Hello! I Am 25 Year Old Female And Married To A Man But Bisexual.

Hello,

I am unsure where to start. I first searched the Web to try to find some sort of real-life support group in my area. There wasn't any. I wasn't really expecting to find something but was still very sad to find absolutely nothing, no support, no anything like we don't exist. So I am here hoping to find some support here.

One of the first people I was ever attracted too was a woman. I was only about 8 years old at the time and didn't realize what I was feeling but looking back I know now. I didn't really think about it for years. I was depressed a lot as a child and then when I was a young teenager I was used in a sort of child pornography thing and then later sexually abused so I guess I didn't have much time to think about it. I do get help for all this.

I am now happily married to a man but I am still a bit confused. I would never cheat on him but I find myself still thinking of women. I don't usually 'check-out' people but when I do it's always a woman. I feel ashamed and I feel worried that some day I will go too far and act on these feelings. I will be honest...I am curious. So I am confused right now and I feel awful about myself.

Since I was sexually abused, I had to re-learn my sexuality beyond my abuse experiences and that's when I started realizing how I really felt. I realized past all the hurt, pain and sometimes fear of men that I was bisexual, though I was never ever afraid of my husband. My husband knows but doesn't want to talk about it. I think it worries him.

Since I feel like I would never cheat and hope that never happens I am confused where to go from here. I guess, technically, this is the end of my journey of exploring my sexuality but it doesn't feel like it. Something is missing. I hope there is someone out there was understands what I am talking about because I can't explain it. I don't seek out woman but I can't be in denial over my worries or my feelings (not referring to my fear of cheating but rather the feelings of my sexuality). That would be stupid and looking for trouble in my opinion. I can't ignore who I am.

Thank you so much for reading this and wishing you all a good day.

PurpleRose

 

I probably did it badly, knowing me. I started by saying a few things in passing. And after awhile starting trying to talk to him about it. I asked if we can buy some books about it, to help me understand. I wish I could remember details. But it always made him uncomfortable and I think it makes him feel threatened. Now I feel guilty and ashamed.

I did end up buying the books. He told he will not buy them, he refuses too but that I can with my own money. So I did and they do sort of help. At least I didn't feel as alone.

But in the last few days I have realized how nice it would be to have some local people to talk too. Maybe some other women that are in the same place as me. So my worries seem less 'big' in my mind. If that makes sense.