im 24yrs old. I felt i was a woman since i was three years old. i spent a long time learning to survive as i was and then furthering that i wasted a lot of time pretending to be somebody im not. over the last few years ive been progressively open about how i feel. i had a relationship with a straight woman for 7 yrs, she knew about my secret but being the first person i ever shared it with i couldnt explain it to her fully. it took me a long time to be honest with her and myself, we fell apart... in the end i felt bad because she fell in love with the man she seen me as, but had i expressed the woman i felt i was from the beginning we wouldnt have gotten so close. i understand that she personally cant accept its just sad to me still. i live in the middle of nowhere even tho im a city person, i learned quickly i cant relate with ppl out here and started to isolate myself for the last few months. there arent any lgbt groups that are close. i dont really have much support i met a woman at crisis intervention that i think is the cutest thing ever she has so much heart its sweet of her to keep trying to help. i wish i knew more ppl like her with heart for everyone... lately i have been self destructing my male life and job. finding the resources i desire honestly means moving, i wont miss it but im scared of the road ahead cuz im unsure where im going or the things i have yet to go through. im jumping for that chance to feel whole, complete, to feel like i am, myself..
First of all, welcome! I hope a (!) cheers you up, at least slightly. Look at his fabulous tempo! It's hypnotizing. More seriously, have you seriously considered moving away to a city? Do you live alone, or with your family, or with (a) roommate(s)? If you live alone, and you don't really have any connections where you live, a change of scenery could do wonders for you, I'm sure. Many people on this forum can likely relate to you greatly, much more than the average person (which, unfortunately, includes me. Still, I hope I can help at least a bit). For someone born and raised in a city, like me, I'd imagine it is quite lonely 'in the middle of nowhere'. If you do decide to move, maybe it might be best to find a place to live / rent, and look for any job openings as well. You could also look to see if there are any LGBT meet-ups or groups that you could go to, and that could be a way to settle in if you decide to move. Part of the appeal of moving away, like, for example, for university, is the thrill of starting over fresh and being able to be yourself, free of any preconceptions. It's also kinda daunting and scary, but... I think it might be quite nice for you. In closing, though, moving away is kind of a big deal (well, at least to me. I dunno if it's difficult for you, or if it has been). Make sure you think things through before you move, if you decide to! Here's an e-hug =) (*hug*)
thanks everyone, and Luthan i spent my whole life jumping from place to place, childhood jumping around group homes, when i graduated high school i had good chances to go to college instead i just wanted to see places and maybe find myself, but i love a long drive. constantly i build over and improve each time generally, the end is the beginning and the beginning is the end
Welcome to EC!!! Orientation: prefer women what do i write here? You might write Lesbian if you only prefer women. If you would not mind a guy as well Bisexual would work as well. You need to discover your tastes and move forward from that point. Hugs and nice meeting you love
