I been doing researches on sexuality including using academic sources and other sources which involves trying to dissect sexuality instead of sources which shows only assumption with nothing to back it up. Sexuality studies/researches involves proof, suggestive evidences, correlative evidence, etc. What I have come to the conclusion is that there is no perfect definition for attracted, sexual attraction, and everybody is different in their own way. I also found that there can be possibly over 200 different theories behind sexuality that can have the basic points such as hormones , genes, environmental, and social construction with different sets of ideas of how each influences one's sexuality. In some theories, fluid sexuality is to be expected because of how hormones still continues to influence one's development and/or how the brain is malleable to the effects of hormonal effects and/or possible epigenetics being involved. What I am forced to conclude is that there is no correct answers to the questions of the sexuality topic. Now what does this have to do with calling myself a pomosexual? Well, it confirms my belief that sexual orientation labels or sexuality labels can be problematic at times as it may not say the whole story. As for my background. Age:19 years old Sex:M Educational status: 2nd year in college I had sexual interest way back when I was 8 years old, but I knew I shouldn't even be involved into sexual intercourse. Back then, I enjoyed women's bodies as I enjoy their curves, but all I see them overall as something that's just there kind of an artwork. I was exploring artworks which shows the beauty behind women's shape and how lighting makes them more aesthetically pleasing to look at. I have never had a desire to form a social relationship with anyone myself other than friendship level. Fast-forward to being in 6th grade, I had my first real crush on a girl and I knew I wanted to spend some time with her. Nonetheless, I had bullies trying to bother me about it. All I wanted is to talk with her casually and be all chill with her. That's really all I can recall as I can't translate visual memory to words. I do admit to having a crush to a feminine guy myself, but it didn't disappoint me when he turned me down. Then, I had my moment looking at beautiful girls back in the day and I desired some few amount of sexual intercourse with girls, but I also knew it was risky back then. That didn't stop me from being naughty as I experienced a girl grinding at me which was enjoyable. I was just being casual not having interest into a relationship because I'd rather focus on something else. I had a lot of blushes. My favorite moment is when the girl that was way older than me noticed I do like her and I denied it, but she responded 'you like me, don't ya?' and then went to kiss her boyfriend (He was rather fine). A small detail between the time between 6th to 8th grade, there were plenty of moments where I start to become so detached from the world that I was just staring in empty space. I knew that I was gonna become more solitary even though I know I can't predict the future. I am a solitary young man. In the course of high school, I was slowly losing interest into socialization. During those moment I was losing desire to socialize, I was also losing interest into sexual activities. Fast-forward to 9th grade, I had some interest into learning about trying to engage into a more serious relationship though I was rarely in the mood to socialize. I am utterly confused about my own sexuality and feelings toward others. Then, I experienced some crushes on some girls, but I was lost as to how to socialize. I also had a crush on a guy, but I didn't want to do anything with him romantically or sexually. There was some alternating shifts of interest to guys and girls which can change from 3-9 months. I noticed I started losing interest into sexual intercourse in the middle of the school year. A small note: I was intentionally isolating myself more and more as each grades progressed. While I am capable of feeling desire for other people and I am emotional, I was slowly losing in touch with the needs of having other people. It is exactly why I felt discomfort with this lovely girl I met even though I do deeply liked her. Onto 10th grade, I started engaging into a real and strong friendship with this one girl. It all started with my awe at her wonderful sexy and strong body in a dark room. I was sleeping in class before I noticed her and I was hoping she doesn't go away from that class. So, when the timing was right, I stepped in to talk to her and it was a start of a feeling of actually being connected to someone. I was interested into getting to know her and we both had a strong friendship. We were talking about studies and she model for me at some times. At 10th grade, we met when we can at lunch though at 11th grade, I had to get out of class just to meet her while the teacher approved me of doing it. During out the 11th grade, sometimes, she would go near the classroom so that she can meet me and she also wanted to spend some more time with me. I wasn't really comfortable with seeing her more than 2 times a week and 2 mins at a time, but I compromised regardless and so did she. I had some of the most glorious feeling as a young man back then. Besides of all of this, I was losing interest into sexual relationship and socialization overall which is why I spent much less time with her at 11th grade. Other than this girl, I did enjoy to spend time with this guy at 10th grade and I feel some attachment to this guy while I know I am capable of having sex with him not because I'm sexually interested, but I'm emotionally interested. I didn't really spend much time with this guy either. I didn't have that much crushes as other time of my life. During the 12th grade, I had flashback on that girl which made me feel like I'm in love. I wasn't really interested into spending time with people at all, so I limited the amount of time they can interact with me. I had some few crushes over there and there, but I had zero interest into engaging at this point of my life. I considered myself an asexual at this time. Before that time, I declared myself to be a dominantly heterosexual man. I still appreciate the female body during this time of my life, but I feel as they're something that's just there. I don't really fancy having sex with anyone nor a relationship with anyone at this point. Note: I was studying sexuality and sexual orientation since I was 16 years old and that made me realize that there are so many different interpretations of sexuality that it makes no sense for me to use a sexuality label and it also makes no sense to assert that these labels will necessarily work for people when there are so many different scenarios which goes against the validity of these labels. I knew about pomosexuality when I was 17 years old. I also learned about fluid sexuality which explained so much as well. During out college, I have yet to feel any actual interest other than squishes. It is possible that my life experience before college is mostly consistent of squishes, so I won't deny that they're squishes, but I will also not deny my past sexuality is different than today's sexuality. I barely even socialized in college other than for working purpose. I do not recall a time where I had that much interest before 12th grade. Needless to say, I still enjoy the body of the female bodies from time to time being a freshman at college. As a sophomore in college, I see my libido as nothing more than a biological urge and I had 0 interest. However, this doesn't mean I am not open to a relationship, I am open to one if and only I find a woman that tries to operate only on logic and reasons rather than emotions and is willing to go through domestic partnership. Another condition is no to limited affection or love as I am not interested into those anymore. I don't have a problem with reproducing, but I do realize the issue of population and resources, so I will factor that in for my decision. The fact that I am open to a relationship under the circumstances does not mean that I am in need of having friendships as I am quite content with being alone myself and I am content to sticking with operating on reasons and logic, it's just mean if I ever found a woman who would not mind such a restrictive conduction, then I would not have a single problem contributing to that relationship. Special note: Most of the time between 8 to 19 years old, I was interested into looking at the bodies of women and I enjoyed to look at them for pleasure, however when I got older (16-19 years old), I started to lose interest into women and now it feels like I'm just looking to fullfill my biological urges and I do not have interest into having sex with anyone. I have a disassociated form of sexual arousal where my phantom body enjoys looking at women, but I simply do not feel a desire or needs to engage into sexual activities. My real body and brain feels no desire to even engage. It is possible to make an argument that I still feel sexual attraction as I get sexually aroused by the female body nowaday from the social constructionist viewpoint hence, I am currently heterosexual if the argument is to be presumed correct.
I'd like to edit my old message on this part, so here's a fix. ------ It is my belief that sexual orientation labels or sexuality labels can be problematic at times as it may not say the whole story. I consider myself a pomosexual. ----- And yes, I am Reptorian from ExperienceProject.
