I'm Back and Done Hiding

Hi my name is Michael and I am bisexual or should I say Homoflexible (attempt at nervous gay humor)okay let's cut to the chase I am considered a gay man by most and have know that since I was 6 years old and wanted to marry my best friend Paul. Paul's parents banned me from hanging out with him after we started planning the wedding guest list, dinner menu, party favors, along with trying to figure who should wear the dress and contemplating if we should kiss (it did not seem that appealing at the time, but I was game to give it a try).

I am comfortable in my own skin and with who I am, I came out of the closet as a teenager to my family and friends, the reactions were mixed as expected but overall it went well and those who were not accepting were really not my friends to begin with I guess and disappeared from my life. Over the years I was involved in several loving and caring relationships with guys and life was good. Then one night in July Mike and I (yes my partner's name was Mike which was quite confusing and humorous at the same time) were leaving the Kismet gay bar in Columbus Ohio when several Ohio State football players who we had met in the bar decided to teach the fags a lesson. They had been trying to cause trouble in the bar all evening with little success, big homophobes and alcohol don't go well together. Anyway I am a big guy and trained to defend myself, but was simply out numbered and ended up unconscious in a pool of our blood. I have physical and mental scars from that night and while willing to talk about it, it usually leads to a few tears. One side effect of that night, as weird as it sounds, is I am uncomfortable around pointy toed cowboy boots, because I have scars on my head and back from where they punctured my flesh that night. Mike was never the same after that night, and went off the deep end and ended up dying after living a no holds barred lifestyle after the attack, the football players were charged,released and had the charges dismissed "because a couple of fags probably tried to pick up those fine young "manly" football players" (quote from the prosecutor). Shit here come the tears, deep breath, time to move on.

My family did what any caring family would do, nursed me back to health and talked me back into the closet along, with and a move to another state, time for a fresh "straight" start. I tried to be straight, I really did, and married a woman who was the primary bread winner, but sucked as a husband and kept man, even though I can cook, sew and organize a dinner party like no other, divorce was in the cards. Still fighting the battle of trying to make my family happy and be "normal" (by others standards, not mine), I met a caring woman struggling with her own identity who understood where I was at and we were compatible in our own special way. One thing led to another and we were married and a baby was on the way Being a father was something I always wanted to be and being gay there are not a lot of options so I was thrilled and so were my family as you can only imagine, because fags don't have babies, straight people do. I embraced being a father, I can braid hair do nails (french tips are a specialty), and makeup as well as tie a perfect hair bow with the best of them. My gay friends were sure it was immaculate conception.

The big problem was that I was not me, I was living life acting like someone that I was not, it slowly ate away at the core of my being. While I wanted as normal a life for my daughter as possible, we all knew that what we were doing was not right, so we got divorced much to the disappointment of some of my family. The big difference is that I will not go back in the closet ever again.

Over the last few months I have been working my way back out of the closet starting with accepting family and friends, but not addressing work or other acquaintances. After finding this site and reading the inspiring stories and posts, I knew I had to come out to everyone, even my coworkers, which I did yesterday. The people on this site gave me the courage to do that.

Thank you all!!

If anyone wants to talk, I am always here to listen and offer support and an opinion if you want one. If I can help one person not live in fear and to be the person they are meant to be I will be happy.

I have also talked with a therapist and while I hate to get caught up with labeling people, he says that I am truly a Pansexual, because I am capable of loving and accepting everyone.

Peace and Love to everyone,

Michael

 

Thanks for all the welcomes, bad things happen but I have overcome them. I really don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I am in a great place these days just wish it would not have taken so long.