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Hello all, here is my story...

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by VikingHeretic, Dec 31, 2012.

  1. Hey guys. Just made an account, have been a long time lurker. Seems like a legit site to talk about this. Who better to give advice than the people going through the same shit right? Anyway, i guess ill start with my story. I grew up with a family of 4. My Mom, Dad, myself, and my little brother. We also raised my cousin ( happens to be gay but this is irrelevant). Early in my childhood I was molested by an older kid outside the family. This happened many times during my childhood by other children.I also messed around with girls too. I assume that most people go through something like this, but I am convinced this is relevant in the issues I am facing today, anyway on with the story. I remember one time very clearly like it was yesterday, I had gone somewhere with one of the kids that did shit to me, and another kid that was with us ran away (like I should of) and told my dad. When I got home, my dad was screaming at me in the doorway to get inside, and beat the SHIT out of me, I was 7 years old. Since that time, I always felt like it was my fault that it happened to me. As I got older I forgot about it, brushed it under the carpet like you would dust and other unwanted elements. It is important to note that I have always liked girls even as a kid I knew this, even though these things were happening to me. My family and I moved to another state to start a new life in a brand new house with me and my brother with our own rooms which we've never had. There I made new friends, got heavily into Pot, Painting, Ceramics, And my acoustic guitar; and this was also the place where I fell in love for the first time with a gorgeous redheaded girl. I lost my virginity to her at 15.

    Ok, so 3 years later I am in college dating many different girls, still smoking a lot of pot and drinking. Also privately I am watching a lot of Trans-girl porn also known as "shemale" porn. Even though I was watching this I never questioned my sexuality, I was just a little embarrassed that I had friends catch me watching it one time (also she is a fundamentalist christian so she is VERY anti-gay), and it also didn't help that I had a crush on her at that time. Now comes the cherry on top, I went "manic" for about 3 to 4 days, but the 4th day I went completely insane. I was in a state of Mania and had a lot of illusions and distortions of reality, its hard to explain if you've never had one, I don't know how else to describe it. Well during my manic episode apparently one of the crazy things I was yelling at my roomates was "I wanna suck your dick". (lol its funny now that i look back to it). But out of everything that i was doing and saying, the gay stuff I was yelling at people stuck. And ever since they've spread rumors about me from that time I was manic about the things I was saying, knowing I was crazy. Its sad to think the people who you thought were your friends turn out to not be there for you, and even more sad when they're spreading this shit about you.

    So on I go into a deep DEEP depression, moved to California to get away. Ever since that happened I started questioning my sexuality, and then I would go back telling myself "nahh". A year later I went Manic AGAIN for gods sake. Only after this one I knew that it was the Pot i was smoking that was making me go crazy (a THC induced manic episode the doctor said, and these guys are in the top of their profession so please don't make me explain this lol), and again I was saying shit about myself being gay or bi or something. Only the second time I landed in jail. Unfortunately I had pissed off the wrong people while manic this second time and they had friends working in the jail; and had these people torture me and other things I would not like to talk about because its pretty fucked up.

    So here I am today, Dec31st 2012, I have a great and loving girlfriend who knows everything about me, i've told her everything your reading here today. We have a great sex life, shes got a nice butt ;]. Still sometimes questioning my sexuality, def not gay, but maybe bisexual; and even now I don't know if i even am bisexual. I have had mancrushes before but i doubt id ever want to have sex with them. So, ladies and gentlemen now that i've told you my life story, id love some advice on figuring out myself. I'm not much of a writer so hopefully i wrote everything in a manner that makes sense.I'd like to move on with my life and continue it without this state of agony that I am constantly in because of all this. I have a lot to offer to the world so staying at home not making any friends is a waste of grace and friendship that I want to give to humanity. Thank you taking the time to read this, and looking forward to your replys. -Jules. (&&&)
     
  2. (*hug*)

    :welcome: to EC!
     
  3. TheQuietTreader

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Welcome to Empty Closets! I like your username!
     
  4. thankx, i like your orientation answer : "i like one direction" made me lololol
     
  5. BradThePug

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hello and Welcome to EC!!
     
  6. Suffocation

    Full Member

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    Welcome!
    So, you have a girlfriend.. but do you still have sexual fantasies about that shemale porn? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  7. weird, i thought i hit reply but it didnt send. Thanks for the welcome and for reading, and yes i do still have those fantasies, and they are a source of pleasure really.:thumbsup:
     
  8. MixedNutz

    Full Member

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