Evening

I stumbled upon this site a few months ago, but refused to register until recently. I don't consider myself a very social person, but I will communicate when it's necessary.

Like many of you, I'm here because I harbor a very big secret. It's something I've considered for over ten years, but didn't start trying to accept it until recently. Over the years my entire family has let out many anti-gay statements. One of the most confusing I heard was my parents always saying their own kids could not be gay, but children who were born into other families could. As a result I grew up hiding what some would call a massive part of me, but I don't want you to think I'm desperately in need of help. Overall, I'm a very happy person and accept that when I do come out of the closet, it's other people who will be at a loss if they can't accept it.

Even though I'm starting to accept it, I have to admit that I hate being gay. At the moment it does nothing but make things more complicated and unnecessarily difficult. Whenever I hear somebody talking about anything gay in my house I immediately (and very ridiculously) jump to the conclusion that they're about to talk about me. I'm working on that.

So why am I here if I've reached a stable point? Simple. Now that I've started accepting it, albeit still rather embarrassed to talk about it with the people in my life, I believe I could still benefit from educating myself on the matter. I don't like to think of being gay as only my problem, even though it might be.

I am a little terrified of finding out what my family would do if they ever found out. I've heard so many stories with results ranging from accepting to finding your furniture out on the front lawn. While I don't think they'd ever do that to me, you honestly never know for sure. One of my current goals in life is to get myself to a stable position where I don't need to rely on others, but that's a lot harder to do these days with the economy being such a drag. Since I'm stuck here for a few more years I figured it'd be easier to make peace with my problem rather than try to inflate it.

I'll cut it here. I've noticed when you begin the road to acceptance you can suddenly go on and on about the subject. I promised myself I would not do that in my introduction.

Thanks for the terrific website.

 

Thanks guys.

I've read from other sources that family members who are indifferent about homosexuality will also turn themselves around when they find out somebody close to them is gay. While that is comforting, I wish it was enough of a reason to come out.

I do have a couple friends I can tell, but I'm going to hold off on that for the moment. Six months tops. I'd like to give myself a chance to become more comfortable about it on my own terms. I'm also preparing for potential questions they may have. I think most closeted gay people fear their friends will start off with "So... Are you attracted to me?" Of course, many gay people probably find that absurd, but it seems worth preparing for.

If you or anyone else wouldn't mind, when you came out were there things people asked you that threw you off guard and wish you could have considered? I know you can never have all the answers, but you sure can try. ^_^