Hello! My name is Yama and I'm 24. I'm currently residing in Spain because of a family issue but I'm actually Japanese-Swedish. I'm a girl but I came out in terms with it recently since my mother tried to raise me like a boy (she believes girls are weak and useless, so she always dressed me as a boy and forced me masculine thinking on me. Needless to say she has BPD and had me very young), so I've been like a boy all my life but recently I came in terms that I'm a girl inside and I want to be girly and pretty like the rest of girls so even tho I am in constant war with my Mom, I'm trying to be the person I am. I plan to try to move away from home soon as well because I cannot stand my Mom's outbursts since she can get very violent if things don't go according her way. About my sexuality, as a "boy" I've been attracted to girls all my life but my inner girl also liked men but I was very picky with them. In fact, the few men I dated ended up either being closet gay, feminine or closeted MTFs so I either have a good nose for girly things or I don't know :lol: still, I do find many masculine men attractive but I guess it would be difficult (not impossible) to get into a relationship with one since I like how friendly and nice girls are. Even now that I'm finally becoming the girly girl I am, I am still attracted to girls or girly men in general. I currently have a "girlfriend", she's an MTF that lives in America. We started dating with she as my "boyfriend" but she confessed she was a girl who liked girls to me and I fully accepted her and encouraged her. Still, she's pretty much in the closet because of her parents and because she actually is still dating someone else (she's pretty much uncomfortable with this girl because this girl expects her to be a man that supports her, but because she's a very dramatic person she is afraid of leaving her). Still, I keep trying to encourage her to follow her dreams, taking care of her because she's fragile and alone and being in the closet doesn't help. Still, we talked together that if we manage to get me a ticket to get there, she'll leave that person and we will start her transition together. In a way, sometimes I think my life is unbelievable and between my crazy Mom and the crazy situation with my girlfriend sometimes I get anxious and cannot sleep but I try to have energy to find a solution of things. I am pretty much alone in my problems so I wanted to make friends to have fun and forget the bad times, to know other people and also to have a shoulder to at least lean on. Thank you for everything and I hope we can get alone well!
What an interesting story! Thank you for sharing and welocme to EC. I once taught a child who was indeterminate gender. The parents decided to raise the child as a boy and there was a plan that he would have corrective surgery at some point when he was older. I've often wondered how they made the decision, whether he grew up happy with the decision they had made, whether he went through the surgery or whether he changed his mind and decided he wanted to be female. I know this is not the same as happened in your case, but I have heard of other people, especially boys raised as girls, although I have never met with one personally. I'm a gay male and have always been happy to be male. I've never been even vaguely interested in cross-dressing, although I have met straight men and gay men for whom it was an interest. Do you attribute your preferences to the way your mother raised you, or do you think you'd have 'turned out" the way you are anyway? Don't mind my questions - I'm just curious. (*hug*)
Wow! That is a really interesting story! I like reading things like this because it makes me know more about the world and experiences of other people. I was raised as a boy, my real name (which is Japanese) when written in kanji is a boy's name. My Mom had me young and out of wedlock so she kinda wanted me to be a strong boy that would do things for her and I got scolded many times if I liked girly things. I think I did turn this way on my own since my Mom has always tried to isolate me from people and telling me that relationships never work and such. Since I was a boy in mind but a girl outside, when I was young I was attracted to both genders but mostly girls since they seemed cuter to me. As I became a teen, I became attracted to girls and feminine looking boys. My second boyfriend ended up being MTF and after 4 years of going out, when he started transitioning, he broke up with me because I wasn't a real man so it was really discouraging. Then I mostly had relationships with women even tho I had some with men. Ironically, some of these men were MTF in the closet and even two of them were gay (one was mostly a romantic relationship because he loved my masculine mind but the body was an issue). I wonder how would it be to have a relationship with a masculine man sometimes though! If you don't mind me asking, how did you discover that you were gay? :rolle:
It wasn't a discovery - I knew when I was 7 or 8, but had no idea what it meant or what it was called.
