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I hope it gets better.

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Dins3label, Mar 7, 2013.

  1. Dins3label

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    Hello everybody! I'm new here.. and I'm new to the idea that I am gay. I'm 18 and a freshman in college. I've been attracted to men but I think I've been too scared to admit it until this point. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost three years and it has been wonderful, but I know that there is something wrong. It really is a terrible feeling because I feel like I've built up this idea of me so well through high school and I'm just starting to realize that I've trapped myself into something I don't want to be.

    I've always put a lot of emphasis into what people think about me, and I'm scared to think that I'll be judged for who I am. More importantly, I don't want to hurt my girlfriend. My feelings have been so confusing recently. I can't tell what's love, whats denial, or what is just a friendship. These confusing feelings have persisted throughout the relationship and I thought that I would be able to get rid of them by now.

    If anyone has gone through something similar that would be great. At this point, I'm just really scared, considering I kind of admitted to myself something that I have been fighting back for a very long time.

    All the best.
    -D
     
  2. Minx

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    Welcome to EC. :slight_smile:
     
  3. campervankid

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    Hi, welcome to EC. Sorry, cant say I have ever been through anything similar but just thought I'd show my support. I think you should focus less on what other people think though because if they are important to you and you are important to them then they will probably just accept you and love you as you. As far as the girlfriend thing I dont know but if you aren't happy then isnt it better to tell soomeone sooner about it instead of letting it build up? Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? :slight_smile:
     
  4. Dins3label

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    I have talked to her about things related to my feelings for her. But not related to a sexual orientation. Every time I think about it I get sick to my stomach and really depressed. I feel like if I tell her then there will be no turning back, and our relationship will not be the same.
     
  5. The Dude

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    Yo dude, I'm 18 and a freshman in college also. Let me know if you want to talk. Your post sounds exactly like my life, except I don't have a girlfriend to make things more complicated...I hope you find what you're looking for.
     
  6. campervankid

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    well then maybe you need to spend some time figuring out who you are for sure and accepting yourself. You could suggest having a break from your relationship? It might be tough to come out to people but usually I think it can only get better from there. I've only come out to my best friend which I know isnt the same but we are really close and I was really scared about doing it but even if she had of reacted badly I think I would still have felt better just to get it off my chest. (*hug*)
     
  7. Dins3label

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    campervankid,
    about a week ago I did suggest that. However I really don't think that's a good idea. We go to different schools now so we are technically on our and only talk on the phone. Usually we see each other every other weekend. LAst weekend I told her that I was still very confused about my feelings for her and we were both crying. I don't want to make a mistake here because I'm still really not sure how i feel.

    @thedude
    good to hear. have you come out to anyone?
     
  8. The Dude

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    Not really, but my bros and friends all can tell...lol. I'm still not 100% sure about my sexuality, but I was thinking about telling some people straight up that I think I'm gay but not completely sure. Both my bros would be cool, and my friends I don't think will care to much. I don't know about the people around you, hopefully they'd be able to accept you if you are in fact gay.
     
  9. Dublin Boy

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    Hi Dins3label :welcome: to EC, I have only recently came out to myself & admitted that I was Gay :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  10. campervankid

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    OP, it sounds like your very close then but I'm sure you will figure out who you are sooner or later. I'd kind of known I was gay from the age of about nine but was only willing to accept the possibility when I was thirteen. From then it only took me a couple of months to know who I was, I think accepting that you could be gay when you are questioning deffo helps even if you are worried. good luck with figuring it out and I hope it gets better for you too but I'm pretty sure it will :slight_smile:
     
    #10 campervankid, Mar 7, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2013
  11. greatwhale

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    You stated that you've been attracted to men. Perhaps it would be helpful to you to flesh that out (so to speak) a little more: examine within yourself those specific, detailed instances (make a list) where you have noticed this, examine how you feel in those moments and how strong those feelings are.

    Then compare those same categories of feelings vis-à-vis how you feel about your girlfriend. If, as you yourself probably suspect, they are overwhelmingly for guys, it might make it easier for you to come to terms with it.

    I have said several times here at EC that it is far, far better to accept this early in life. I will say it again, the pain of a divorce is a thousand times worse than the pain of coming out to yourself and others. In both cases, pain there will be, there is no easy way to integrity.
     
  12. Snowfall

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    I went through the exact same thing like 2 weeks ago,i finally told everyone i know that i'm gay and many people were shocked but they calmed down and were cool with it,my parents were pretty taken aback though,6 years of intense denial isnt good for anyone's mental health :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: my girlfirend was heartbroken as she was obsessed with me but believe it or not,she's going out with the guy i cemented the situation with,funny huh? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: best thing to do is follow your heart,do what you think is right,and when faced with a guy,be yourself,personality is much more attractive than looks,also,get out there and be happy,only took me 6 years :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  13. Dins3label

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    You guys are right. I should probably take a step back and figure myself out.. I just would have thought that coming out would entail me becoming an entirely different person.

    And thank you great whale. I figure I'm only 18. I don't want to get married and feel like I made the wrong choice 15 years down the line with kids.

    It's terrible though. I feel like I only have two paths ahead of me and the fork of the road is coming up and I'm driving 60 miles an hour on a highway. And if I don't decide now I could be stuck with something for the rest of my life. Saying "I'm gay" is a big commitment...
     
  14. greatwhale

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    It's not saying you're gay, it's accepting what is already there if it is there! and giving it a name, it might be something else, but you really need some time to figure it out. It's a big commitment, but the commitment is to your own integrity, not a label.
     
  15. malachite

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    Welcome.

    Not caring what others think comes with self-confidence which you build throughout your life.
     
  16. Dins3label

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    Well then how do I go about figuring out who I am then?
     
  17. Snowfall

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    Only you can do that man,i thought everything would about me would change when i accepted it but nothing really has,it's weird :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Be true to yourself man,that's the only way to figure out, don't be afraid to experiment in all ways of life :grin:
     
  18. Dublin Boy

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  19. MapleCross

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    Wow, my heart goes out to you in your situation. Obviously you like and indeed love your girlfriend, but is that love enough to spend your life with her. It is probably not a good idea to make any major decisions about this relationship until you have figured out a little bit more, who you are. Please give yourself time and do not rush into just being a "label" but be true to your own wonderful self, what ever that is, gay, bi or hetro.

    My good wishes go with you
     
  20. Maffew

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    Welcome to EC :slight_smile:
    I can't say I have been through anything you have been through, but if you ever need a chat, there are loads of great people here to help you!