Hello everyone! Would like to make a formal introduction of myself. It's been forever since I've signed up for an online forum, but I recently came across a thread that really captivated my interest and compelled me to sign up. I'm male, gay - open to a number of my good friends, but otherwise haven't told anyone else. Things have been interesting for me recently. I moved last year to Toronto for work, and happen to be working with the first guy I fell in love with. Like, seriously fell in love with. He was the first guy I ever was attracted to and knew was gay (unlike previous attractions, which all had a brief and shallow life), so quickly descending from attraction to infatuation, to deep in emotional currents that I've never had to deal with. The attraction wasn't mutual, so the last 3 years of my university career were spent (emotionally) getting over this guy. He was very kind and understanding about it, and although we never were in a relationship, we became really close friends. We share a lot of the same passions, which is also why we are now working together. Recently, however, he and his boyfriend met another gay (male) couple online. I then found out that there were sexual attractions involved in the instant intimacy of their relationship. It became increasingly difficult to get on my friend's social calendar, while the four of them started hanging out very very often, going out on trips for the weekend, hanging out after work, having expensive dinners and drinks (this new couple is quite wealthy), etc. From what I know, nothing physical has occurred between the two couples, but it's been a rough time for me since he prioritizes time with them over time with me, even though we've known each other for 6 years and he's only known these guys for 6 months. We've talked about this - he's exceptionally open about discussing anything in our relationship - and he says all the "right" things about wanting to spend more time together, how much he values our friendship, how he's pressed for time, that these new guys said that they like me (not in that way) and that it would be great to hang out together, etc. Except that, 3 months later, nothing has really changed. I've practically given up on this friendship. At least for now. I'm usually the one arranging and planning everything for when we hang out, and I'm usually disappointed. So for now I've given up having any expectation of hanging out and I've given up trying. My reasoning is that, if he actually does want to hang out, he should be the one trying to make the plans and putting the effort in to the relationship, rather than just showing up (if he shows up at all). I'm not sure if this is going to change things for the better or for worse, but I'm really exhausted from trying so hard to further this friendship and being let down almost all the time. We still see each other every day at work - there's only 4 of us in a small studio office and we often work together on projects, so it's unavoidable. So that's story 1. The second thing that's been going on recently is the familiar story "Is he gay or not?" Another of my male friends from University is one of those guys who've never fit any mould - he's energetic, eccentric, and a lot of fun. Funnily enough I was never attracted to him until after university, when we hung out a few times. We live in different cities, so we don't see each other very often. Every time we do, we have a blast together, so I started thinking it would be great to have a closer, more intimate relationship with him. He's made offhand statements in the past, and there are other things about him and his past and present that would support the notion that he's repressing his sexuality. I spent a while trying to figure out if he was gay or not. One day, when he was visiting from out of town and staying over at my apartment, I came out to him (he didn't know, but said he suspected) and then I told him that I was attracted to him (which he didn't expect). He put me down gently, and our friendship is still great. For a little while (about half a year), I retired any thoughts about his sexuality until recently, when he was again in town. Some of my original intuitions were revived, and now I've been at a crossroads. If he were actually gay or bisexual, I feel that there's a lot of strong forces at play that would cause him to try to repress his sexuality both consciously and subconsciously. I've just been trying to be a supportive and present friend. He's now far more open about his physicality when we're hanging out which I'm grateful for, since he's admitted about being very self conscious about his body image. At this point I just hope to build the level of trust and comfort in our relationship. That's story 2. Otherwise, I've been trying to meet new people and other gay guys around my age. It's been slow going, but I had a great summer enjoying the outdoors and the city so I can't really complain. Wow - that was a lot longer than I anticipated. Just a little bit more about myself I've taken up ballet - which has been great as a way to get moving again. (Used to do karate when I was younger, but most of my late-teen/early-twenties were spent mostly sedentary). Great way to meet the ladies; other guys are fairly rare. I make cakes as a hobby - used to work in a French bakery for a number of years, and now just do it for friends, family and special occasions. Just made a 3-tier doubleheight cake for a good friend's wedding. I wish I spent more time reading, rather than online. Currently working through "Les Misérables" by Victor Hugo, which I've read a couple of times before. A recent read I'd strongly recommend is "Tess of the D'Urbervilles" by Thomas Hardy, which is a story of amazing perseverance and personal strength. "The Mice Will Play" by Edward O Phillips is one of my good old stand-bys, beautifully and eloquently written with an amusing storyline (they call it a parlour farce in the style of Oscar Wilde). Finally, for a story of pure wist, longing and adoration, "Death in Venice" by Thomas Mann can't be beat. This is a great forum, and I'm excited to be a part of it! Cheers!
That takes a lot of courage!:eek: I don't really have anything to say, except good luck with your friendship!
