Hello, EC members! This is my first post here. Sorry if this is going to be a bit long. Thank you so much if you read it all. Thoughts would be very appreciated! I've been dating my boyfriend for soon to be 11 months now and he has made me realize I am a lesbian. He was literally the person to tell me, "You're a lesbian." All of the signs were there, but I'd always have an excuse for it and tried to suppress how I feel. I would get urges and thoughts like, "I need to be with a girl. I would be so much happier." He is all that I have. I don't have any friends and I don't talk to anyone but my family and him. I had attached myself to him and, in my mind, made him seem better than he really was. As of right now, I am accepting the fact that I'm a lesbian. He has actually known for a long time that I was and thought that me being lesbian would be the end for us. He seems to not have a problem with it, as long as I find him attractive and love him. The problem is, I am nowhere near as attracted to him as he is to me. I don't like sex at all or any sexual things... only kissing. I think he's adorable and I love him as a person. Recently I have been feeling like I don't love him because of my urges to be with a girl. If I loved him, why would I want so badly to be with a girl? I think about it so much and I have cried a lot because I realize that our relationship is just going to deteriorate and there is so real future for us. With that, I think we should break up. It is obvious that we should break up, but I love him. Slowly now that I am accepting being a lesbian, I am feeling more detached from him. We both realize we will break up eventually, but he thinks there's no point in breaking up if I still love him. I don't have any friends to talk to about this, so I came to the forum to get some thoughts on what I should do in this situation.
Hello, and welcome. I suggest that you repost this elsewhere on the site, under a different section. You'd get more feedback that way. I suggest that you broaden your social circle... It's not healthy to just hang out with either your boyfriend or your family, without any other friends. As I'm sure you know, if things don't work out between you both, you'd not have much support, barring your family. Also, by having other friends, you keep yourself and your relationships 'fresh', in a way, and are less likely to get worn out. Besides that... It's possible to love someone without being in love with them. I love my brothers and parents and friends and family. I'd never want to be in a romantic relationship with them, though, you know? Perhaps your love for your boyfriend is a similar type.
Try having a couple friends. Whether straight or gay, they will help you thinking through things. And he could still be your best friend, and you can still love each other, just not in that sexual way. If he accpets this, and if you do, try just talking to other lesbians. Maybe it will help you decide. If it doesn't work out, he'll probably always be there for you
Hey. Welcome to EC and we're all here whenever you need to talk. He'll understand if you leave him and you can always be best friends. It can work out.
