First off, I must compliment everyone involved in creating such an awesome place for people seeking answers or reassurance to come. I honestly don't remember what exactly lead me to this forum but I am very happy I found it..or it found me . I've only been lurking around here a day or so and its already obvious that this place is extremely diverse...which is AWESOME. Its also heart warming to see parents on here who support and seek help for their child who are lgbt. I liked what I saw so much, I decided to join and give any help or advice that I possibly could. So here is my story.... Well as most of us know or probably agree that we've always had some sort of indication that there may be attraction to the same sex. It wasn't obvious to me until I was about 12-13, but looking back I remember getting certain butterfly in the stomach type of feelings from being around certain boys. I remember two distinct times when I was probably less than 5 that the only way I could translate what I felt then in to today's terms would be "damn he's sexy!" I had no idea what that feeling was but it is blatantly obvious now. As I got a little older, probably 10 or 11, I experimented with several other friends at the time, though still had no idea I was gay! For the record all of those friend ended up very straight, ie married, or has kids, or both. So a little farther down the road, when I started to hit puberty, my fantasies and porn preference was about 75% m/m. Still to this day I find a occasional girl who is extremely attractive to the point I would have a relationship with her, but the amount of guys I feel this way towards is substantially greater. Id say im a 4.5-5 o the Kinsey Scale. About the same time I'm realizing who I am and what I desire, my parents are going through a divorce. It wasn't long after this that my mom came out as a lesbian. I really wasn't to bothered by it but I did feel awkward about my own sexuality as result. I would later discover that one of my dads sisters spent a large portion of her younger years in a lesbian relationship. This was all great to hear that my feelings were much more normal than I had convinced myself. The only thing that has still been a hang up to this day is being able to tell my dad that I am gay. This is mainly because i don't want him to blame my mom or himself for my homosexuality. But at the same time, having two blood related family members in the generation ahead of me who are gay, makes me feel like its totally in our genes. Wow, sorry for the sporadic rant. My mind was moving at a 1000mph when I wrote this so its probably less than perfect. Hehe. I look forward to being part of this awesome community and also look forward to being able to help anyone that may be in need! Have a great day everyone! MM
