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What brought me here...

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by alchemi, Apr 23, 2013.

  1. alchemi

    Regular Member

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    Hi everyone,

    I plan on posting a detailed post in the LGBT later in life thread about my specific situation but in a nuthell, I'm 31 and in a long-term relationship with a woman (most likely 'was' in one, more on that later).

    Our relationship has been rocky for a while for many reasons and we've finally decided to have a "break". I need to sort out my sexuality issues, and she is dealing with depression and intimacy issues resulting form a sexual assault incident a year ago. Needless to say, we are both in a pretty strange place and have accepted that our relationship is not working any more. I've always identified as bi but have recently come to terms with the fact that I may have just been in denial and am actually just plain ol' gay.

    But I love my girlfriend and honestly don't think I'll ever meet anyone as kind and understanding as she has been to me. We've shared many many happy years together, which is also why I think I haven't come to terms with my gayness yet. I didn't want to hurt her and I was trying to convince myself that I'd be be better off living a "normal" life with this great woman...but you know how it is, those feelings are always there no matter how much you fight them and how much you love the person you're currently with.

    Anyway, just here for support as I'm dealing with the dual issues of sexual identity/coming out while also dealing with the break-up of a long-term relationship. Neither are easy.

    I've looked on this forum every now and then for info and guidance and have found it a great resource, but now it's time to be active.

    Thanks in advance for your support :slight_smile:
     
  2. wrhla

    wrhla Guest

    welcome, alchemi. if you have already perused the later in life forum, you know that you are among friends who know what it's like to find yourself in this strange place.

    I look forward to reading your post.
     
  3. Musician

    Full Member

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    Hey Alchemi, welcome. I'm also sorting this all out. The difference is that I always identified as straight because I didn't have gay inclinations at all. Goodness knows how repressed I must have been. I'm also in a LTR with a wonderful woman, so I'm working through all this. Good to know there are others in the same boat. Cheers, and looking forward to hearing more from you.
     
  4. alchemi

    Regular Member

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    Thanks guys,

    I know I'm not alone in this, but it's hard sometimes not to feel like you are. I just had a good chat with my girlfriend (looking more like ex) and she says she understands how hard this is and that she will be there for me.

    Right now the fear of coming out is nowhere near as strong an emotion as the guilt I have that I lived a lie with her all these years and the embarrassment this will no doubt cause her. She's already joked about how everyone's gonna think she turned me gay.

    Her parents are very strict Latin-American Catholics who I have heard in the past say that homosexuals don't deserve to live... yep, those people are still out there, even in 2013.... and I can only imagine the hatred they're going to hold towards me. But as my gf said, that's their problem and it was her choice to be with me, not theirs, and also her choice to accept me for what I am. If they don't get that than too bad.

    wrhla: I read your post in the Later forum and I just want to say congratulations, this is hard enough for me to do and I'm not even married or anything. I also can't imagine what it must have been like knowing you were gay in the 60s, 70s, and even 80s, when there was so much persecution and hate towards the LGBT community. I'm so grateful to be able to come out in a time when there's support and (mostly) understanding that it's ok to be what we are.

    Musician: Also glad to hear someone else is in the same boat. Does your girlfriend/wife know about your feelings? Would love to chat more and share our experiences :slight_smile:
     
  5. ForgottenRose

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    Location:
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    Welcome to the forums! :slight_smile:
     
  6. BradThePug

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Some people
    Hello and Welcome to EC!!
     
  7. bagginses

    bagginses Guest

    hello and welcome
     
  8. alchemi

    Regular Member

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    Thanks for the welcomes everybody. :grin:
     
  9. malachite

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Out to everyone
    welcome aboard (love the nickname BTW) hope you can find some answers here