Hi guys and gals. I was googling "how to come out to my wife" and thankfully stumbled across this site! I am 25, I've been married for 5 years, and have a wonderful 2 year old son. I've known about my attraction for men since the 6th grade, but pressure to be "normal", and the drive to have kids of my own allowed me to pretend to be straight all these years. I have decided that I am tired of living a lie, it is not fair to me or my wife. Staying married for my son was a thought at first, but I know staying married for that reason alone could cause problems in the future. I had my first encounter with another man yesterday, and it's been eating at me all night. I feel guilty, but at the same time it was amazing to finally act on what I know my heart wants. That is the final straw in me deciding to come out. Now that I've experienced it, I know I'll want more and I do not want to resort to living a double life behind my wife's back. Again, not fair to either one of us, and she has the same right to happiness as I do. I am honestly scared to death. I don't know what will happen as far as custody, how she will react, how my family will react, it's all so frightening. I am hoping to find some advice on taking the leap. Thanks in advance everyone, I am happy that I've stumbled across this forum!
It's great that you found us! Welcome to EC and hopefully you get the help that you're looking for. Check out this thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-stories/63722-married-gay-coming-out-seems-impossible.html
Hi and welcome, I am so glad that you've decided to stop living a lie. Coming out to your wife, might be really hard for you and for your family. But you're right, living a double life isn't only unfair to you, but to your wife and kid. It's rather better it happened so early in your married life than later, cause then it can get very ugly very quickly. But I am so glad you found EC, we will always be happy to help and assist you through this difficult time. As for custody, well most of the times if you have a proper job and your wife has a proper job, the court will easily assign joint custody, that is if things don't get weird or ugly at first. But speak to your wife first before you think of anything else. Don't tell her your intentions right away, or that you're gay right away, break it slowly to her. Some woman, who finds out the guy they married turned out to be gay, may have some psychological impact on their lives. (Things like whether she isn't beautiful enough for you, or weren't what you wanted in bed, allot of things.) So this will be hard on her too. At least promise me this, that you 2 won't fight in front of your kid, rather take it out in a field where the kid can't hear you (if it comes to that).
Welcome. Take your time and run every possible scenario in your head, and prepare yourself in anyway for a wise response to as many of them as you can. Make sure there are ample funds, in the case that you may have to do an impromptu move. Not to mention the possibility of a pricey divorce, as well as making sure you have adequate necessities and furnishings for your child if you are awarded any sort of custody. Do you have health insurance? How about your child? Your wife? A therapist could help you deal with the guilt as well as help condition you for the aftermath, eg: depression. A child therapist is also good to have on hand, I don't know if you will decide to tell him just yet, but if you do, it may help to ease the transition for him too, as they are specialized in juvenile mindset, even if you decide to wait to tell him, at some point it will be known, perhaps even accidentally. a therapist can help with negative feelings towards you, as well as attempt to ease any negative peer influence like bullying. Your wife may surely need a therapist, obviously for a variety of thoughts and emotions she may have. It will be good to have insurance in these cases. Not to mention if it will be your preferred method to not use protection, you will most definitely need to periodically test for STDs. I'm not trying to insult your intelligence, I'm sure you have thought of these things as well as numerous other situations that may arise that I could mention. I figure I will save my breath as you seem very capable. Feel free to contact me if you'd still like to talk, or vent. On a side note, support groups such as this one may be very key for you personally in getting through this. We want nothing but the best for you and your happiness. I'm glad you found us. Good luck!
