Call me Fishy, or Mango. Or FishyMango. I'm new here. Been lurking around the site for a while, reading and just finding myself smiling. I decided to join today (technically yesterday, but I had to go to work and didn't get online till now, so... It's now tomorrow!) because I felt... rather lonely. I think EC would be something good for me, because there aren't that many LGBTQ people around where I live, and it's hard to be able to talk to someone about what I'm going through and how I feel, if they can't always relate to it. But I'm thankful that I do have friends who sure try to understand me and give me advice. I've never really been good at putting myself out there, but here goes. I'm currently 19. I'll be turning 20 in just about a month and a few days. I'm a bit afraid, as I hardly feel like much of an adult right now. I'm trying to move out of my mom's house, because the couch isn't the best place to bring your girlfriend home to, lol. I have a job, and it looks like I'll be with that job for a while. It pays decently for what it is, and I've got money saved up for an apartment. The only problem is finding an apartment and hoping that things stick. My girlfriend, she lives in California, and I live in Indiana. We've been together for three years now, and it hasn't been easy. I'm glad I met her though, because she has given me the courage to come out to those around me. It was gradual though. It began with my brother, and then my other brother. Next came my mother, and then my friends. Recently, it's been my aunt, who I thought would be less supportive, but it turns out that she isn't bothered at all. I have been luckier than most, I know. My friends and family have smiled at me and given me their support, and with that, I've had the courage to begin to come out to acquaintances and even strangers. I'm still not all the way there yet. I dream of having that kind of courage and the breath of freedom that comes with not having to hold back a part of yourself. I guess that's why I joined EC. Support from my friends and family has done me wonders, but I still find myself wanting to hide and deny that I am anything other than straight. I fear that I'll lose my job, or that I'll be denied housing. Those kinds of things are legal here in the state of Indiana. It's rather depressing to know that I could get kicked out of an apartment because I happen to love my girlfriend, instead of a man. I tell myself that I'm not ashamed, but sometimes I feel like the way I try to hide my girlfriend makes me guilty of being ashamed of her, or me... or us. I want to think that I am simply afraid, and that all I need is courage to propel me forwards. I live for the day when I can hold her hand in public and not feel tense or constantly be ready for a rude remark. Here where I live, people do that kind of stuff. I've seen it myself, directed at others who had the courage to do what I only dream about. I've begun to ramble. Sorry. xD But yeah, I'm just here to read and talk. To share my story and to hear yours.
Hello FishyMango ...that is quite an interesting username. :lol: Welcome to EC! Hope you like it here.
Hello Fishy-- Welcome to EC. I'm glad you're here. I totally know what you mean about being hesitant to come out fully. I'm much older than you are--42--and I'm just now coming out. Like you, I'm in a pretty good position with my friends and family. I know most of them will support me. But I worry about coming out publicly sometimes. I live in a very conservative part of the country, and I'm a high school teacher. I often wonder how the students, administration, and parent would treat me if they knew. I think my reluctance to tell them is part cowardice and part survival. Anyway--welcome! I hope you'll post in the forums so we can hear your story as it unfolds and offer help and support. --Zoe
Thanks Guys. @Zoe Part survival... I can understand that. It seems to me like you are in a trickier situation than I am when it comes to being public. You have a career to worry about. I work in a factory and could easily find another job. Kudos for being a high school teacher though! I think it's a job to be proud of.