I came out to my family last year . Any way i'm not in contact with them anymore . I study in the middle east , in Jordan . I came out to my colleagues several months ago . I had some problems at first but everything then got well . Anyway ever since i came out , thing at college are not going very well as i thought . Everyone seems to have a problem with me ,including doctors , patients , and even friends ,except my dear friends who accepted me . I didn't think at all to step back to the closet until a dear friend of mine visited me from Lebanon and we started to hang out . A rumor then spread between my friends that i proposed to her and suddenly everyone was congratulating me for my engagement . They said we knew that you will come back to your sense again and stop joking about you being gay .They even made me a party celebrating my engagement. I didn't say anything but thank you to everyone . It has been 3 weeks now and it seems that everything is going easy with me . My friend went on with the lie and she told me that she doesn't have a problem with that . She will leave next week back to lebanon. I hate being back in the closet , but being out here will just make my life harder . Do you think i've done the right thing ?! I'm really not disappointed to do that , i'm living an easier life thati'm not happy in it
Don't be too hard on yourself, they're the ones with the issue with you being gay, you're just expressing yourself. I guess it comes down to how much being out is affecting your life. Is it bad enough that you have to hide it? Are peoples negative reactions going to cost you your job or a place to live? Just do what you feel is right for your current situation.
Hm that's tricky. Given your location I can see why you'd want to go back in the closet, but I don't know. I think like thecarpenter said, if it's bad enough that it may impact you negatively in life then maybe you should re-hide it, but then if you're not happy, how good is it to appear heterosexual? I reckon the sensible thing to do for now would be to let it go and have people think you're straight, but I so don't support that idea. It took you a great deal of courage to tell people you're gay. You had to deal with all the prejudice and heteronormativity in the Middle East and I'm sure accepting yourself wasn't easy, let alone coming out. So coming back in the closet would be a huge step back. It would be the same as admitting to them you're wrong in trying to express who you really are, or that you're mistaken for thinking you're anything but perfectly straight. And of course you will have to come out again at some point, so how hard is it going to be for the second time? I strongly believe people should accept you and like you for who you are and if they can't get past your sexually then get new people cos the ones who surround you at the moment don't deserve you, but I understand it may not be that simple in your case, so if it really is that terrible out there, in you go. But please think it through. It won't be over just like that. This is who you are. You are going to have to deal with it sooner or later. Stay strong
Yes good points Archie. I guess another way to put it is; is it safe to be out? If there is a good chance you could lose your place in college or have your career set back, or be injured/arrested (I am unsure of the laws where you live), then I would probably go back in the closet (for now). But if it's minor discrimination (maybe some name calling or bad looks) that does not outweigh the freedom to be out, then maybe not. How long do you have left in college? Will you stay in that country when you graduate or move abroad?
Hey Rayan, Nice to see you again! Yes, your sense of sense of self must have been violated by this culture since you came out. Truly, if it makes getting through your training easier, then stay in the closet for the duration, after which you will have to make a decision. Just use this time to avoid getting engaged (you can use focussing on your schoolwork as a good excuse) and making your escape plan. My only warning to you is this: concealing yourself will do violence to your personality if you are not firmly grounded in who you are and what you hope to be. Don't lose sight of that. While it is better to stay in the closet for now, this situation should come with an expiration date, like medicines in the cabinet, to be discarded at the right moment...
Hey greatwhale , I'm glad i'm here again . Thanks all for your opinions , they are really helpful. The looks , name calling ....etc are always going to be there and noway i would go back to the closet fore such reasons . I've been through a lot ever since i came out . I don't know how i managed to stay strong through all of what happened but i did . A few months ago a car hit me , i don't know if it was because of my homosexuality or just an accident but i strongly feel that i was targeted , the police couldn't catch who did it unfortunately . It's not the only reason why i want to go back to the closet , but everything . I also have been fired from 2 jobs as soon as they have been told that i'm gay .And so as you may know that it's not easy to be outed here . I'm staying here for 2 years till graduation and then 1 year for training after that i'll leave . Because of the accident , i had to repeat my 5th year , otherwise i'll be graduating this year . I can easily avoid engagement easily as we will be in different countries next week . My family is another issue , if they heard anything they will be at my front door asking me to forgive them and then i have to lie to them too . I'm sure they will know soon , and when that happen , i have no idea what i would do . BTW , some close friends asked me if what they heard was true and i answered yes , even though these friends accepted me when i first came out but i felt more safe to lie to them . Right now i'm just depressed , confused and scared from the unknown .
Another thing that i forgot to mention . I met someone about 2 months ago , he is in 3rd year and we are really close friends . We became friends when i was out so he knew i'm gay and yet he wanted us to be friends . Until now he doesn't know what happened as he didn't come to college for 3 weeks .And i'm wondering what to tell him if he asked me . He is coming back this week so i'll meet him on Sunday . I have no idea where our relationship will go . He didn't say his gay and i have no idea if he is or not , but there's a connection between us . I had fallen for straight guys twice before who turned out to be homophobic . I also had some feelings for a gay friend who still my friend but things between us didn't work due to many things including the long distance .
Don't go back into the closet because it will be harder, the come out again. One day you would have had enough of the lies and are just going to say it and when you do it's going to be a lot worse than it was before because this time you lied…don't go back in after all of the strength it took to come out I hope I inspired you to tell the TRUTH
Don't go back in the closet! You were *basically* lying to yourself and others, and you shouldn't have to do that. You had the strength to come out to everyone, so keep it like that. If your friends and everyone else has a problem with your sexual orientation, then that's their problem, not yours. Embrace the person that you are . You can't change who you are and going back into the closet will only make you yourself feel worse and everyone think that being gay is a choice or "turning a light switch on and off". You don't want them thinking that, right?
