A happy hello to all! I am already happy to be here. Why? I donno, I guess because I like happy gay people, and you all, even those who are troubled, seem happy deep down inside. I'm happy, I'm gay, I'm completely out. Oh, and I'm 57, and single. And while I'm NOT really happy about that particular aspect of my life, overall, I'm a happy guy. (!) I read posts on this site from time to time (yes, lurking) but today for the first time I began to read maxx's posts. And I just couldn't stop myself from joining. The only 2 things that I know of that I have in common with maxx is that we both like guys, and we are both "getting up there" in age. But somehow his writing and his frustration tugged at my heart. I know that I should put this in the coming-out stories thread, but my coming-out story is very short. I lived most of my life in Southern California. I must admit that I had a lot of sex with guys from sixth grade on. I was never wanting for that, but it was my secret. When I was 22, I met a guy who was BEAUTIFUL. HOT HOT HOT! I seduced him, we became a couple, he knew I was in the closet, he took me to a gay bar in LA, (then called The Blue Parrot, on Santa Monica Blvd.), my first time in a gay bar. THAT WAS IT! The second I stepped across that threshold I knew I was "HOME" for the first time in my life. It was literally like someone had lifted a 200 pound weight off of my shoulders. From that moment on, I didn't give a rat's behind who knew. My life changed inside of one second. Ever since then, overall, I've been a happy guy. So why did maxx's story move me so much? Maybe it is because he's such a good writer. Maybe because I am gay, single and 57. Maybe because I also often look back at what today I know were missed opportunities. Please allow me to make that part clear here in my introduction now... I was a bad boy. I was young, making good money for a young guy, a little on the slim side, but going to the gym kept me toned. I was working an off shift and spent my days at the beach; I was sun-bleached blonde and bronze skinned. I always looked young for my age. I was a party animal and a regular at many gay bars. I was a bad boy. I'd see a cute guy from behind and know that I was taking him home that night, and it almost always worked. A different guy every month. That kind of bad. It became a habit and a lifestyle. That was my life for many years. The opportunities that I missed were the ones that could have involved a lasting, meaningful relationship. The point is, not coming out early is not the worst thing in the world. And maxx, I'll post some thoughts on your thread later. I need to digest your situation a little more. But I'm happy to be here. While this is my first time exposing myself to you all, I do feel like I know a little about some of you from my horrid lurking. I'll stop doing that now and start participating. Peace, love, and understanding. That's how I roll.
Hi Pastol - and welcome to EC. As a newbie here myself, I have already found incredible support and advice (including yours!) It's such a comfort to know that we aren't the only people on the planet that have complicated their lives in crazy, chaotic ways. I think it is easier to find our own answers by reflecting on the stories and comments of others. I've carried this 'burden' for so long, never even so much as discussing it with anyone previously, nor posting on forums like this. Perhaps that's why my posts can be long-winded - I have a lot of time to make up! Maxx
Welcome! It's always nice to see long-time lurkers joining and contributing, and also nice that we're getting an influx of older members as well. It's definitely never too late to do the self-work that makes it possible to go from short-term flings to longer-term, healthy and meaningful relationships, or to acknowledge sexuality that's been buried for decades. It's great that you're here and I hope you'll stick around!