I can't come out!

Well if it was me I would start with one of them and pull them aside and say hey I need to talk to you . Then I would prob. say its not a big deal but I am bisexual and I am finally ready to be open about it. But thats me you may not want to be that upfront . Sorry I am not much help I too am having issues. When I get ready to do something I just do it ,so far I ahve only told 3 people . lol I maybe talking out of turn here I hope that you fig out how to tell them Good luck

 

After I came out, I lost a load of friends, and I spoke to someone about it, and they said possibly the most intelligent thing about coming out ive ever heard.

"If they reject you, they were never your friends."

If they do reject you, they were just liars. Friends don't say friends through some kind of criteria that may or may not require you to be straight. People who are actually friends, stay friends, because they enjoy each other's company.

 

I totally agree with this post. Can't say much more then that really.

 

SeriousJack, hello mate, you already sound like you have a great group of friends, and I agree with Argon, if you come out and they shun you then believe me, they were never your long-haul friends, as terrible as that may sound... BUT, again, they don't sound like those type of people.

If you want advice for how to actually tell them based on my own experience, well, after months of getting myself ready to do it, it still took me hours to take the leap. You just have to do it. I put off telling my mother until we were fifteen minutes from the airport. Later I wound up keeping my best friend hanging out at my place until after midnight with stupid excuses before I had enough Dutch courage to tell him. In both cases the butterflies in my stomach roared insanely but he grabbed my hand and said he was proud of me for telling him and really nothing had changed; and he's a country boy from the south. Granted, we still make politically incorrect jokes...

Just take a few, or a couple dozen, deep breathes and let it out, I said something along the lines of "So..., I want to tell you something..." there is no end-all way to do it, you just have to take the plunge.

 

Coming out is not something you do on a whim SeriousJack. Before you come out to anyone else, you need to come out to yourself and that doesn't happen quickly, believe me. There are a number of hurdles on the journey to self acceptance and coming out to others is the final hurdle. You haven't crossed that final hurdle yet - something is holding you back.

Now it's time for them to reciprocate. These are the people to come out to first and they will surely understand the process of self examination and reflection that you have been through, before arriving at this point. They will understand the forces within you that tell you not to say anything.. to not rock the boat.

You have not been deceitful or somehow lacking in transparency by not telling your friends yet. Our sexuality is a deeply personal thing and something we must come to terms with in our own way and in our own time. If your friends are as good as you say they will not reject you. True friends will understand and true friends will stand by you. If any of your gay and lesbian friends turn their backs on you they should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

Don't over-analyse this SeriousJack. Over-analysing will keep you where you are for a very long time. Remember, you NEED to get this out... feel the need and act on it.

Let us know how it goes.

 

Tell us about your crush. Is he one of the gay friends, or do you believe him to be straight?

We can be here to listen and offer our perspective, even though the ultimate decision is yours to take.