So glad to have found this place bc I'm confused!

Hi guys!

Great place you have here. I'm 17 and recently have come to terms with the fact that I might not just be into guys. My sexuality has secretly troubled me all my life. I was a late bloomer and didn't have any feelings for any person until I was 12 or 13. That was when I had my first crush, on a guy, and since then, I've had another crush, also on a guy. I loved who they were as people, but at the same time, those two crushes were "love at first sight" and hit me in the face. I can think of some other guys I was attracted to beside these two, but not as strongly.

The thought that I might be attracted to girls first entered my mind when I was 10. I've always been enamored by womanly beauty, but I realized that I might admire it more than most straight girls when, last semester, I took a creative writing course, and my teacher noted how I spent so much time describing women in depth.... I'd never really noticed it before but was kind of embarrassed, in truth. Then recently at school, I realized I might have some feelings for a certain girl I am acquainted with. I do really love her personality (I think we'd at least make excellent best friends...), but I've never really had butterflies for her as I have with guys. Nonetheless, I'd certainly be interested in at least trying some kind of sexual relationship with her, or a deep romantic/emotional one. I also learned in the last year of some true stories of lesbian relationships, and I found myself really admiring them. I think I can picture myself in a lesbian relationship, too.

Also, last night, I had a dream about having sex with a girl for the first time. I don't know if it's because this whole question of sexuality has been troubling so much recently or if it's because I'm actually attracted to girls. Although, I did feel quite aroused when I woke up. Something else that troubles me is that I've never been attracted to any of my female friends before. Like I've slept in the same beds with them countless times and have never felt anything. But I think that's just because none of us are great friends and don't have the most compatible personalities? I think I really might be demisexual....

Anyway, I'm just really confused. I know I probably won't figure out a concrete answer until I get older and become more experienced, but I'm a rather impatient person, and this has been really bothering me for the past few days since it occurred to me that I might be bi (or pansexual? I don't know). I'm tempted to just call myself pansexual and call it a day. I think the fact that I feel more comfortable with a label broader than "straight" says something in itself.

I know it might be awkward to respond to this, but perhaps I may get some thoughts from you guys?

Thanks for creating such an awesome, welcoming environment! I haven't been around for long yet I already feel comfortable here.

-rushinprincess

 

Thank you! It's nice to meet you.

Yes, I think you're right. Now that the idea of being bi/pan has entered my mind, I've been more aware of the women around me and have found myself more attracted to some of them, too.

When I first "tried on" the label of being bisexual, I felt a lot of relief. That's a sign that I likely am bi, right? I'm slowly becoming more certain that I am actually bi/pan.... I took an online test to see where I was on the Kinsey scale, and it told me I am a 2. I think that sounds about right.

 

Awww, thank you guys!! I do feel more comfortable already. (&&&)