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Want The World To Know
By Ryan (Pepsi)


Aloha! I guess before getting into this whole thing I really should give a slight background.

When I was four years old we my mom, my dad, my sister, and my two older brothers went on a trip to disney world or land whichever one is in Florida. It was an amazing week, fun, we didn't fight, and everyone seemed happy, everyone except my mom, something was crushing her I didn't realizes this at the time but now, looking back I can see it, in my memories. When we got back my mom and dad sat us all down in the kitchen, they were on one side the four of us were on the other. That's when they told us, that's when my dad said "I'm Gay". Both my older brothers were crushed like they had lost their dad, my sister didn't see why it was a big deal and my response was " What's Gay!?" That's when my mom said "Gay, is.... It's when a boy likes other boys." Not realizing what she meant by "Like" I said " O Then I'm Gay too" Yup so I kinda came out when I was four.

So then my whole life everyone called me gay constantly, I used to scream in anger saying "I'M NOT GAY", I just didn't wanna be called something I wasn't although I guess really I was just denying it to myself, honestly I had never liked a girl ever I would just say I liked girls that people thought I did.

Then when I was twelve in the summer before seventh grade I was looking at porn trying to see what the hype was all about, however I couldn't tell what the hype was all about if you know what I mean, then I thought of how everyone would call me gay all the time, I wondered "Could it be true, Could I be" and I realized "o I am gay, whatever"

I made a plan in which I would tell my dad first thinking that he would understand being that hes gay himself.

Two years later I was on aim with one of my best friends, one of my only friends, I was just writing and then I decided to do a little preparation, I had no intention of actually telling her but I still wrote it, I still wrote "I'm gay super cereal" and sent it, then I flipped out, like I said I didn't mean to send it. So I grabbed the power strip of my computer and pulled it out. About an hour later I plugged it back in and low and behold she was still on, she instantly sent me a message asking me if I was serious, I told her I was and she said that she would always love me and that she would always support me, her sister had been looking on the computer when I told her, but that was okay her sister was one of my best friends too they were twins. Her sister said the same thing as she had and they still support me today and they're still my best friends today (This having been a year ago.) Anyway like two weeks later I told my other best friend over aim she said whatever and that she still loved me and all that, in those words actually.

So about two months later, my sister kept nagging me, she knew but I just wouldn't admit it. She kept saying "Ryan, come on, are you?" I knew there was no way of getting out of it but something held me back, something wouldn't let me say it. Then when we were riding bikes she stopped and said Ryan with the most serious facial expression I've ever seen, "Are you?", I sighed all I said was "Yea I am" then I turned around and kept riding my bike she followed and we talked about guys and why I had never told her for hours. She took it so well and has been great about it ever since.

One day, a month and a half after that, when driving home from a baseball game with my sister and two friends who knew I took out my phone in silence and text my mom saying "I'm Gay" we had a big long conversation all over text messages me telling her stupid things her asking stupid things, but in the end she was completely fine with it. Well not completely fine with it she acts as though she is but in reality she is convinced I'm bi and not gay, I've tried many times to tell her otherwise and she says she believes me but I know she doesn't. I asked my mom not to tell my older brothers, I wanted to when I was ready, she agreed that I should be the one to tell them. The next day while playing Fire Emblem in my room one of my brothers stuck his head in and said "Ryan, are you gay?" In a very curious voice. Well I was completely taken off guard and all I could say was "yea, yea I am", his response was "O really okay, Casey said you were but I didn't believe him". This made me angry, I went right to my mom and asked if she had told them, she said she had because she didn't want them to make fun of me when I told them. I never really got mad at her, she saved me the trouble of having to tell them myself.

So everyone was done well except my dad that is. I still haven't told him, I used to tell myself that I wasn't telling him because I didn't want him to think we were alike because we aren't we're nothing alike, he likes going to bars and clubs, and I hate dancing, His partner is a cross dresser and I don't think I would ever date a guy who's even kinda stereotypical but that wasn't and isn't the reason I won't tell him. In reality the reason I won't tell him is because I'm not ready to be completely out.

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