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First step! Hi.. I'm starting my journey (better late than never)

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Ljssussex, Sep 16, 2012.

  1. Ljssussex

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    So I have set up my profile and at 40 find it quite scary that I am finally addressing the feelings I have had for some time.

    Failed marriage and too many years of denial, nothing quite felt "right" and I get to think that actually all my earliest sexual fantasies as a kid were all about boys. It wasnt a crush as I thought, as I buried it under loads of guilt, it was how I actually felt.

    So I have never been with a guy or even kissed one, but I know that is the path I want to tread.. gay? Bi? I don't know yet, but definately not straight...

    Just a shame I have hid for so many years. Still nobody knows, except you as you read this..

    Scared, confused... yep! I'm Petrified!

    Please be nice, say hi, I could do with some friends I can be honest with

    X
     
  2. Chip

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    Welcome! There are many others here in your exact situation, and I think you'll feel at home pretty quickly.

    The first thing I'd suggest is getting a copy of Joe Kort's excellent "Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love", which has little to do with finding real love and everything to do with understanding yourself. There are several chapters that address heterosexually married (or formerly married) gay men, issues of coming out later in life, and many other important topics as you work toward accepting yourself. And don't let the title scare you; it's just as applicable for bisexual men as well.

    I would also strongly suggest getting Brené Brown's books "Gifts of Imperfection" and "Daring Greatly" which address the issues of shame, worthiness, and the things that get in the way of living truly wholehearted and full lives. I can't emphasize enough how important Dr. Brown's work is for LGBT people, particularly those who have been closeted for a long time. You can get a feel for what she speaks about from the video below (there are several others on Youtube you may want to check out as well)

    Next step is... talk about what most scares you, where you want to go with things, and what's important to you moving forward :slight_smile:

    [youtube]X4Qm9cGRub0[/youtube]
     
  3. Clown

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    Welcome!
    I know how you feel; self identifying can be a long and difficult process.
    Do you still have an attraction to the female gender?

    Don't be afraid; you're in safe hands.
    The privacy on this website it amazing. Don't worry, your secret is safe with us as long as you don't post any obvious information on who you are.

    And again, don't be afraid to be yourself and let your true self out.
    If you keep any of it in, then you'll only be lying to yourself.
    And the fact that you came here is a great sign.
    And I'm very happy to have you here. We all are.

    If there's anything you can need, don't feel afraid to post or send messages.
    Even if you're still uncomfortable, there's an anonymous section where you can post without anyone knowing who's account it came from.

    If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.
    I'd be happy to be an open ear or lend out some advice. :slight_smile:
    Welcome again!
     
  4. Ljssussex

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    Thank you Chip

    Will check out your recommendations, thanks for the advice..

    As far as what scares me? Everything at the moment!

    I have set my goal to maybe talk to a former colleague who is Gay. If I can have one person that I can talk to, who may be ale to help in the journey, that will be a step in the right direction..

    Step by step..

    ---------- Post added 16th Sep 2012 at 11:01 PM ----------

    Thanks Clown for the kind words?.

    I Iove beautiful women, love talking to them... Love having them as friends but still think of men if it were ever to progress further.. Think this is what started me crosdressing for a while, I thought I wanted to be one of them rather than with them, if that makes sense...

    Loved hair make up etc..

    In my head that maybe justified my thoughts about men, but I can't hide behind that anymore..

    I have promised myself to try and be truthful on this site, otherwise what's the point.. Maybe if I had faced up to my feelings at a far younger age I wouldn't be so confused and wracked with guilt..

    Thanks for the offer of being an open ear, that means a lot
     
  5. silverhalo

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    Hey welcome to EC.
     
  6. Ljssussex

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    Thank you Silverhalo
     
  7. Jackdaw

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    :welcome:
    Hi Ljssussex
    So nice to read your intro as I only joined a few days ago myself and believe me when I say it took all my will power to post my first entry.
    I'm actually 49 years old and although I've never been married, I have had several failed heterosexual relationships. I think they failed because I knew I was not being honest and never put my heart into them.
    Strangely enough, even though I originally assumed I was bisexual, I've now realised that any interest I've had towards women in the past has been purely visual. They might look pretty, but so do flowers, and neither excite me sexually, not in the way that a good looking man can.
    So I have put aside my denial and accepted that I am in fact GAY.
    That said, I'm still in a very dark and cold closet, and really quite scared.
    EC, however, has made me just that little bit more relaxed about it all. So I'm getting there. Very, very, slowly. :icon_wink
    I hope we both find what we are looking for within the pages of this forum. (*hug*)
     
  8. BradThePug

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    Hello and Welcome!!
     
  9. Schabanak

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  10. Ljssussex

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    Thanks for so many welcome messages, truly appreciated!

    Jackdaw it appears we have a lot in common

    This is so true for me and exactly how I feel. I have denied my feelings for so long it makes me so angry! Why can't I be true to myself?

    Let's stay in touch and hopefully we can give each other some mutual support as we start our journey here in EC
     
  11. PinkTractor

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    Hello and welcome--there are quite a few of us here with middle-aged closets. I think you'll find it a great place to share your feelings without having to put every word you say under a microscope before you send it out into the world. Just that alone is an awesome experience! Let me know if you want to compare notes on the at times bizarre experience of starting to come to grips with all this at the same time the AARP cards are showing up in your mail..(Sorry, you're English, it's the American Association of Retired Persons)
     
  12. Pret Allez

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    I'm sorry that you went through that. I think we have the luxury of a more accepting time. I can understand not feeling safe to come out or even interrogate those feelings until later in life.

    Welcome! (*hug*)