestly, the thing I've found most helpful is spending time on these boards and learning from all of you. Your honesty, authenticity, compassion and respect have had a powerful impact on me, and reading about your fears, coming out stories, and experiences has really helped me get an idea of what my son has experienced or will experience in the future. So thank you for allowing me to learn through you! While I imagine my particpation here will be more taking than giving, I hope you are all okay with my continued presence and I will contribute where I can.

My hope is that my son opens up to me soon. When that happens-next week, next month next year-one of the first things I'll do is make sure he knows about EC as a resource for support and education. At that point I'll delete my account so he can have his own private place to come and get information without mom looking over his shoulder.

Ryukotsu · 12th Jun 2012, 08:36 AM

Welcome, and just to let you know I have absolute respect for a parent who genuinely cares for their child and is going to lengths to support them

**Ethan** · 12th Jun 2012, 09:07 AM

Heyo, welcome to EC!
You're absolutely wonderful.

Willisilliw · 12th Jun 2012, 09:16 AM

Hi! Nice to meet you! Welcome to EC!
You are an awesome parent! I think everyone here can be a huge help to you and your son.
So... Welcome!

Snowy song · 12th Jun 2012, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willisilliw

You are an awesome parent! I think everyone here can be a huge help to you and your son.

I second that ^
and of course, welcome to EC.

samizer0313 · 12th Jun 2012, 11:33 AM

Welcome!

What you are doing for your son is amazing!

rainbowfox · 12th Jun 2012, 01:27 PM

Hiiiii

you are undoubtedly welcome to EC

EC is almost like a big family and now we have a great mom in our Family

there is something else that i should add, I told one of my straight friends about the great thing you are doing for your son, and she said that she really really loves you

silverhalo · 12th Jun 2012, 02:16 PM

Hey welcome to EC, dont worry you dont have to qualify to be a member anyone can join.

**thecat06** · 12th Jun 2012, 02:23 PM

Hello and Welcome!! It's good to see parents like you!!

CrystalRaindrop · 12th Jun 2012, 02:33 PM

Hey, welcome to EC!
It sounds like you're a great parent and it's great that you're okay with your son being gay. I hope that you'll find EC helpful for when your son finally comes out to you and that it'll be fine in the end.
Don't worry about the whole "taking more than giving" thing, all of us here are willing to help those who ask for it. You're welcome here for as long as you want and can ask whatever you want.

Aeon Magus · 12th Jun 2012, 05:01 PM

Hello, WallyGirl, and welcome to EC.

It was the right thing to do, to not confront him about this. Give him the time he needs to find the words to tell you. It's a pleasure to have a supportive parent on the forums, so make yourself at home.

WallyGirl · 12th Jun 2012, 07:56 PM

Thanks for the welcoming words! And for the permission to crash your community

I look forward to getting to know you all and learning from you.

12th Jun 2012, 06:04 AM	#1
WallyGirl Newbie Regular Member Gender: Female Location: Minnesota Posts: 6 Join Date: Jun 2012	Time to Introduce Myself... Hello EM Community! I'm a 45-year old straight woman who recently learned my 15-year old son is gay. The qualifier is that I found out by accident and he has not yet come out to me. My immediate mama bear reaction was to talk to him about what I learned and let him know I support him, am proud of him and love him. But some intuition held me back, and my research brought me here, where I got some very good advice from some of you about waiting until he came to me and letting this be his process. So that's what I plan to do. In the meantime, instead of dwelling on "when will he tell me?", I plan to do work necessary to get myself to the best possible place so that when he does come out I can make it about him and not me. My husband and I have appointments set up with our pastor and a counselor. I've also gotten some great book recommendations from people here and plan to start doing some reading. But honestly, the thing I've found most helpful is spending time on these boards and learning from all of you. Your honesty, authenticity, compassion and respect have had a powerful impact on me, and reading about your fears, coming out stories, and experiences has really helped me get an idea of what my son has experienced or will experience in the future. So thank you for allowing me to learn through you! While I imagine my particpation here will be more taking than giving, I hope you are all okay with my continued presence and I will contribute where I can. My hope is that my son opens up to me soon. When that happens-next week, next month next year-one of the first things I'll do is make sure he knows about EC as a resource for support and education. At that point I'll delete my account so he can have his own private place to come and get information without mom looking over his shoulder.

12th Jun 2012, 08:36 AM	#2
Ryukotsu Member Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: About a Kinsey 5, teetering toward 6? Out Status: The people who I feel need to know, know. Location: West Virginia Age: 22 Posts: 96 Join Date: Mar 2012	Re: Time to Introduce Myself... Welcome, and just to let you know I have absolute respect for a parent who genuinely cares for their child and is going to lengths to support them __________________ "Liberty must at all hazards be supported. We have a right to it, derived from our Maker. But if we had not, our fathers have earned and bought it for us, at the expense of their ease, their estates, their pleasure, and their blood." John Adams, 1765

12th Jun 2012, 09:07 AM	#3
Ethan Formerly known as Nazo EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few and then some Location: Flint, Michigan Age: 20 Posts: 2,757 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: Time to Introduce Myself... Heyo, welcome to EC! You're absolutely wonderful. __________________ "You cannot roll with me," said the Big O, "but perhaps you can roll by yourself." "By myself? A missing piece cannot roll by itself." "Have you ever tried?" asked the Big O.

12th Jun 2012, 09:16 AM	#4
Willisilliw Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: 98% gay Out Status: My mom and her bf Location: Scottsdale, AZ Age: 16 Posts: 62 Join Date: May 2012	Re: Time to Introduce Myself... Hi! Nice to meet you! Welcome to EC! You are an awesome parent! I think everyone here can be a huge help to you and your son. So... Welcome!

12th Jun 2012, 11:33 AM	#6
samizer0313 Rainbows and Unicorns! :D Full Member Gender: Genderfluid Orientation: Panromantic Demisexual Out Status: Bi- Anyone, Gender- close friends + boyfriend Location: Western Ohio Age: 16 Posts: 1,150 Join Date: Feb 2012	Re: Time to Introduce Myself... Welcome! What you are doing for your son is amazing! __________________ Coming out is like a firework. You may get scared of the bang but it is beautiful afterwards.

12th Jun 2012, 01:27 PM	#7
rainbowfox Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: 7 friends, including my parents and 2 gay friends Location: middle east Age: 23 Posts: 205 Join Date: May 2012	Re: Time to Introduce Myself... Hiiiii you are undoubtedly welcome to EC EC is almost like a big family and now we have a great mom in our Family there is something else that i should add, I told one of my straight friends about the great thing you are doing for your son, and she said that she really really loves you __________________ Dr. Seuss: 'In my world, everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!'

12th Jun 2012, 02:16 PM	#8
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 30 Posts: 4,220 Join Date: Dec 2008 Tournaments Won: 21	Re: Time to Introduce Myself... Hey welcome to EC, dont worry you dont have to qualify to be a member anyone can join.

12th Jun 2012, 02:23 PM	#9
thecat06 Let the journey of life continue! EC Moderator Gender: Let's say Pangender! (Leaning towards male) Orientation: Let's say gay!! (Homoromantic Demisexual) Out Status: Pretty close to 100% out. Location: Central and Northern Ohio Age: 20 Posts: 7,332 Join Date: Jun 2011 Tournaments Won: 10	Re: Time to Introduce Myself... Hello and Welcome!! It's good to see parents like you!! __________________ The tide of history only advances when people make themselves fully visible. -Anderson Cooper

12th Jun 2012, 02:33 PM	#10
CrystalRaindrop Mentally Ill Genius Full Member Gender: Genderqueer Orientation: Panromantic Gynesexual Out Status: Some people Location: Daytona Beach, Florida Posts: 639 Join Date: Feb 2012	Re: Time to Introduce Myself... Hey, welcome to EC! It sounds like you're a great parent and it's great that you're okay with your son being gay. I hope that you'll find EC helpful for when your son finally comes out to you and that it'll be fine in the end. Don't worry about the whole "taking more than giving" thing, all of us here are willing to help those who ask for it. You're welcome here for as long as you want and can ask whatever you want. __________________ "Man is free at the moment he wishes to be." -Voltaire

12th Jun 2012, 05:01 PM	#11
Aeon Magus EC's Blue Gaylien Full Member Gender: I go peepee standing up xD Orientation: I'm a Man's Man Out Status: The people that I care about most. Location: Western Cape, SA Age: 27 Posts: 2,919 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Time to Introduce Myself... Hello, WallyGirl, and welcome to EC. It was the right thing to do, to not confront him about this. Give him the time he needs to find the words to tell you. It's a pleasure to have a supportive parent on the forums, so make yourself at home. __________________ Sing me a Painting, I'll paint you a Song Inside my heart is breaking. My make-up may be flaking, but my smile still stays on. The show must go on.

12th Jun 2012, 07:56 PM	#12
WallyGirl Newbie Regular Member Gender: Female Location: Minnesota Posts: 6 Join Date: Jun 2012	Re: Time to Introduce Myself... Thanks for the welcoming words! And for the permission to crash your community I look forward to getting to know you all and learning from you.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Meeting my girlfriend for the first time. Advice needed.	missyjustice	Coming Out Advice	2	1st Mar 2012 02:34 PM
I feel like a ticking time bomb	Taylor	Coming Out Advice	14	14th Nov 2010 11:20 PM
On Vacation-Having a bit of a rough time.	katmando	Coming Out Advice	3	16th Oct 2007 08:00 AM