Let's hear it, the story of your sexuality.

I was born as the last baby of my family in 1994, with two older brothers and an older sister, each of us about a year-and-a-half to two years apart. I grew up playing Barbies with my sister (since she is the closest in age to me) and playing things like House because I liked to pretend I could control something of my own (a fictional family! Huh.)

I met a girl in elementary school who became my super best friend from kindergarten to grade 8, and who I felt extremely emotionally dependant on. The friendship didn't last into high school but we both made new friends and it was a swift change. My friends have always been girls, as I identify with (and quite honestly sometimes prefer) them over boys (although not usually, since girls are crazy.)

I've always been sexually attracted to boys, there was never a doubt... But I still had girlfriends, the last one being a girl I broke up with when I was 14. Then less then a month later (April 2009), I came out as gay to my mom! She took it well and that was that...

Fast forward to February 2012 and I came out to my dad, who probably doesn't like me much because of it but oh well. I have yet to have a boyfriend but I'm getting lonely so I'm kind of looking. I'm at a weird stage where I'm not out of the closet, but I'm not in it either... So it can get confusing for me.

Thus, my story. NEXT!

 

In the year of 1999, a person was born. I'll call that person... hm... what's a good name? How about "Me?" Hmm... Me jumped over the lazy dog, nah that doesn't sound like a good name... okay... how about "I?" I jumped over the lazy dog. Yeah that sounds good. But wait... how about in the sentence years older than I...? that doesn't sound good... Okay, fine. That person was both named Me and I.

So that person's name was I and Me. She had two names for no apparent reason.

I had an older brother, a good 9 years older than Me. Growing up, I always had a bit of a tomboyish personality. I liked the stereotypical guy stuff, etc. etc. etc.

In kindergarten, I was quite fond of this girl named Elizabeth. Elizabeth had dark hair, brown eyes, and she was really sweet. She was just a few months older than Me. I noticed her a lot, but I figured that I just liked her as a friend. After all, nobody knows true love when they're 5, right?

Over the years, I did develop crushes for guys, especially a boy named Thomas in third grade. But it was more of a "everybody else had crushes so why not?" sort of thing. It wasn't a real crush. And guess what? He got a haircut and I didn't really "like" him anymore. :icon_redf

Fast-forward to November 2011. I began to crush on this girl. I litteraly said to myself- er, herself, "I do believe that I'm crushing on a member of the female species." And it wasn't a crush like I had on Thomas. It reminded Me of the Elizabeth crush, even though I was only 5 then.

It freaked Me out a little, so I decided to talk to some friends about it. Two of them, Erika and Jessica, the first people I came out to ever. Afterwards, Erika said, "So does this mean you're bi? :O"

I never really thought about the possibility before. And to my own shock, I said, "I guess so."

So what happened to the crush? Well, she's straight, so I had to get over her. But it's okay, we're- I mean, they're still friends today.

Over the months, I started thinking about myse- herself. After a while, I realized I was gay. Gayer than gay, as I liked to call it. That's when I said, "I do believe that I'm gay."

In January, I came out to my whole circle of friends, all accepting. In March, I came out to my entire school! Yay!

I also got a girlfriend, and she's the best girlfriend in the world. She's caring, sweet, loving, her birthday is a day after Me, I could litteraly go on and on and on.

In March 2012, I started to plan a Coming Out Trio between Me and some friends who were also LGBT. Planning to come out to their parents on the same day. Unfortunately -- it failed, but for the good. I was half-outed, half-came out early, one of them decided they were still a bit too confused about their sexuality to start coming out yet, and the other came out early also.

How did I come out early? Well, my- er... her mom sort of got it out of Me. (refer to my thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-stories/60874-omg-my-mom-knows.html) She also told my extended family for Me and now the coming out process was done! Everybody's accepting!

And nothing happened in May so far. My girlfriend and I are still happily together. It's a happy ending for everyone!

The End.

Edit: wow that was long xD

 

I was born in 1994. Um... not a lot happened then really. I was really sensitive when I was younger (let's call it "sensitive" and not "crybaby"). I had a friend in preschool whom I was close to. We would sneak into the same bathroom stall to pee together. I don't know if you can really call that a young gay experience but its all I've got from that point in my life. When I got to lower school (grades 1-4) I got a HUGE crush on this one girl. She was amazing and I got all flushed and embarrassed just being around her. That crush continued into middle school, through 6th grade I think. Interestingly enough while that was going on (between grades 2 and 6) I was "playing around" with a couple of my guy friends. I was always trying to get them to "play" and they would for a little while but none of them seemed as interested as me. The girl I was crazy over then told me she wasn't into me and thus ended the only crush I've had on a girl. In later middle school I started noticing guys in the locker room and having occasional fantasies about them. I don't know when exactly but I started a back and forth for a couple of years between straight fantasies and gay fantasies. I told myself that I wasn't actually gay because I wasn't emotionally attracted to guys. After a while the gay fantasies started winning out over the straight ones. Well the bubble of not being gay burst last summer when I realized I had been in love with my best friend for a couple of years now. I got over him just in time to have another huge crush on a guy, whom I'm still getting over. I still haven't figured out exactly what I am but I'm getting there, slowly but surely.

I came out to my parents as unsure, but probably gay. They don't really believe it but they also haven't tried to convince me much or anything. They're just really awkward and don't know what to say about it but from reactions I've read on here that's not too bad. I can live with awkwardness.

Not the most interesting story in the world but meh, they can't all be emotionally charged and empowering tales of personal acceptance and all that jazz.

p.s. When I was little I used to paint my toenails pink with my mom. Not really important but I think its funny.

 

Everyone else's story started when they were so young...oh well, each of us has our own pace for these things.

Until I was about 14 or 15 the only remarkable thing about my sexuality was its almost complete absence. I hadn't ever had a crush, and the most I could ever say about someone in regards to how attractive they were was "cute." I then had the first of three sort-of crushes on a guy. It was probably the most serious of my male crushes, but that really isn't saying much, considering the fact that the others didn't go much beyond thinking of them as cute and being mildly jealous of their girlfriends. Never was I actually interested in a relationship with them, even if they had not already had relationships.

It was around the same time that I noticed that I felt something for women, too. I wasn't sure what it was. At the time I attributed it to the patriarchy finally getting to me and making me judge women based on their sexual attractiveness (yes, that is really what I thought was going on). It didn't even occur to me at first that maybe I was legitimately attracted to them.

I think my first female sort-of crush started my junior year of high school. Again, it was mild, so I didn't recognize it as such at the time, especially with my own strange brand of denial going on in my head. Then last year I had my first full-blown crush on my closest friend, who was female. It took me a couple months to figure out what was going on, but I finally realized that I was attracted to her in January. I've complained enough about what happened next on this site already, so I won't say more about her here.

I'm still sorting out the details of my sexuality, but so far I've come to the conclusion that while I can find men physically attractive, I am neither sexually nor romantically interested in them, hence why I identify as lesbian rather than bi. Until I recognized that I was attracted to women, I had no desire whatsoever to be in a relationship. My ideal life was that of a hermit. It was only when I let myself seriously fantasize about living my life with a woman that I realized I would love to try a relationship.

 

Wow, my story seems pretty dull... basically I started to accept that I like guys about a year ago, and upon further reflections I realized I'd had romantic feelings for guys for a while now. I'm still really confused and think I might be bi, not really sure

 

okay, was born 26 years old, i pretty much was an innocent kid that just came up in a world that i had no idea about. don't know about you guys but i never really was aware of anything different about myself except that i may have not gotten along with other peers my age for whatever reason. all the times where i was acting very effeminate, girly, acting really happy go lucky, having my hand down while i kept my wrist limp or etc. it never really stuck me out as odd. i was just being me. even when i started having thoughts about guys which were i think sexually suggestive in a sense as a kid, started developing guy crushes or masturbated to guys, i never thought there was anything different about me apart from eveyone else. i guess that's because i was sheltered or simply didn't care. i remember one of my friends in the 4th grade asking me if i was gay and told him that i wasn't. i think i knew what gay was but i didn't put two and two together when it pertain to me because by definition, i was gay i just didn't know it yet. i did know at the time that being gay wasn't cool or something that you would want to be.

however, i guess my coming of age made everything really drawn onto me. it took one moment for it to really hit me where i realized that "yes, i probably am gay" and i thought that i could do something about it where i thought that could be changed. that was when i was 12 and either in the 6th or 7th grade. i spent a great deal of time and energy on this matter and i remember in those first years as a teenager how hard i was trying to make myself straight. i completely made a 180 for a effeminate guy complete with all the mannerisms easily developing crushes on guys to this overmasculine guy that was trying way too hard to be a heterosexual and went to great lengths to be it. at one point, i thought that if i didn't masturbate that i would suddenly work up the courage to talk to a girl because my hormones would be raging to the point where i would innately develop the social skills and desires for a women. well, those great lengths fell short because i didn't have any interest in hooking up with girls period especially in high school. well, i struggled for some years until i reached comfort zone where i made excuses to why i couldn't get women and felt that was "straight" and had "defeated my homosexuality". i remember just thinking to myself that "yes, i really am straight" back in high school although i also remember trying to block out the fact that some years back, i was masturbating to guys and at the moment i had crushes on some of my classmates. i was basically a guy in denial that didn't want to be gay. i graduated high school, moved on to college where i dealt with the same issue except i was getting better at hiding it even though i knew that the issue about my sexuality was going to become an even bigger problem the more i let it drag on. i was worried but i kept on going on with my life in denial. i did four years in community college, three years in a four year school. within those 7 years, i pretty much felt a big weight on my shoulders where i knew that this matter wasn't going to go away and that eventually, i had to just face it for what it was. well... it was building up and up and up until one day, my feelings were overwhelming to the point where it was time to face the music and i did. it wasn't what i wanted to hear though. being gay was one of the most hurtful things that i had to deal with. i guess because after all these years of telling myself that i was straight and being it when you find out that you aren't that, it's like experiencing a death of a loved one. at first, i just couldn't believe it. i was excited and a bit happy because i finally acknowledge the man i was BUT i was scared because i knew that i had my problems on my plate.

i went to here for help, went to talk to counselors, support groups, lgbt centers hoping to feel comfort in except the aspect of me that i've long denied and loathed. i'm making progress even though it's slow progress. i would actually say that acknowledging that i'm gay is actually helping me improve myself because i'm trying to basically move forward instead of stay in a position where i'm stuck. now i'm trying to get that career job where i can provide and live on my own. with my independence, i feel that i would be able to come out the closet a bit more easily than if i were still living with my parents. i'm currently in that process right now. i feel that i'm not in the position to come out but things will work out because i'm making an effort to change it.

 

Mine's rather boring.

I was born in China in 1985, and moved to the U.S. in 1990. Until the age of 25, I didn't think about my sexual orientation at all, until it almost literally dawned on me one day that it wasn't just admiration that I had felt for those classmates and instructors, that resident assistant, and all those anime/game characters.

From this new perspective, I realized that the first incident of same-sex attraction occurred when I was only 8 or 9. It was a classmate in elementary school, and I almost keenly remember riding in the car with my dad one night, crying about this one female classmate. I was an extremely shy kid, so I barely even talked to her.

I liked my middle school assistant band instructor, a girl two years ahead of me in high school, an RA at Governor's School, and a classmate in college (who just happened to be in my group in the course). I remember being incredibly timid about asking the high school valedictorian to sign my yearbook, and then exchanging some emails with her in which I probably asked too many personal questions. As for the RA, I remembered looking forward each time to her check-ins, and telling her "it was nice knowing you" after the ending ceremony of Governor's School. Beyond all that, nothing happened between me and any of them.

Either in late 2010 or early 2011, I began questioning, and sought counseling and therapy for this issue as well as academic troubles I was having at the time. I met a wonderful social worker who happens to be lesbian, and she made me feel so much at ease because we had many similar experiences. Unfortunately, once my parents found out that I was seeking therapy, they told me to end my sessions. If I get a decent FT job in or around this city, I will resume those therapy sessions.

I came out to my two childhood friends late last year, and their responses, unsurprisingly, were overwhelmingly positive (though I wish one of them would understand that I'm not going to watch Glee just because "people like me" are in it). Both are already married, and their parents told me the last time we met (during one of their weddings, for which I was a bridesmaid) that they were looking forward to my wedding. Ugh...

My parents...well, despite being fairly open-minded and liberal, they still adhere to the traditional Chinese mindset of expecting everyone to get married to members of the opposite sex. My dad, last I knew, held the same position on gay marriage as Sen. Harry Reid does now (i.e. not personally in favor of SSM, but in favor of "live and let live"). My mom thinks it's a choice, and was somewhat upset upon discovering an LGBT-oriented magazine on my desk one day. Lately, she's been feeling afraid that my current group of friends (that I described to her as consisting of many LGBT people) are negatively influencing my attitude toward marriage (though I've been expressing a desire to avoid marriage for a long, long time before then).

My grad school friend met up with me very recently and gave me a pep talk. She essentially told me that I should just come out to my parents ASAP, since hiding the truth wasn't doing me any favors. I still haven't, by the way...the mere thought scares me still.

 

I was born on 23 January 1980 in Pretoria, South Africa. When I was 2 years old, we moved to South West Africa, which is now called Namibia, through South Africa Police Service transfer. (both my folks worked for the police, my dad was a aircraft mechanic, who became a general mechanic working on large trucks, aircraft and so forth. My mom, well she was first in the Women and Child abuse section, then she was moved to the diamond squad, then to the morgue before she retired when my youngest sister was born. oh I forgot, i have an older sister by 2 years, and now my youngest sister by 6 years.

The town where we lived, is a small little fishing town, called Walvis Bay, build in a river delta in the 1800's. It was a whaling station at first but then became a fishing port. the likes of the QE2 ported here regularly. I when to a small primary school. since I could remember i wasn't like the rest of the boys in school. I wasn't attracted to girls, and I really didn't connect with them. At first this weren't a problem for me as most of the boys back then weren't really interested in them either. But later when they started dating the girls, well i felt awkward as i don't even speak to them.

there was this one friend on mine. we were like really close friends. We slept over at one another's houses. Here is what started wondering. His mother always sent us bathing together, so we shared a bath. for me, that was strange behavior, Since I was the only boy at hime, i didn't share baths, not even with my sisters. getting naked in front of hims was kind of weird and seeing him getting naked in front of me was equally weird, but i kinda liked it. nothing happened at all w just bathed together. well a few year later his grand parents invited us both to come to stay on the farm over the holidays, two whole months of farm living, Yeah!!!!!!

you see Walvis Bay is in the desert, the only green things that grows there is in the town itself, the rest is just desert sand where ever you go. the only bit of bush there is, is a small narrow band of about 1 kilometer in width following the dry river Kuiseb. On the right there are huge dunes threating to engulf the entire river bed, on the right side, just rocks and dead trees and sand. the closet you can get to bush besides that is almost 200km from the town.

anyway, back to the farm. here it was just after the rainy seasons, and indeed some days it did rain so every whole was full of water. we went swimming in the water in the nude, we didn't want our clothes getting wet and dirty. but one night at the farm, his sisters came up for the weekend. the youngest of the two sisters wanted us three to play strip poker. but a fight broke out while we were down to our underwear. the following afternoon how ever, we were sleeping, as it was hot, i spread a blanket on the cold cement floor between our beds and slept there. we were exhausted as we went hunting early in the morning. well somewhere he woke up, don't know why, but he started pulling down my pants.

It kind woke me up but I also liked it. I was afraid that if I let him know i was awake he'd stopped, so pretending to sleep I turned around every often untill he got my pants off. I suddenly had a boner, and he played with me, when I opened my eyes, he pulled away quickly and called his mom loudly. i rolled around, struggled to get my pants on and wondered what was going on. that was my first experience with a boy.

any way a few year later, the same friend and I played at the back of his house one day. since that thing on the farm, neither of us talked about it or anything, it was as if it never happened. anyway there were two other friends of ours there. we were seeing who could get each other down to the ground in any way possible. since all of us went to the karate classes together, it was about karate.

Then one of them got a bright idea (i thought it was kinda dumb anyway) that if the one beat the other he has to ejaculate in front of the others. this was like really weird for me, and i even wanted to go home. but they told me i was a sisy if I walk away. suddenly i don't know what happened, by they all attacked me at once. at the time i could handle myself against two people, but three was just a little too much for me and very soon i was on the ground. so I lost and I had to do it in front of the others. It was kinda hard at first getting it up, but having them all staring at me kinda felt nice. by the time it was the next friend's turn, his folks showed up and we just resumed to normal play fighting.\

since then my friendshio with him only got weirder. we sometimes spend times touching and feeling and playing with one another in the very back yard. we never kissed or anything like that and we never took it further than that.

suddenly his folks moved, our school closed down and we were forced to go to another school. two years went by without anything happening.

then I went to this one church camp. a rather large group of kids from the one church all over the country went to this camp. it was on a farm, near a little dam build of sink and a windpump. we camped all the stretch down the river. the group was slip up according to the town and then boys and girls. since the dam was the only source of water, we bathed in it, swam in it and everything. so at night all the boys went together, well I saw a few getting it on in the darkness with only one flash light in the group. Even I had one lol the one guy from another town, was standing next to me, we got along from the first time we met. well that night he took his sleeping bag and dragged ti next to me, we moved to a little bit of a secluded spot, one side covered by a massive rock. it was warm underneath it. it had a kind of a roof. he was blond with blue eyes, short like me. I thought he was quite sexy. Well each night we didn't sleep we felt each other up under cover, and played with one another. somehow the last night of camp we took it a little further by doing bj's

since after the camp, i felt so guilty that i completely kinda withdraw from everyone. my folks were starting to pester me about getting girls, and that i seemed to always bring boys to home. and so on. even at school people started teasing me and said I was gay. i didn't act famine at all, so i didn't see what the problem was. but just the fact that i never had a girl in school was for them an indication.

anyway, my mother became friends with a married couple, two lesbians. we visited their place almost every day and they came over almost every day. they loved making fun of my dad. So I got first hand experience with what it really was to be gay or lesbian. one of them would later turned out to be my only friend that was a girl. so ever since then I was exposed to that. I never associated myself as having a relationship with another guy. that to me just felt plain wrong. all these years I just wrote it of as kind of a phase i was going through. I was not nearly famine enough to be even gay! I still wanted to be romantic with a girl back then. I think that was the church's main influence back then. They openly demonized people who were gay and left that kind of life style will only end with you going to hell. so i was mortally afraid of being gay.

eventually i went to high high school, still didn't have friends until I met this one guy. his skin tone was brown like me (my sister and father both have light skins wile only my mother and I had darker skin, my mom says it came from the Portuguese side of her family who were mostly dutch) this guy acted very femine, yet he dated a girl, they were then in a sexual relationship (this was about grade 10) well we got very close together, the three of us. the girl how ever turned out to be the younger sister of the lesbian woman.

what did strike me as odd though, he was the only son at home but on his personal computer he had pictures of naked men. I naturally copied it over to my computer since i felt a deep attraction towards it. but we never did anything funny together. well at the end of high school i went to the prom with one of the teacher's daughters who were in my class and we sat together in history and so on. but i only danced once, and not even with her, with another girl who came to ask me for a dance. sweat broke out and i shuffled my feet, i couldn't even dance! this made me feel even worse, how am i ever going to get romantic with a woman if i can't dance, can't strike up conversation without homework being the topic? i felt even worse for the girl i went to prom with, i felt like such a huge loser that i could even give her the night she deserved to have (dance, talk and laugh together or anything like that) so it was a total mishap in my life.

that holidays when the school was closed and we were done with school for ever we went to another coastal town, we went to work at the bar. my mom's lesbian friends pulled some money together and opened a temporary bar on the beach. the three of us had to go work there together with a two guys from jo'burg, south Africa and another lesbian couple from Windhoek. I must say, that holiday was the best time of my life, we smoked weed together, drank together, partied together and everything. we saw the bar as our own private holiday party. we didn't work there for the money, we worked there to have fun, we drank all our money out at the place. it was called the UFO bar, that being the December 1999. the two guys from jo'burg turned out to be gay. we never really talked much and never really connect, but at night, for the first time in my life i want to to sleep with them. but can't lol very confusing. My best friend though, he spend some nights with them, he and his girlfriend broke up on the last day of school, though we all were still friends.

any way, right after that i moved to windhoek, mostly to get away from my folks so that i could work out what and who i really am. this is were I met another friend. we became best friends very quick and spend allot of times together. He had a girlfriend who he made pregnant. she sometimes slept over and i spend every weekend at his house. the place was very small, his mom had a room to her self, while he and his youngest brother shared another room, which was also the launch during the day. when his girlfriend slept over she slept with him in his bed. i sleep just across on three couches while his brother slept on his bed on the other side of the room. there were a few nights i saw them having sex in the middle of the night and his bed sheets was covered with cum stains. I won't say he was a good influence in my life, far from it, he introduced me to heavier drugs than weed.

anyway there came a time that I stayed with them, just before I got my own luxury flat. the one night we decided to do Ecstasy (for me it was the first time). we stayed in his room with a locked door. (they moved to a different house, his brother moved out, he and his girl friend split up a few year before due to his nasty drug habit. any way, he felt so hot we undressed completely naked. i started to open up to him (guess it was the effects of the drug) and told him i was bi (at that time that's what I though I was, still never had a girl friend!!!). he said it was ok with him and very soon we started playing with one another and I ended up giving him a bj. since then I got my flat and live on my own for the first time (most of the time i stayed with my older sister and her fiance'). anyway, he used to come to my flat almost every day, and some times, we both would get horny and started doing stuff. i never took it further, you know, to have actual intercourse, though i sometimes dreamed we did have. later on he got a girlfriend. he stabbed me in the back very badly so our friendship ended very quickly after that. we've been friends for 10 year then.

about later on i met this one guy pure by chance. he's famine, sings opera and openly gay. I don;t know what attracted me to him at all. i questioned it quite allot. but he got into his head, that I am the guy he was supposed to marry, like it was destine. that gave me cold feet, and I told him I'm not even sure about my sexuality at all and i didn't want to start a relationship if i didn't come to terms with my sexuality. I don't want to end up hurting people cause I'm not sure about something as simple a sexuality.

well the one night he was at my place, I showed him the movies and music videos i had on my computer, and by pure accident I clicked on gay porn. That's when things got weird for me. but that night was the first night I ever had sexual intercourse. that night I knew I was gay. since then I never thought being with a woman again. since then I could only see myself with another man. well to cut short, i ended up proposing to him on the 25th of February 2009. (I've been living with him for almost 6 months then, in my own room). Well since that day we considered ourselves to be married, though not legally. in my country, gay couples can't get married, you have to go to a country where it's legal, but they do accept the marriage certificate. we just didn't had time to go get married legally. i took him on holiday to my folks house. (They still didn't know about my sexuality and i was mortally afraid to tell them) he broke the news to them, i just couldn't get up the courage to speak to them about it. My mom and both sisters said they knew already. my dad was kinda disappointed but asked all sort of questions, some of it even about sex between two guys!) at the end of the holiday we decided to break the news to them that we are married, they took it rather well, my mom even accepted him as a second son, she said now finally the is someone to look after her son and she wouldn't have to worry about me.

only now about my two sisters, whose' husbands none of the family members like, and neither of their husbands like mine. so we are on a kind of non speaking terms, though i do once and a while speak to my sisters over Facebook, i never call them and they never call me. my oldest sister's husband even told us openly that he doesn't want my husband in his house. which suits me fine, the less time i spend with patchy face the better. I dislike the guy, he cheats on her, drinks, and never lift up a finger to do anything in the house. my sister is a slave for him, but she likes him. for that reason alone i tolerate him, but we don't speak very often since i came out.

We have plans, go to get married on top of table mountain, just me him. We have a backup plan if this doesn't turn out well, that's to get married in Holland, but we are still deciding on that.

 

At 15 or 16 I started questioning myself and my sexuality. I don't exactly remember why I started questioning, probably because I never felt anything for a girl (well, there was this one girl I liked when I was 14 but that doesn't count). But because, at the time, I had never fell in love with a guy I decided I could not be gay.

Fast forward to last year, just after my 21st birthday. I started noticing I was looking more at men instead of women, without actually knowing it. It just happened. And that's when I started to think about everything again.

I never thought about women in a sexual way.
I never cared about Jessica Alba or Scarlett Johanson, who everyone thought was hot. Instead the girls I thought were 'hot' were short-haired ones (to name one: Alice Glass), girls who didn't look like the stereotype hot chick at all.
I had never been in a relationship but I also was never jealous about friends who did have a great relationship with a girl.
And to top it off: when I was 19 I met the guy who now is my best friend. I remember that, when I first saw him, the first thing I thought was "wow he is HOT". I must have been REALLY stupid at the time, because even when thinking about a guy as being hot I STILL didn't realise I might be gay. In fact I didn't have that realization until 2 years later.

Now it's one year after my epiphany and I'm taking the first steps of coming out. I've told two of my close friends while being drunk. And the internet people. But there's still a long way to go. The hot best friend mentioned above is the next one I've planned to come out to, next saturday.

So yeah. That's my story so far.

 

I was born in 1990, the 5th child, two brothers and two sisters. My oldest sister and I were tomboys, my brothers played a larger role in my life than my sisters, I idolized them. I played in the mud with tonka trucks, started mountain biking at age six and played hockey with the boys at the town skating rink. My best friend was a guy, and I never really crushed on anyone in elementary school. I went to an all girls summer camp for years, and there were a few counselors here and there who I really liked, but never realized it was more of a crush until I was older.

I 14 when I began to realize I liked girls. I had had a few crushes on guys in middle school and I figured I was bi. I was fine with that and at 15 came out to a few close friends on swim team. I dated two guys in high school, neither relationship lasted long and I didn’t feel much with them. Other than that I was busy with sports and academics and had no interest in dating. I occasionally checked out girls, and a guy here or there, but was too shy to act on any feelings I had. I never hid my sexuality, but I didn’t really tell anyone either.

First forward to 2011, I transferred to a new college and decided this was the perfect opportunity to start over and come out. I started to realize I was probably a lesbian, rather than bi, but when I first came out as bi, I truly thought I was. But when I started to think about the past, it all made so much more sense, hanging with the guys, playing with all my brothers toys, I did occasionally play with barbies, and the feelings I had towards some of the counselors at my camp. I wore boys clothes, hated dresses, and was mad that I couldn’t be a camper at the boy scout camp my mom worked at.
Back to my new college, one night I was out on the soccer field with two friends I made on the soccer team (one a lesbian and one FtM). We were playing Frisbee when one of them said “hey, can I ask you a question, not to be rude and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want, but, are you a lesbian?”I paused for a minute, laughed and replied, “that’s not rude….ya…” She then proceeded to jump up and down yelling to the other one “I knew it, I knew it! I told you!” (I’m pretty sure they were taking bets on whether I was a lesbian or not) They then told me they were playing detective trying to figure it out, like I said, I made no effort to hide it, actually I started giving more hints that I was because I wasn’t sure how to go about just saying it. Told her she could have just asked me haha.

My two friends gave me a lot of courage and I look up to them. After that I started the process of coming out to pretty much everyone I knew. My circle of friends is pretty accepting, a lot of gays and lesbians and my school is extremely supportive as well. My friends told some other people, which I’m totally fine with and I’m out to basically everyone and anyone who asks. Still, I haven’t officially dated a girl, but I’ve had my fair share of crushed and had a little fling with a girl back in the fall.

 

I was born in 1992 into a conservative pastor's family. Ever since I was about three years old (or since I really started remembering things) I realized that I found guys attractive. I used to get pretty hot looking at pictures of shirtless guys. I was way too young to know about my sexuality, and being in a Baptist family, this sort of thing was never discussed. I moved several times when I was younger before finally settling down in 2000. Due to always having to pack up and leave my friends, I was never able to develop any close relationships with people my age. That's when my parents enrolled me into a Christian school and I met my best friend. Looking back on it now, we were pretty close and mushy for normal best friends. There was definitely something there, but since his mom was so flamboyant and she encouraged our friendship, no one thought anything of it. They just thought we were being cute.

I was 13 when I discovered pictures of naked men in a Time magazine. I ended up masturbating to the pictures. At this point, I still thought I was straight. I had been brought up in an environment where heterosexuality was the only sexuality, so I never questioned mine. I ended up messing around with some boys my age and discovered that I really liked it.

Eventually my mom found my porn stash and confronted me about it. I was in tears and lied to her, telling her it was just a phase. My dad also saw the pictures but thought nothing of it. Several times afterwards she asked me if I liked boys, and once again I lied to her.

I was around 17 when I really considered the possibility of me being gay. It took at least two years before I could really reconcile my faith and sexuality. I had even looked into several ex-gay programs, and almost came out that way. I'm so glad that I didn't.

Meanwhile, I started having some intense feelings for my best friend. One of my other friends discovered some gay porn on his computer and I covered for him. He hasn't officially come out to me yet, but I'm about 95% sure he's at least bisexual. I really love him with all my heart, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way, but neither of us being out of the closet has so far kept anything from happening. It doesn't help that I live in a really small conservative town, and both are families are extremely religious.

I've yet to come out, and I may never. My parents are the type that would disown me if I came out to them (or perhaps I would disown them if they reacted the way I think they will). It's a shame really. I've been thinking about moving to the city with my best friend, far away from here. Then I can come out to him and being a new life.

 

When I was about 14, I started to realize I was attracted to guys. I consider myself a very rational person, so I first dismissed these feelings as my jealousy of guys who were more popular than I was (I was a geek and therefore an outcast). After about a two years of questioning, it became clear to me that I was interested in both men and women. I requestioned twice; once during high school, and once during college and early adulthood.

In high school, I didn't have too many negative reactions, but I noticed that I was attracted to a whole lot more girls than guys, and I considered most guys ugly. (And I still do, I just appreciate the beautiful ones more than I did before.) I felt really bad and embarrassed because I was almost going to consider myself straight and then just sort of not tell anyone...

I call that my "working through internalized homophobia" phase of life. It's not a phase I am proud of, although I am even less proud of the reaction formation homophobic behavior that I demonstrated in middle school and high school before I came out myself.

In college, I requested again because I was much more interested in men than women. This again caused me to have my doubts. I thought that I was "just another one of those people who come out as bisexual but then eventually get the courage to say they are gay" (the stereotype I hate the most).

I would say that I didn't stop requestioning until about a year ago when I understood more about my fluidity. Given my fluidity though, I think I will have difficulty with long-term relationships which is why I haven't really been seeking any out.

I guess the next phase is to figure out how to be a healthy bisexual who respects his partners of all genders.

 

The complicated story of the life of the one called Rex started a few years back, around the time he was a 6th grader. Because of a persistent family problem, he and his family moved far away to his father's homeland and settled there. His first year of settlement was nothing but a quick phase. The true chapters began unfolding right after that year.

After graduation, he transferred back to his birthplace and thought it was finally the life he wanted: a carefree and worry-less life. But, his life drew him somewhere else. The next year, he found his self yet back on his father's homeland. There, his personality was greatly challenged.

He met 2 people who he liked at the same time. Strange enough, the two were opposite sexes. One was an effeminate matinee idol while the other was simply an "angelic" girl. The two became his favorite "models", often writing stories about them or deriving characters out of them; he loved them. At that time, he never had a clue what really was on him. He never thought he had turned into a bisexual. The following years, he has confirmed something. He liked the boy more but kept the attraction to the girl as well, though it declined. He kept a secret fantasy of the boy and soon madly in love with him.

He then became puzzled with the life he was leading. He still liked girls but he loved boys as well. He continued struggling, alone. Soon, he had identified himself to be completely focused on the boy but seeing he can NEVER be with him, he tried deluding himself with others. He fell in love with girls twice, still keeping the beloved boy in his heart.

Now, after three years of hoping we could be together, I stopped and left myself in torn bits, never recovering from the pains of my unrequited love as a bisexual.


Sorry for the really poetic speech. I'm kind of in the mood

 

I think I first realized my attraction to guys while in the Army stationed in Berlin
Germany about 1990 or so. I realized then that when I saw porn in a store (there
was no internet yet) I particularly liked looking at the guys. Being in the army I
suppressed the feelings and did not do anything but occasionally look at porn, or
visit a gay strip club.I did even have a girlfriend, while I was stationed in NJ. We
went out for several months in 1994/1995, until I transferred to Washington state, and yes we had sex.

By the time I got out of the Army 11 years later, I knew I was gay, and even planned
my first civilian job to be near San Fransisco CA. I however found SF to be kind
of cliquey and did not meet anyone there, and stayed in the closet.

After a year and a half of CA, I moved to North eastern Pennsylvania. There I still
stayed closeted until about 2005/2006. I had a few hookups, and visited a gay bar
in the Poconos several times, but was still not out to anyone. In September 2005,
I got really sick and ended up in a hospital.
I decided after that, I wanted to enjoy life and try to find a boyfriend and work on
coming out.

Realizing that I almost died, and did not experience a real relationship with a guy,
I decided to be a little more open. I had a regular hookup in PA for a while then,
when my job laid me off I moved to Wyoming. I had a few regular hookup here as well then I saw a post on Craigslist. The ad was looking for a gay friend, and not a hookup. That sounded interesting so I contacted him and we met, on Dec 3, 2009.
Jordan and I began hanging out, a lot. I met his family, and they noticed even before
we did that we were acting like boyfriends. We then made it official a few days
later on March 9, 2010 that we were boyfriends.

He wanted to be able to meet my family and not have to hide who he was. I
thought he was right and planned to come out to my family. I wanted to do it in person,
so I planned to go to Michigan for Christmas 2010. The plan involved me coming out
to them, and having him fly out to meet me, so he could drive back if I wasn't in
a condition to do so. My coming out to my family went extremely well. I was
very nervous going into it, but it ended up being a non event. A tremendous weight
was lifted off me at that time. Added to that Jordan proposed to me on the drive
back from Michigan. I immediately accepted without hesitation. We got married in
Souix City Iowa on October 14 2011. I couldn't be happier. My husband, and I along with
our cats Kellie, and Sam, and our dog Danny, just moved into a new (to us) house with
a lease in both of our names. I really hope to have the classic happily ever after ending
with my husband, the love of my life.

Interestingly it wasn't until after I met my husband, that I was asked when I knew I was
gay. Thinking back, I did not know for sure until about 1990/1991 in Berlin. I did
however realize that going back as far as 7th grade I enjoyed looking at guys in the
locker room at school, this would have been about 1981. I therefore was noticing
an attraction to guys back then, but never acknowledged it.