I ought to introduce myself...

..but I don't like to talk about myself much... What can I say? I've just turned 18.
Have great parents. Am a mechanic. Always wanted to be and my workplace is next door, how lucky can one be?
Since the end of last year I have a wonderful boyfriend, who moved in last x-mas. (Told you I have great parents!)
But he has been beaten into a coma last month.
After the first week of fear of losing him, and sheer disbelieve, all kinds of feelings stormed my mind. Now we are more than a month further and I start to be hopeful, although I know he will come out disabled and might have a changed personality, which scares me a little. He was a lovely chirpy person. But I will take care of him, no mater what.
It's something that is important in my life now, so had to tell you.

 

Thank you!

 

Thank you all. You are so nice!
I see I wrote "no mater what" , sorry. I make a lot of mistakes lately. Am a bit of a mess. But you know what I mean.
I will take care of him, because
1 I know he would do the same thing to me.
2 I was a virgin, hadn't even ever kissed someone before, and he handled it very, very well. I'll always be grateful for that.
3 He has been through a lot and he worked very hard to get over it to be able to love and I feel after all that I shouldn't abandon him, but simply give him the love he was seaking and deserves.
4 I have the full support of my parents.

 

Thank you.
I am lucky to have parents that take turnes to drive me to the hospital (also hours away), because I still cry when I go and when I leave... I would be a danger on the road...

What I don't like is that people start to avoid the subject. I really, really, need to talk.
The last thing I want is pretending he doesn't exist just because he doesn't have a voice now.

It's nice to hear that your friends' husband is recovering!

I refuse to give up hope.

 

Thank you.

 

Thank you. I'm really pleased I found EC.

 

Thank you both. You are all so kind!
This is so weird. I live in a town where men have to be men, if you know what I mean.
(Lucky that I am a mechanic and at least can talk about cars with them).
But here it's so different, one can talk about feelings.

 

I hope so too, otherwise I have to simply win him for me again...

Thinking back about the way we met, it shouldn't be too difficult... There were no words necessary then...

I mean, my mom offered him a drink and asked if he would sit with us, we (or rather they) had a little chat, he put his hand on my leg, I put my hand on top and he asked my mom if he could take me outside. There I told him I never even kissed a guy. He said that we had to change that immediately and brought me to a quiet spot where it happend. I was in heaven. I thought I would faint... The rest of the holiday I was with him when possible and when we had to leave, my parents invited him for x-mas. Being apart from him until x-mas was awful.

Since he broke up with his ex before he went into therapy (he was still in therapy when we met), he had nowhere to go and my parents said he could move in. One day I found him crying in the arms of my mom and I was afraid he would leave me, but he was just afraid he wasn't good enough for me and afraid I would want to leave him!
It's when I heard more about his past and how bad his health had been last year. I just loved him more.
But he was really nervous for a while and in a effort to relax, we went on holiday to Italy (to a friend that is like a big sister to him).
On the way to the airport he was shaky 'cause he hadn't slept well for days. I stopped the car and told him that we were fine. That he was the best thing that happened to me. He fell asleep and slept until we reached the airport and a lot afterwards too.... He finally believed things would be okay, I suppose.

Later we had a short holiday in Brazil, and it was great to experience carnival there and learn more about that part of his background.

In short, we had a brilliant time together and I hope he will remember some of it or at least understand/feel that we were close.

But I fear he will not remember anything and we will have to start overnew.
Which is fine with me.
I just want him to feel safe and loved.

I wish we had less sex and more talks, because now I had to ask his friends about his favorite music, I felt awful that I didn't know such simple things about him...
But at least I knew he would want his Teddy (well rabbit, or what's left of it).
O boy, not sure I should tell such intimate things...

Or talk about him at all, but I simply have to. I'm sorry. I miss him.

---------- Post added 30th Mar 2013 at 10:08 AM ----------

Thank you.
As for the looking up to, I feel it's kinda logic one will take care of a loved one?