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Insert creative introduction title here!

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Milhouse, Jun 12, 2013.

  1. Milhouse

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    Hello guys,

    I've been browsing this site every now and then for several months now. I decided I might as well take a plunge and set up an account and what not. It seems like a decent community to be a part of.

    As for me, I'm a 25 year old who has been slowly and painfully coming to the realization that he is nowhere near as straight as he grew up thinking he was. I come from a relatively conservative Christian family where my parents bought into a lot of the nonsense going on out there about homosexuality in the world. They spread that to us kids, so I grew up not really thinking it was even an option or a possibility and that homosexuality was a choice some people made that was "unnatural" and "dirty."

    I recall being attracted to other boys as a child and having a very close friendship to a kid who was considerably more popular than me. I was incredibly close to him and figured we'd be great friends for the rest of our lives until he started running away from me. I never really understood it, to be honest.

    I had some very lonely and depressing teenage and early adult years. I went through a bit of a psychological breakdown after my friend left that I never really recovered from. I basically disconnected from reality a bit, like I was no longer in touch with my own feelings or body, and everything and everyone has looked different and seemed unreal ever since then. I later learned that it is a condition known as Depersonalization Disorder.

    My sex life throughout high school and college was essentially non-existent. I never even dated or sought to date anyone. I was content, or so I thought, to be alone. I didn't find many girls even remotely interesting or attractive, and many of the guys simply scared me with how they behaved. Later on, while I was in college and still a 'dateless wonder,' I discovered asexuality, and it seemed a pretty comfortable label to associate myself with.

    From that point, I started wondering if I would some day start having sexual fantasies that would actually involve other people. Up to this point, the only ones I had involved diapers and me wearing them, which scared me for a good while before I found the ABDL scene, in which I am pretty actively involved. It's something I accepted myself for a few years ago and have gone as far as to come out to a few close friends and family members about.

    Well, over the past couple years, I finally started having fantasies about other people, and yep, it's mostly homosexual. I was still pretty conflicted by it and chose to only associate privately as someone who might be 'a tiny bit gay.' Well, my desires didn't go away, and they only seemed to ramp up and become more intense.

    I have a number of disorders, some diagnosed and some not, including high functioning autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, OCD, Agoraphobia, Separation Anxiety and the aforementioned Depersonalization Disorder. When my sexual conflicts really started to surface a few weeks ago, I really started pursuing further psychological help and am now in the process of being evaluated for stuff.

    Recently, though, I came to the decision that there is a very good chance that I am gay or at least bisexual. I don't care to label myself too much at this point, but I don't want to keep thinking that being gay wouldn't be acceptable for me. I eventually decided to share with some close friends what I was feeling, and some of them (most of them online) provided a helpful form of support while I worked through a lot of it.

    I then decided to take the biggest plunge yet and out the fact that I'm probably not straight to my mother and my younger brother. It was scary, especially since I still live at home, but both of them were accepting of it, thankfully. Neither of them had a really major reaction to me saying it, and both had been suspecting stuff for a while by this point. I had been suspecting it too, but I didn't want to believe any of it.

    Since coming out, it's really helped me feel a heck of a lot more comfortable in my daily life. I feel like this huge weight has been lifted, this hazy aura I was living under for years has seemed to start to drift away. I caught myself checking out a couple guys today, and for the first time in my life, felt alright with the fact that I was doing it and didn't feel like I shouldn't be doing it. In fact, I had to force myself to follow my feelings and do it anyways, lol.


    Anyhow, I tried to shorten up my story, but it still ended up being on the long side, lol. Well, I am a writer, after all. I am also a web developer, a moderator for a few online support sites, an advocate for people with neurological differences, a retro video game fan and a music lover.

    Oh, and yes, I do love "The Simpsons!" I chose to identify as Milhouse here because I have often associated with him as a character, lol. Anyhow, thanks for reading guys. I look forward to being involved. :slight_smile:
     
  2. Em1234

    Em1234 Guest

    Hey, welcome to EC! :welcome: I'm happy that things are looking up for you! I hope you like it here :icon_bigg
     
  3. Zoe

    Zoe
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    Hi Milhouse--

    I love the Simpsons, although I'm Lisa, not Milhouse. :slight_smile:

    Welcome to EC.

    --Zoe
     
  4. Garciano

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    Hey milhouse! How's springfield? Hha kidding aside, Welcome!!
     
  5. Epiphany101

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    It seems like you still have things to work through, but I hope you're able to find the door leading to the light as soon as possible. =)
    Good lucky with your soul searching, I wish you all the best.
    Drop me a wall post, if you would like. =)
     
  6. Milhouse

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    *Gasp* Lisa? *Heart skips beat and starts pounding*
    Look, I'm plenty masculine. I don't know how that scrunchy got in my hair! Just don't have me deliver anymore love notes to Nelson for you. It didn't work out well last time!

    Seriously though, thanks for the welcome. :slight_smile:
    I associate well with Milhouse on several levels, including how he is around Bart. I was very similar around my old childhood friend; I was the submissive, creepily close, weaker, and nerdy friend who would generally take the abuse of his more popular and outgoing friend in stride. Yeah, those friendships aren't the best, lol.

    I also can associate fairly well with Lisa and Martin Prince. I would say I'm also kind of like a mix between Martin Prince (in terms of intelligence and sexual orientation) and Ralph Wiggum (in that I have disabilities that sometimes make me look pretty stupid, hah!). Anyhow, I just find it fun to associate myself with Simpson's characters, since I grew up watching them so much. In what ways do you feel like a Lisa?

    It's quite nice, actually, if only the bullies would let me be!

    Thanks for the welcome. :slight_smile:

    Thanks a lot Epiphany101. I'm going to keep working on things in my own life, and I'm sure I will arrive to an even better understanding of who I am soon. You are right though, there is much work ahead of me.

    Also, sure, I can drop you a line, assuming I get to that dastardly 10 post mark soon. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #6 Milhouse, Jun 13, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2013
  7. Zoe

    Zoe
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    Hey Milhouse,

    I associate with Lisa because she's smart, but it's more than that. She feels so much internal pressure to be the best at everything. I did that to myself for a long time. She's a musician, which I am, although not sax.

    I remember one episode when the teachers went on strike and Lisa and Bart were home all day. She wrote something down on a paper and handed it to her mom, moaning, "Grade me! Assess me! Tell me I'm good and oh so smart!" I can relate to that. I relied on others for validation.

    Lisa is also a chronic rule follower. Me, too. Even when the rules don't make sense.

    She also has a much cooler, more popular younger brother, which I have, too. While I was the one studying and getting good grades, he was out partying. He was much more hip and I was the geek. Not that blowing off your work in school is good--it's just that he has much the same attitude toward school as Bart does. And he rode a skateboard, back when Bart did a lot more of that.

    She's a reader and takes life seriously (perhaps too seriously).

    She's basically me in cartoon form.

    --Zoe
     
  8. Milhouse

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    Zoe, yeah, I can certainly relate to you on that one. I have many personality traits that are very similar to Lisa, many of which are the ones you just mentioned.

    I'm smart, feel as though I am a major failure if I am not towards the very top of the list at whatever I'm trying to do, am in constant search of validation, and have always been one to follow the rules as strictly as possible. I don't smoke, drink, use drugs, etc. for that very reason. I don't have a problem with other people doing it, but I don't tolerate that behavior in myself. (Funny, I felt the same way with homosexuality most of my life.)

    As for my musicianship, I played trombone for many years and tried hard but was never really an amazing natural. I was very inconsistent in my ability to sound good.

    I also had siblings that were much rowdier and had a lot more friends than I did. In fact, when I did make friends, it tended to end up with me having them come over and watching as they became closer to my brothers instead of me. Oh, and yes, I was often reading while they were out skateboarding, too, lol.

    So yeah, I can relate very well to a lot of people on the show, and that's a big part of why I love it so much.


    Also, I list myself as genderqueer on here because it's about the best I can use to describe myself in such a small space at this point. I'm a born male, but my personality has always been much more feminine than masculine in nature. I have a few feminine physical features as well, but I'm definitely still a dude, lol.
     
  9. BradThePug

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    Hello and Welcome to EC!!
     
  10. Milhouse

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    Thanks there, thecat06! Or should I say, Mr. Grumpy Cat? Oh grumpy cat, what will the world turn to when you're gone, lol? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  11. Candace

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    I'm a HUGE SIMPSONS FAN!! Milhouse ROCKS! Welcome to EC! Pleasure to meet you Milhouse...I'm Nelson hahaha, jk
     
  12. Milhouse

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    Nelson??? Noooooo! Hehe. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Thanks for the welcome. Yeah, the Simpsons have always held a special place in my heart. They helped me through some very rough times!