Hello everyone, My name is Mel. I found this website in a search for information about the coming out process. I am heterosexual and happily married. My younger brother, who is almost 18, came out to me today. Apparently outside of our younger brother who is 15, and some of his friends, I am the only one who knows. I assured him that I completely accept him and love him (I had wondered for awhile if he was gay, but knew he would tell me when he was ready). I have a sister who is 21 and she does not know. She is less likely to take it as well. My parents also do not know. My parents are very religious and my brother is afraid to tell them. I assured him that when he was ready, we could do it together, as a family if he wants. My husband and I and my younger brother are very supportive of him and I tried to remind him of that. I guess this all just feels very heavy. I am so proud of him for coming out, and I truly feel honored that he felt safe enough to tell me. I guess it just feels heavy because I know that when he does tell my parents, it will be very difficult. I am also scared because my brother told me that he has been to the point of being extremely suicidal in the past, because he felt so isolated and unwanted. I love him so much and I would be a wreck if he ever tried to hurt himself. I'm hoping that now that he is feeling more comfortable (enough to tell me anyways) that he is at less risk for self harm. I am also scared because my mother has worried so much in the past that my brother is gay, and I have tried to assure her that no matter what, he is her son and she will love him. I think deep down she knows he is gay but is just not ready to admit, especially because she knows it will be so hard on my father. This is a bit jumbled but that is how my feelings are right now. I also think I am in a little bit of shock. I am so proud of my brother for being able to do this, but I am also very overwhelmed. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!
Welcome to EC. It's nice to meet you and your brother is very lucky to have you I think that for right now, the very best thing you can do is continue to be there for him. It sounds like, from what you've written here, that you made it extremely clear that you love him and that it changes nothing between the two of you. I can imagine how scared and alone he probably feels from person experience and I know how much it helped me when I started to come out to know that the people I told were behind me through thick and thin. It gave me a lot of strength. I also think it's a good idea for you to be there when he tells your parents. I'm still struggling with telling my father anything about myself, but when I came out to my mother as Trans, I brought my sister along for moral support, and just having her there made it so much easier for me to do it. I think for something that difficult, the more supporters he has around him, the better. The last advice I'll give is not to pressure him. It doesn't sound like you are right now. You made a point of telling him that "when he's ready" you'll be there for him with your parents, so that's excellent. He'll know when it's time, much like he obviously did when he told you. Coming out, even when you think it's going to go well is scary. Coming out when you believe it's going to go badly is terrifying, so it'll be completely up to him to make that call about when the time is right. Aside from that, like I said, just keep being there for him and making sure he knows he has your support. That alone can make the biggest difference. On the self harm front, I couldn't say for certain where he's at right now without knowing him and talking to him, but the fact that he's coming out, and the acceptance he's receiving from you and the others he's told are definitely a good sign. Good luck!
Well you did a good job in being there and being supportive of your brother. Reassurance is a great thing to give to those who may feel alone and helpless. There's not too much advice I can give accept just keep being a supportive sister ya know. And certainly be there with him when he comes out to your parents and sister so he knows that he ain't gotta be alone in it. And he's gotta know that he lives life for himself, and not for anyone else, as harsh as that may sound. But stay strong for your bro, you're a good sister. ^^
