Last year this time, I thought I was a straight man who just either wasn't interested in relationships (with women) or just hadn't found Ms. Right. However, I always had the lurking notion that I was gay. I wouldn't dare mention it, or even really allow myself to think about it because as long as I never mentioned, it wasn't real. It was just a bad dream. However, all of that changed abruptly late last year. I became reacquainted with an old friend after many years apart and was instantly attracted to him. Since he was out of my normal social circle, I felt a lot more comfortable in taking a risk with him. Fortunately I did one afternoon, and after we had been hanging out for a bit, I went in for the kiss. That was 5 months ago, and we have been dating every since. It has been magical, I am finally starting to believe that not only can I find happiness in this life, but that there really is someone out there for me! I had given up believing this for a long. However, the rate of change in my life has been extremely rapid, and I still have a lot of questions. I'm in my mid 30's, recently accepted that I'm gay, recently started my first gay relationship and have recently come out to my immediate family and close friends. What I struggle with the most is the relationship aspect. I've never dated anyone (man or woman) for more than 3 months, and here I am in my first gay relationship going on 6 months. I have so many questions and don't really have anyone to ask. Please help!
Well, I think it would be a good idea if you state what those questions are, so that people can answer them.
Hey and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place for answers to your questions Make threads regarding your questions in the appropriate subforums and you'll get all the help you need! Hope to see you around!
Hi, and welcome! Your situation isn't uncommon, actually. The trick is, you'll have some things to make up for in terms of learning to communicate effectively in a relationship, and that's probably a bigger challenge than dealing with the aspects of a gay relationship, because, really, there isn't much difference between a healthy gay relationship and a healthy straight one in terms of the way they look and work. I would strongly recommend you get a copy of "Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love" by Joe Kort. The book has almost nothing to do with finding real love, but everything to do with better understanding yourself and learning how to communicate well with your partner... and how to navigate the tricky aspects of relationships. One thing to be aware of: The first 3 to 6 months of any relationship are influenced by your body's release of oxytocin, a hormone that is released early in a relationship that creates that "deeply in love" feeling. The catch is... the hormone diminishes over time and wears off mostly completely somewhere between the 3rd and 6th months... and if you don't know that, it seems like suddenly the relationship isn't as magical, or isn't working. But the truth is, that's when you really get to understand and connect with each other on a deeper, more authentic level. As long as you both realize that this is just a shift to a deeper level of emotional intimacy, you should be able to navigate that change well. Feel free to ask any other questions that come to mind, and I hope you'll stick around!
Welcome to EC! If you need help to those questions, you're in the right place. Hope you'll stick around
