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Where to start

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by death, Jul 27, 2012.

  1. death

    Regular Member

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    So...I'm a 24 year old male, um... My first "gay" experience was at 12, I slept in a sleeping bag naked with another boy, and then he told his mom, and I've been terrified my whole life because I was worried my parents would find out.

    Age 16, my first girlfriend fingered me while giving me a blowjob, which later led her to disscussions about strapons, and the possibility of being gay/bi... She broke up with me and I just got another girlfriend.

    I joined the Marines at 18, here I worked out a lot of my sexuallity and fucked a lot of women, till one day in thailand a woman turned out to be man, which despite later finding out this info, I went along with it anyway. I later tried dating a guy, for a day, before don't ask don't tell, but when I found out his brother was a Marine I freaked out and left. I had a fiance who left me while in Afghanistan.

    Since then I've been only seeing girls, two of which have delighted my strap on fantasy (both former lesbians/bi). One of them is my fiance now... and for a while she would fuck me, but as of lately, she's stopped. I've found myself desiring it more and more. We go to WeHo sometimes where I get to indulge at looking at other men a little bit, but it never goes any further then that. I kind of want to get it out of my system and have sex with a guy but I am really worried about my relationship with her, as I have never been nor do I think I even can be, the asshole who dumps a girl, which sucks because we are engaged, I feel overly commited/stuck.

    So I'm pretty much here to vent...get this off my chest and have a little support, as my straight friends would probably be ashamed of me, due to all the times we'd pick up girls.

    Any advice and support would be awesome
     
  2. NickD

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    Well, first of all welcome. And second, I'm not a Marine, or in the armed forces (though I hold HUGE respect for all of you guys, and thank you and appreciate you so much for your service).

    I had a similar "gay" experience around the same age and my mom found out and so I repressed my attractions for a long time (even though she really wasn't mad, I just assumed she was). I admit I haven't been as sexually active as you, but I did come to realize that I could never "get it out of my system." BUT, keep in mind that women pretty much never attracted me (I couldn't even get aroused with a woman), and my experience is not yours.

    So with that said, I guess you need to look within yourself more, and even though it's really hard, just forget about your fiance for a second. When you masturbate, do you imagine a man or a woman topping you? Which is more pleasurable if you can see both? And which do you think more about? And I guess most importantly, do you see a man or a woman as more pleasant to hang out with, as more pleasurable to share your life with?

    Now remember your fiance. Can you see yourself with her for the rest of your life? You obviously have shared a lot with her and she has amazing insight to sexuality, so do you feel complete?

    These are tough questions, and answers may not be immediately available. But asking them is the first step to finding you. At this point, you are the most important person to understand.

    So just stop and think. It's amazing what you know about yourself if you just open yourself up to it.
     
  3. J Snow

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    Hello and welcome =)

    Let me start by asking you a question, and I'm not trying to tell you what you are or aren't. But you is this desire to try being with a man a direct result of enjoying the strap on stuff? Plenty of heterosexual men enjoy "pegging" (as I more often then not hear it referred to as) and I don't think that on its own necessarily indicates anything about one's sexuality, besides perhaps a desire for submission, but there are heterosexual men who like to feel submissive. Prostate stimulation simply feels good. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation, its biology.

    That being said, I'm not trying to say that you don't have any reason to explore your sexuality. Quite the contrary, this seems to be bothering you. My advice is as follows. Talk to your fiance about this. That might not be what you want to hear, and I'm sure it would probably be awkward, but I think that's what's best.

    These feelings you are having, a want to try being with a man, they aren't going to just go away when you are married. If I were a betting individual I would guess they would probably even increase, grass is always greener on the other side scenario. This world has no shortage of men who repressed their feelings and then end up breaking up a marriage and a family they shouldn't have been in.

    You said she stopped wanting to use the strap on. You should talk to her about why. It might sound stupid but if your sexual needs are not being met that is important. And if she is worth marrying than she should understand that.

    I just don't want you to rush into a marriage that won't make you happy.

    Best of luck and I hope you find the support you are looking for here.
     
  4. death

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    To answer your question, it's opened my mind to the idea, generally I am a sexually submissive person, I can be dominate and in most cases I am, but I long for someone else to take control.

    As far as the talk goes, She says I should just be satisfied with her and what she has.

    I've talked to her about it, but all just says is "not tonight, maybe tomorrow night", but that never comes. As I've grown older, I believe less and less in orientation and more and more about prefrences. Meaning you can fall in love/be attracted to anyone, reguardless of race/gender, you just might prefer men over women or vice versa, or Asians over Caucasians.

    After last night, I felt really empty, I really don't know what to do. If I try to explore, she said it'll be over. Just really stressed and slightly depressed over the issue.
     
  5. thylvin

    thylvin Guest

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    Hi and welcome.

    Just food for thought. If you go through with a wedding and wed your fiancée' what would happen a few years down the line and you discover that your are gay? How would you get out of that relationship and how will that make you feel?

    I would suggest to first maybe put everything on hold, go make sure you're not gay before committing to a relationship only to have it broken up due to sexuality. The longer you wait the harder, more difficult and more painful it will become. To save yourself from all of that trouble, better find out now, or you'll end up in a marriage with kids and only then find out.

    The reason I'm saying this, is so it will not only save you from all the potential hurts, but also your fiancée and future kids. Too many families have been broken up due to people rushing things.
     
  6. Gallatin

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    Bienvenue! :smilewave
     
  7. Aeon Magus

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    Hello, and welcome to EC, Death. :slight_smile:

    O.O Don't reap us, hey.