I am 55 and been married 23 years with two kids, 19 and 16. I have been hiding from my sexuality for as long as i can remember. when I was in high school, in the 70's, I just avoided it. In my twenties, I kind of called myself gay and had many gay friends but I never had a real intimate relationship with a man. I certainly said nothing to my family. I think I deceived myself and my wife that I was straight or "bisexual" because I wanted to have that "normal" life with the kids, soccer, school plays, etc., etc. my wife and I were always good friends and still are but I'm just not attracted to her or any woman for that matter. I finally told her this a few months ago and she has been supportive but we are deadlocked. I don't see a way forward. In many ways I like my life; I like my wife's extended family. I am terrified of going out and restarting my life. As a result of all this confusion, I have been struggling with intense depression. I'm getting help but feel stuck because it just seems like every road is full of minefields.
Our stories are quite similar. I'm not out to my wife, but I'm working in that direction. I have three sons, all adult ages. I am on a six-month plan to rectify my life and get out of the situation where I cannot be who I was born to be. The "gay" part of me was a birth condition. The "choice" part of me was to hide from it and try and conform/perform as the world expected. Now, it's my turn to be myself and I have a feeling that it's going to be great!!!
