i'm michael and kind of new here. i don't think i've posted before. just a bit about me and why i'm on this forum-i've pretty much come out a few months ago, telling people close to me that i'm gay, which is something i've hidden and repressed for years. my earliest emotional/sexual attachments were with males my age in my teens but at some point in my early twenties i 'switched' and started exclusively (well, almost exclusively) being in relationships with women. every relationship was inevitably a disaster-at some point something in me would just snap and i would find myself resenting the other person and doing everything possible to sabotage the relationship. At some point i got married to a women and became completely asexual because of psychiatric meds. after years of being asexual, my sexuality reemerged, i went through an incredibly unpleasant period of hypersexuality, which caused me unbelievable anxiety and pain. that compulsion only ended when i (with some therapy) started to accept feelings of attraction to men and that sex with women had never felt right. the compulsive behavior stopped immediately and i experienced the greatest sense of relief I had ever felt. i had a sense of freedom that i had never felt before and it was (and is) wonderful. The flip side though is that men terrify me. People in general cause me tremendous anxiety, but women less so than men. I perceive men in general as dangerous, possibly because of childhood sexual abuse, or other painful experiences i've had with males growing up, and i guess i'm in this catch22. I think at this point i'm trying to deal with and hopefully change that perception. anyway, i hope it's ok to post this as an introduction and i would LOVE to hear from anybody who can relate in anyway to what i've written. thanks to all who take the time to read this
