YAY I'm going to be a dad again! (FTM)

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Well it's rather early so I haven't seen a doctor or told more than 2 people. I want to make sure that I won't have to tell them all that there won't be a baby after all and then deal with a bunch of people asking me if I'm ok afterwards. I decided I'm going to be happy as if I'm going to have my second perfectly healthy kid in about 9 months, so here goes!

I'm the dad but I carried on the pregnancy last time for our daughter because me and my wife are both trans. She's one year old now and she's the sweetest thing in the world.

I'm also not made to be pregnant and that's not just a mind thing... if this pregnancy goes like the last one,
- I'm going to be sick and vomiting all mornings for the next 3 months,
- My energy levels will require a good 10 hours of sleep a day and I'm going to feel almost worse than the night before when I wake up,
-I'm going to grow muscle pains and joint pains that are barely livable; I'm going to feel my hip bones move painfully too and see my skin tear in the process
-I won't be able to have a smoke, a drink, or even coffee without throwing up
-I won't be able to get tattooed during and after.

Then,
-I'm going to overcome my phobia of blood-draw. But only on the left hand. With one to two blood-draw a day to make sure my case of pre-eclampsia isn't yet too bad, that is.
-There's going to be money problems and doctors will give me all different diagnostics, one trying to unnerve me and the next trying to calm me down, none telling me the real thing
-My legs are going to inflate painfully, I'm going to have them completely bruised before the 5th month
-Something totally unrelated will happen to make things worse; last time it was a venimous spider bite and immigration problems
-The doctors are going to change me to the risk pregnancy clinic without asking the responsibles of that clinic to add me to the list. I'm going to have to fight the whole system and show up at the hospital almost daily.

At the end,
-I'm going to be an unmovable mountain of pain for the last two months, having gained more than 200 pounds because of all these problems.
-My body won't feel like it's mine anymore... acid reflux that are constantly there, the worries and the pain alone bring me back.
-My face, fingers and toes will be totally deformed, looking like little Italian wieners.
-Some doctors will tell me that it may be worth taking the chance to have a natural birth because the risk isn't so high, while other doctors claim that I'd be way better off with a C-section. They're not sure yet whether to offer me to choose or not. Even the slightest risk to my kid enrages me to no end and I feel like jumping on those idiot's faces but my wife keeps me calm.
-The idea of natural birth haunts me... stuff nightmares are made of... so unnatural to me, I just don't want these parts to be put to use. Ever. Honest, if it could just disappear I'd be wayyy better off. While I secretly have the worse dysphoria crisis of my whole life, people have no clue why I don't want to live this "natural motherhood experience"
-I get to believe that doctors, around the 10th month of pregnancy, just pass me around to the next colleague to avoid having a death or two in their hands if they do operate, while time passes, my baby's chances diminishes daily.
-Throughout the whole thing my libido doesn't go down, ever. That makes me a very miserable man, especially while kept in the hospital, plugged on machines and watched 24 hours.
-Some doctor woman who has an head on her shoulders decide that enough is enough and to have me ready for surgery the next morning. At this point my body's not mine anymore, at all, all I care about is my baby's well being.

At the end, she cries!!!! And my life is changed forever. I'm not the same person anymore. I'm the happiest, proudest dad in the world, and I KNOW that I would pass through this all again and twice worse if need be to have our second kid.

Now we've handled all the tools in our disposition to make the transfer of gametes at the right time and it took. We're pregnant. I'm going to be a dad two times...!!

 

Thanks so much everyone. I guess I kept all that inside for a long time it's been very relieving to write it down. Yeah I'm very very very lucky!