I just really figured it out, put all the pieces together to realize the obvious answer standing right in front of me the whole time. I'm 18 years old, a freshman in college. I've kissed five men over the years, and felt nothing at all. I eventually was in some sort of relationship with three of those men, and even though they ahd feelings for me, I for some reason could not feel anything past friendship for them. I was with two of them physically... both out of desperation just to feel something and I was numb to it, completely. At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought: I must be just some cold-hearted bitch. I can't feel anything, with anyone. I'm the problem, I'm just messed up beyond repair. But now... I understand, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't the fault of those men, either. I'm a lesbian, and it's so... freeing. I feel like screaming it from the rooftops. I'm not afraid of what challenges that I will have to face because of who I am, but instead thrilled at the new possibilites and life that this realization has to offer for me. I'm truely myself, and it's exhilerating.
It's so exciting for me. A new world seems to have opened up for me... and for once, it's one I belong in. :icon_bigg
I'm so happy for you!!! I wish I had been that accepting upon learning this about myself. I'm 20 and still struggle with it, but discovered it at your age. Anywho, I'm proud of you sweetheart! ^LoL YES!!!
Hell yes! (!) I can't even stop being excited about it, it's so overwhelming and amazing. I have been so confused, so sure that something was wrong with me, for so long... that finally finding my answer is fantastic. My dad is a hardcore, anti-gay Christian, and I'm looking forward to freaking the hell out of him :eusa_danc The difficulties of what people in my life may think, how they may react... it doesn't even phase me. Telling them that I'm a lesbian is equivalent to me telling them that my eyes are brown... it's just a part of who I am, so it's not scary to me, even if it might be to them.
I'm glad you figured it out. I experienced much the same things. I dated a few guys in high school trying to fit in. A few kisses and nothing. The turning point was when one grabbed my breast and that was it. I have never looked back on guys again. Hugs sister
I just really figured it out, put all the pieces together to realize the obvious answer standing right in front of me the whole time. I'm 18 years old, a freshman in college. I've kissed five men over the years, and felt nothing at all. I eventually was in some sort of relationship with three of those men, and even though they ahd feelings for me, I for some reason could not feel anything past friendship for them. I was with two of them physically... both out of desperation just to feel something and I was numb to it, completely. At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought: I must be just some cold-hearted bitch. I can't feel anything, with anyone. I'm the problem, I'm just messed up beyond repair. But now... I understand, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't the fault of those men, either. I'm a lesbian, and it's so... freeing. I feel like screaming it from the rooftops. I'm not afraid of what challenges that I will have to face because of who I am, but instead thrilled at the new possibilites and life that this realization has to offer for me. I'm truely myself, and it's exhilerating. To Always Learning..... Wow...we must be related - only I am much slower on the up-take. I am now 40, but didn't start really questioning my sexuality until I turned 38. I did the whole marriage thing and even have 2 beautiful children. Somehow I always felt "broken" sexually; however, having been with a woman I have noticed a huge difference!!! :0) Sadly, I have not been able to come out of the closet and am still struggling with the way I was raised and what I feel. Only a few friends know....it's not fun having to hide.
Here are a couple of book titles about women that came out later in life. Women share their stories about discovery and first relationships. They are wonderful reads and both are available in e book form. They are available on Kindle as well. Late Bloomers and Dear John I love Jane: Women Writing about Leaving Men for Women I think they can be good for anyone to read when it comes to self discovery and the process of coming out. There are a couple of decent movies that touch the subject as well. Late Bloomers This movie is different than the book. Lianna is another film which touches the topic. Good stories about finding ones self and coming out which could well apply o any age. Hugs
I'm 52 and just started questioning my sexuality about a year and a half ago, so I understand later life discovery. It was so surprising, kind of like this giant light bulb coming on. I mean, it must seem so crazy to some that you could go through so much life and not realize your sexuality, but it happens. I, too, have 2 children, 14 and 22, and don't regret my children or my marriages one bit (although now I understand why they didn't last), but I am looking forward to this new part of my life and get really excited when I think about it. I can look back and all the pieces fall into place...things like why I didn't enjoy my first kiss, my first sex or my honeymoon night, to name a few. I just thought it was anxiety. It was so ingrained in my brain that homosexuality was abnormal/bad and that I was a "good girl" that I really didn't have a chance of figuring myself out. I just did what was expected of me. Now I know. I just wish someone had helped me with this as a kid. And it makes me so happy to see all the young men and women here figuring things out so early and having help with it. The schools really do need to do more.
Both your stories brought tears to my eyes. Jade Ivy your words in the bold really strike me. I discovered my sexuality a long long time ago in high school in fact. My problem in that era I did not understand it. I had no place to go to understand what being a lesbian was. The stigma was much greater then, There was a lack of information as well. You brought tears to my eyes. The bold underlined is what I experienced. It was frightening to be having thoughts about girls and women fifty years ago. I felt alone. I did find out and I did work it out. But so many like you did not and found out eventually. Hugs.
Thanks Kay. That means a lot to me. Alwayslearning....I am so happy for you and understand why you are so happy.
You're welcome. I know why you are so happy as well. When you find your true self it is amazing. It's like all the colors of the rainbow flash on at once. hehehe
