Hello Everyone, First of all, my name isn't really Carmen, but I like that name so that's what I'll be going by here. I'm 21 years old, and I guess I've known for quite a while that I'm a lesbian. I've had crushes on guys, but I've always felt far more strongly about girls. Even as young as middle school I had a crush on my best friend. However, I have a family full of very strong Christians. The only family member I've ever talked to about this is my mom. Twice in high school and once the year after I started college. She'd always say the same thing: Homosexuality is wrong, it's against the Bible, sanctity of marriage blah blah blah. I don't want to talk about the Bible. I've been on both sides of the argument and it never gets anywhere. The last time I talked to her she said "I don't care if homosexuality is a choice or not. If you truly feel that you could never marry a man, then maybe you should just live a life of celibacy because if you choose to live a life of sin, you are no longer welcome in this family." That was two years ago, and since then I've decided to stay in the closet. I have a boyfriend now. He's my best friend, my family likes him and he doesn't have much of a sex drive so it works out. I want to get married, buy a house, have kids and have somebody to grow old with. If that person has to be a guy, then so be it. In fact I've been pretty content with my life lately and I wouldn't even be on here at all except... I just started this new job and there's this girl working there that I really REALLY like. She's down to earth yet spontaneous at the same time. She's creative, she laughs at my jokes, she has this AMAZING smile and I can't stop thinking about her. I find myself looking for reasons to stay late at work just so I can spend time with her. I've never wanted to just be myself more than when I'm with her and it's driving me crazy! Sometimes I just don't even care if homosexuality is right or wrong. I know how I feel. Lying is wrong too, and right now, I'm living a lie. Sorry it's so long. I guess I'm just not sure where to go from here, and there's really no one in my life I can talk to. Everyone on this site seems to be really accepting, and I'd like to thank you all in advance for that.
Homosexuality is not wrong at all. You are perfectly fine how you are. Please don't go thinking you have to get married and have kids, especially just to please your family. You only have one life to live and you need to live it for yourself and be happy. You can still get married to a woman you love(in some states at least and many more to come) and have children as well. Don't let your mother or any other religious people get you down. Just realize that they have it all backwards. God doesn't hate you or think you're an "abomination." If you really research it, homosexuality is hardly even mentioned in the bible and the few passages that people always throw in our face really don't pertain to homosexuals at all. As for the girl at work, do you know if she is bisexual or a lesbian as well?
Lance, she is a lesbian and I've actually discussed my situation with her, but I didn't tell her I like her though I think she knows. I've kind of just been waiting on her to make the next move but I don't think she's going to either because she doesn't feel the same way about me or she doesn't want to deal with the drama. And I WANT to get married and have a family. Just not necessarily with a guy. As far as the Bible goes, like I said, I've been on both sides of the argument and I'm not really sure what I believe anymore.
That's excellent that she's a lesbian! I was thinking she might be more of a straight crush. Anyway, what about seeing if she wants to go for lunch/drinks/coffee sometime?