Hello c:

I just recently found this website and I wrote my first blog. Which I never would have done without a provoking reason. I am a high school senior. I have some issues that I have from my past that I am now getting out. Anyway, I have been so confused about who and what type of person I was attracted to. Lets say specific family members have never accepted me for different reasons and I keep to myself about everything because I can't trust them. I haven't been the most social person, to the extreme, until I turned 17 (which was a year ago). But I can say that, now, I am never going to be with a "man". There is a psychological issue, that I assume, is a issue a lot men and women deal with. It is called "Hetero-Emotional". Basically saying that a person is attracted to the stability and emotional connection of a hetero relationship but is sexually attracted to the same sex. Of which I found that it was exactly what I feel about my life up until now. It's so nice feeling that there is other people who feel this way. So, I have been looking up what a lesbian is and what types their are. Since I am new to all of this I realized like I said I never want to be with a man, even if I get emotionally attached, which tells me I am a lesbian but not a good one.
I identify with "futch".
Since I learned that their is a name to how I feel, I dug into myself because of different reasons. I wanted the acceptance of a male figure in my life since my dad is dead and my mom is distant and that is one reason I have chosen total assholes in my life and it never worked (Hetero-Emotional plus me forgiving everyone). I have been writing and writing almost everyday about things in my past that I have repressed I realized I am both afraid of getting committed to anything and I am deathly afraid of men. I find refuge in women and that makes me more emotionally attached to women.
I don't know if I am getting my point across but I will eventually.
I'm just trying to say I have been out of touch with people and now I actually have friends and people who support me. And that I realized I am not who I thought I was. So here's to a new life and growth!