Hi

Hello and Welcome!! I know that there are some other members here that are in the same situation that you are.

 

Welcome! I'm sure you will find great support here!

 

Hi nice to meet you, I feel sorry for everything that has happened and I hope everything will work out in the end!

 

Hey welcome to EC.

 

Dave! Congratulations on taking the steps you already have - coming out to your wife and now joining EC! There is a great growing community of men here in very similar situations! I'm sure you will hear from many of them. I hope we can give you all the support and advice you need (and deserve).

I'll send a longer post when I get a chance, but it probably won't be today, sorry.

You sent me a friend request so I assume you've read some of my saga. I need to update everyone here because I'm in a much better place than when I started my last thread! I'll make that a resolution!

Keep your chin up, Dave! 2013 can be your best year ever, but you know it won't be your easiest!

I'll see if I can rally the troops to help you out - literally! (&&&)

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Welcome to the EC Dave (*hug*)

Sorry I have been gone for a while, started a new job as an on call part timer, but due to the holidays I have been keeping busy.

I too understand a bit from what you are going through, I won't say I know exactly as each of us have a different beginning and a bright new future in store.

I have been separated from my wife of 12 yrs, and its THE HARDEST thing I have ever done in my entire life. If it wasn't for friends and some family being there to talk me through this I don't know where I would be or be period. So yes there is a mighty struggle to go through.

I am getting counselling at a LGBT center and will be starting therapy soon, so sometimes you just need to grit your teeth and pull yourself along until you can get that help. I am assured that it will help a lot, so I hope you'll stick around, because one thing I do know is that the people here are extremely helpful and I know I wouldn't be around if it wasn't for them.

Good Luck, There is strength in numbers, and here, people care for one another

 

Hi Dave. Welcome to EC! I haven't been around much either over the holidays, and work has kept me really busy...

You'll ultimately need to figure this out for yourself. I consider myself lucky - that it was my wife who decided we should split. I wasn't ready to make that decision, and it scared me to death. But in hindsight it was the best thing for us to do. Only time will tell what will be best for you.

But I can tell you that divorce doesn't ruin kids. LOTS of kids have divorced parents - and many divorce for less fundamental reasons than you would be divorcing over. And having a gay dad isn't the end of the world for them either. My kids have adjusted well, and are fairly open about it at school. (Granted, we live in the Toronto area here in Canada - one of the more open and accepting places in the world.) And life has gone on for my ex wife and I as well - we are both happily remarried and we continue to get along well with each other too.

So there is a definite possability for a happy ending here - one way or another.

If you're not happy in your marriage - it's having an impact on your relationships and your work - whether you know it or not. So the short term pain of separation might be worth the long term gain of feeling truly good about yourself for the rest of your life.

 

Hello Dave. I m sorry to know how hard it is what you are living rigth now but let me congratulate you. YOu did the right thing. YOu must be very brave and honest to do that.

If you think about it, something is missing in your marriage for whatever reason. If you are gay and married to a woman and you are happy there shouldn't be any trouble at all because if you are monogamous you are not suppose to look for any other, man or woman... but I think your marriage at this existential point of your life can't give you what you are looking for... and that is a problem, I have the suspicious that is not only about sex...

It is very hard to execute the decision to split but man... you got to do it. It will take its own time because is a process whit a unique time for each of us but once you feel like you are ready you will do it.

Right now you might think it is the worst thing and the end of the world but in a couple of years when you are again the happy boy you use to be you will see back to this point in your life and you will not regret the divorce.

Don't be afraid... look for some counseling... it works very well!!

We are here for you every time you need a friendly voice, a friend.

---------- Post added 3rd Jan 2013 at 10:38 AM ----------

One more thing, do not be so hard with yourself, you are not weak or chicken, it is a very hard and complex time of you life and that is suppose to affect you. I think you are SUPER BRAVE!

 

A friend of mine has been through a similar situation .. he did separate about 5 years ago but remains really close to his wife and his relationship with his kids has deepened beyond recognition. Plus he feels so FREE and liberated ... Don't see it as an "end" but it might just be a fascinating new twist on things...

x

 

i cannot believe this could happen in the US, which is the country, i think, people can enjoy the most freedom. Was it really hard to come out in the past?
Last night, I was watching Happily Divorced (an American comedy series). I thought Americans are so generous. Isn't dramma indeed dramma?
Maybe staying together is better. Maybe being yourself is good for you but is very crule for your wife. In addition, if you get divorced, you may suffer huge financial loss.
Just think of "being yourself" as one of the dreams in your life can never come true( such as being one of the richest guys in the world, sorry i assume you are not one of the richest guys in the world).
Maybe other people have better solutions.

 

Hi Dave, I thought the saying was 'The truth will set you free', even if it doesn't seem that way now. You deserve to be honest with yourself, and it's better than living a lie. Best of luck.

 

Hi there welcome

 

I feel your wife loves you very much.

 

hello hi!

 

Dave - a late entry hello from me too.

Reading your last post, it seems we are very alike and in a very similar position. I'm something like 8 months into this (you can read all about it here somewhere) and still trying to figure what I really want and how to find a solution that works.

The bottom line perhaps is that I am unsure whether I really want to break up the marriage and move into a gay life, or whether I do but just don't have the courage to do it.

Will try and come back later if I get some alone time, but meantime take heart and support from the guys here - there are quite a lot of us tackling this situation.

Best,
Tom