Hello all. So, figured it was time to deal with all this...I've been avoiding it my whole life. Since I was kid I knew I was different...I've become quite the expert at ignoring this part of myself and just sweeping it all under the rug. Not sure what my hang up is, my circle of family/friends are an accepting bunch, so that's not the problem... I'm 36 and just now taking a step, however small and anonymously, to accepting my sexuality. Hope there are others out there like me, I could sure use some advice and guidance.
Hello and welcome to EC! Like my two friends above have said, the first is always hardest, but with each one, we will be there to assist and give you support the best we can. *hugs*
Oh my goodness me you are not the only one like you out there. I'm almost 35 and still in the early stages of accepting myself. But already I know I am on the right path. I've been hanging around here for a few months now and I'm learning lots from people as well as getting support. So great you found the courage to post. Read, ask, post, rant, whatever. This is a pretty safe place. I find it a great compliment to my therapy, reading and connection with friends (limited at this stage). Welcome, and keep posting! ---------- Post added 21st Sep 2012 at 10:27 AM ---------- Sorry a bit more... Even if you know it is okay to be gay, and that you believe that you will be accepted by your loved ones, it is still possible (in my experience) to live with internal homophobia. Even though you might know that it is okay to be gay, it might not feel okay. Society feeds us with the message that being heterosexual is 'normal' so it is quite understandable to want to reject any deviation of the 'norm'. As humans we generally want to fit in and belong, and accepting being in a minority group conflicts with our sense of belonging. There are any number of reasons why it has taken you some time to begin your journey towards acceptance. Probably you will discover why and it will help you to understand and make peace with yourself. Here on EC and around the world there are many people who are coming out in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond. It has to be okay. It is. By the way, when I read your post, I felt that I could have written the exact same thing six months ago, less even. I'm learning so much, and growing so much. It is hard, and at times incredibly uncomfortable and painful but I truly believe that it will be worth it in the end. I wish you lots of support and want to say most of all, take care of yourself! Best wishes, Rose
You are very brave to take this first step. As others have said, you are definitely not alone-- you are in good company here, if I do say so myself. I'm here if you ever need anything!
Hi Pocassetnyer, Yep, that first step is scary as hell. I took the same step as you just over a week ago. I finally decided to accept my sexuality openly, if anonymously. It's probably more difficult after you pass a certain age. I'm 49 and should really have an Oscar for the acting that I've done over the years. I think I've played the part of a heterosexual brilliantly and very convincingly. So convincingly, in fact, that if I were to tell those close to me that I was gay, then I'm not sure they'd actually believe me. Anyway, I do hope that EC helps you on your way and that as time passes you will feel less scared. Good Luck ... (*hug*)
Hi, You've taken the biggest step, believe it or not. Oftentimes, admitting things to ourselves can be far harder than admitting them to others. We are almost always our own harshest critic. Keep reaching out. Keep being honest with yourself. It's the only way to ever find real happiness. Hang in there. Think about how much courage it took to get this far and be proud of that. I'm proud of you.
