So ok here it goes... I am probably making WAY too big a deal out of this and it's going to sound weird but I am not sure if I belong in this community. I have lived a pretty good life and am now in my adults years learning things about myself. So here we go...and a big hug to all who answer I am 33 years old, male and married to my lovely and fully bi wife. 10 years we have been married now and wow I can't imagine not being with her...anyway I have always had a terribly powerful feminine side and have been nurtured by friends and family to encourage growth of said feminine side. Since I was young I appreciated beauty in every single facet. Outer beauty of women (and trust me you all are), inner beauty of women and the personalities of women. Just all of it. But then comes my teenage years when I started realizing it wasn't just women that caught this eye. Men, trans, women, everyone. If I was attracted to someone it wasn't due to gender. So flash forward to a year ago. My wife and I are talking about what really constitutes bisexuality. I try not to be too academic about it, but this is what I have come to know about myself. I am almost equally sexually attracted to men and women. I believe I am bisexual and have been for years despite not doing anything with a man. So I have some questions, and if I don't belong here please tell me and I will leave peacefully. The urges I have towards men and women...or anyone for that matter...why does it take so long to admit something like this to yourself? Being bi, I have heard in some LGBT circles is almost shunned. Like bi's don't know what it's like to have gone through what trans or gay/queer people have been through. Is that true? Should I shut my bi trap and walk away from the LGBT community because I don't belong? Finally, if I have never experienced with a guy, does that make me not bi? Sorry for all the extremely newbish questions...I guess I need help thank you Foxface
Firstly, welcome to the forum! Anyways, to answer your last question - not having had sex with anyone at my age does not constitute being asexual. I'm anything BUT. So yes, you can be bisexual without having had any... intimate experiences.. with various gendered people, as is the case with myself. Also, given what I've seen of this place so far, it's accepting of pretty much anyone and everyone, so I wouldn't worry too much about being shunned.
Thank you so much! I am feeling a lot more comfortable with myself...there were a few less-than-intimate experiences...but experiences nonetheless...and it just never phased me...it was comfortable...thanks for the welcome Foxface
You don't have to say "I believe." We respect self-identification here. Only you can know yourself on that level. You are bisexual. Because we're terrified. I thought I'd lose all my friends if I admitted my bisexuality to myself. We're afraid of being ridiculed, fired, ostracized, beaten, and killed. Fun fact, a recent study showed that multisexual women are the most at-risk group for rape. Many folks in gay and lesbian community is often pretty hostile to bisexuals, and that very much includes Empty Closets. I've had to yell at people nearly constantly for months, and I will not relent any time soon. That said, there are beautifully accepting sisters, brothers, and everyone in between here and in gay and lesbian communities offline. I have found that the problems people have with multisexuals can be neatly separated into two categories: problems from distrust, and problems from jealousy. Some folks who distrust us think that we have desires for all people of our targeted genders at once and that we're incapable of monogamy or uniquely bad about fidelity. Another problem in this category has to do with assertions that since we can "be straight" (we can't), we're not as invested in LGBT struggles, so we can get excluded even from spaces where straight allies are accepted with open arms. As far as the problems with jealousy go, these include things like wanting to enjoy the benefits of straightness that we're presumed to have access to (many of us--like me--don't have such access). They want our span of attraction, or they want the ability to "just be normal." Among really educated trolls on Empty Closets, we are sometimes said to have "straight privilege." So, there is that hostility, yes, but it's never rational. While I won't sugarcoat the reality for you, the queer community still is a big family, and I'm happy that you can be my brother. Nope, it doesn't. It's possible I may never be in a romantic relationship with a woman. That doesn't invalidate my bisexuality and make me gay. All that's necessary is the capacity for attraction. Welcome, brother.
I snipped the whole quote but had to leave the magenta color I can't thank you enough for being so open and honest. Yes...I am bisexual...yes I am concerned I will be shunned but that won't stop me from being me...everything you've said here was so beautiful...I thank you my sister Foxface ---------- Post added 2nd May 2013 at 09:35 PM ---------- sorry ignore this...I wasn't intending to ask anyone to chat off of EC...when I get access to the chat I am sure we can talk
