Hi 43yrs male & married Ive been married for 20 years have two of the best adult kids in the world & wanting to come out! I've known I'm gay since I was 13 but but have always pushed it down deep! Stomped on it! Poured cement over it! Medicated it! Drunk it!! But It always claws its way to the top!!! I recently had some inner self prompting to help accept that I'm gay. A few months ago after one of my kids friends came out of the closet at aged 17! He reminds me so much of what I was like at his age! But I didn't have the internet to research what it was to be gay let alone supportive friends an or family!! Until I was 17 I truly thought I was a freak of nature! The only one! I have the perfect wife, life & work but I can't push my secrets down inside anymore!! I'm sick of living in that dark tunnel, lying to myself and everyone else! I plan to tell my wife this Saturday. I feel scared & alone and don't know where this new road I've turned onto will take me! A voice inside me keeps saying 'you have it all! Why throw it all away?' but i now feel a louder voice is trying to to get out to be heard! Your thoughts & advice would be appreciated
Welcome to EC. I'm sure there are plenty of people here who have been in that position and can give you some advice. I hope you find what you are looking for.
Hey welcome to EC, dont worry you are not alone here, there are several members that are or have been in your situation.
Hello bundybundy20! yeah, your situation is really not one of the easiest! Just one question? Have you ever made a gay contact? I mean sexually with another guy? Cause it's one of the things you could be thinking... why throw it all with something you don't even know how it is! Well it is hard, especially, which I assume, you are not the cheater type, so would never do a thing b4 telling your wife! What I can say is... Life isn't over! And you can never be too old to be yourself! If you are feeling really unhappy about it, it will start to get in the way on your marriage, which is not a good thing, so think it well if it's worth hiding it! Another question...(Sorry for it lol) Are you fully accepted with it? Or just trying to work out it now? The reason I ask it, is that before telling your wife, you should be self-confident first, make sure it is what you want, cause if you have too many doubts, telling your wife could worsen your side now(emotionally)! Oh well there are ppl here on same situation and I could be talking sh*t cause I'm still 19 years old! But this is my view! Other from that, Welcome aboard Mate!
WELL CONGRATIOULATIONS omg im so happy for you. Whenever I here about some 80 year old man with wife and kids trying to get with 18 year old kids and stuff i just feel sorry for them because they wasted so much of there life hiding in secret and missing out on joy so are now seeking that when there time is almost up. 40,s is the new 20.s and you still have ample time to enjoy being free and out the closet i am so proud of you. And hey you got 2 wonderful kids from all of this right. Now here comes the other part that I hate to say but feel as though I have 2. I dont know what your relationship to the wife of your kids is but to lead a woman on for 20 years becuase you couldnt figure out who you are is .....well i have no words. It can be seen as you depriving her of a man that may have been with her forever. I dont mean to sound negative but please take her feelings into consideration and have a nice sit down and detailed convo with her. Can you imagine being with a guy for 20 years and one day he said well im into women and lied about being into men and left you? Im just saying could you imagine the pain and hurt that might cause somone. Im not telling you to stay in the closet im just saying you should be very considerate of your wife however she may react when you brake this news to her.
Hi all, Thanks for the advice so far! Amazing to get help an support from strangers! Xramonx: to answer your questions, I have been with other guys and they made me feel truly alive and connected, but not many!!! Owing to the cheating guilt an depression that follows! I have fully accepted who I am now and feel ready to go to the next step of opening that closet door! It's a very heavy large door and walking thru to the other side is going to devastate my wife, I fully understand that!! That's what's held me back all these years!!! But if I don't walk thru than I'll destroy any part of us that's left anyway!! Thanks man your an excellent advice, your awesome for someone who is 19!! Born this way: Wow! powerfull stuff you said and all true!!! I understand there's no joy coming my wife's way but I believe in time it will hopefully get better!!! Just the two of us are going away this weekend and i plan to break the devasting news to her this Saturday! I've never been so anxious or sick in the guts in all my life like I have been this week! It's not the coming out, that I'm comfortable with! It's devasting her!!! Wish me courage an luck please!!
Hi, BundyBundy20! Welcome to EC! I'm not going to bore you with my story, but suffice it to say it's very, very similar to yours - 35 years of marriage, 3 adult kids. If you want to know details, click on my name and read some of my threads and posts. I came out kicking and screaming at the end of '11 and beginning of '12. We divorced in February and I'm living on my own for the first time in my life. There are 7 or 8 guys I know of here who came out at your age or later. A couple, Maxx and NomadicDave, just came out to their wives in the past couple weeks. I recommend you check out their threads too. They might be able to give you a glimpse of what's to come in your immediate future. If you haven't seen a counselor to help you sort all this out, I highly recommend it. My ex and I found a great one that we saw individually and together. I would also suggest starting a thread with your story in the Support and Advice area of the forum. EC members look at those threads more often than the intro section. You're likely to get quite a few more responses there from people in your situation. Again, welcome and good luck! I think you'll find this an awesome site. I know it's been a life saver for me! (&&&) 55
I'm very proud of you! That takes a lot of time and consideration. You should hold yourself very highly. Since they're your family they will accept you always on some sort of level.
good luck stay strong and actually by doing this its good for both you and her. Keeping it a secret forever would have made nobody happy by telling her you can be who you were always meant to be and she can still have time to find happiness of her own I wish you the best of luck
hi BundyBundy20! I hope that everything goes as smooth as possible for you and it all goes your way! I admire you, finally wanting to come out, and I wish you the best! If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to message me personally! I am always an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on!~ Good luck!
I understand. I've been married to a man for almost 9 years, and came out to him over five years ago. Yet I am still here (though not in a conjugal way). I've had a few outside relationships, he's had one other relationship, and I see no way out any time soon. I'm financially dependent on him, and finishing school is going to take years. My advice to you is, leave as soon as you possibly can. Once it's out, continuing to live in the lie is going to be even more excruciating. Good luck to you.
