Hi, I'm obviously new here and not sure how to begin. Hm, so I guess I'll begin with a bit of myself. I'm Nick from Brazil (exotic isn't it?) and I found out this site accidentally when I was doing research for a homosexual romance I'm writting. I love writting since I learned how to and even before I was always in love with books and stories. I think - like most people - that I was knew I wasn't totally straight or just like "everyone else". When I was a kid (like 4/5) I remember I wanted to be boy because I thought being a boy was cooler than being a girl. Fortunately my parents weren't the type to stereotype so they used to give me "boy's toys" when I asked, but I always got "girl's toys" as well, so you can say I had the best of both worlds since always. I grew up very shy and a bit anti-social, but that was fine until my 12-13 years old. I didn't suffer because of my sexuality, but being different is never easy and it's ridiculous how many people don't accept it. When I was that age, I started to distance myself from my female friends, because of various reasons, and got closer to the boys of my class as a friend. That time, I felt very lonely and fell into depression. For my lucky, my mother is very present and soon caught up to it and we talked. Sexuality was mentioned but I told her I liked boys (what I truly believed by that time), and she seemed very happy about it, even confessing to be a relief to her as she sometimes thought I liked girls. What helped me through this difficult phase of my life was a female friend of mine. We had studied together few years ealier, and when I felt isolated in school, we began to talk more and became real friends. I don't know when my feelings for her changed, and I was still in denial that time, always shooing the thoughts that I wanted to kiss her when she slept over. Then a year later, when I was 14, we fought a lot over anything. I think I was jealous I didn't have all her attention to me, because she had all mine (still that time I thought she was a sister to me). In the end we had a horrible argument that crushed our friendship forever. I started dating a guy from my class, but it didn't last long. After a while, me and this friend who I loved, started talking again, but it wasn't the same thing. We're still in good terms and once I wrote her an e-mail confessing I used to eb in love with her, but she never answered it and we never talked about it. Now we barely talk, but that's fine. I'm not a very open person so it's hard to approach me and people usually confuse my shyness to rudeness, so I never went out with many people. I only kissed two people in my life, the guy I mentioned ealier, who after I dated for almost two years and another guy from college who I talked for a week, kissed and then nothing, almost strangers. I never kissed a girl, but I'm positive I'll like it. It's funny that only few people know I'm bi not because I'm afraid of their reactions, but because I know their reactions and they're negative. I told about it to a lesbian friend I lost contact because she moved, to my ex-boyfriend who doesn't talk to me because of his new girlfriend, to the girl I loved and to a friend of mine who doesn't care about it, so that's it. It's not that I don't want to talk, but I never had anything with a girl, so I guess I'm waiting for this opportunity to, you know, not hide it. But I still like guys and guys on guys (because wow that's sexy). And I usually check both guys and girls on street, but I tend to have more sexual attraction to women while I have more emotional attraction to men. Rudely saying, usually boys make my heart beats faster and girls make me wet XD. Sorry for the long, long, looong introduction. I hope it's fine and I hope to talk to you and find a place to be me. Thanks
