So, i have cone out to my parents twice. Its a long story as to why its twice, but basically its just a long acceptence process for them. However, today, i brought it up with my mom again. (I sincerely wish whoever reads this to read at least the first post in my first thread on EC just last winter. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/129284-need-some-serious-advice.html) Like i said, i brought it up with my mother again tonight. I told her she knew how i felt. (we were talking about a lesbian friend of myne.) She got quiet. She started to tear up a bit. She mentioned she would always accept me, even though it would be hard for her. After a few things wete said, she mentioned that she wanted grandkids. I then uttered something i never thought i could say to my mother, the closest person to me in the world.... "isnt that a bit selfish"..... She agreed. But still. I dont know where i am going with this, but is it okay for her to put that weight on my shoulders? I know there are options, like surrogacy, adoption, etc. But idk...
Regardless of whether you're gay, straight, or otherwise, it's not fair of her to put something like that on you. If you do or don't want to have children someday is your decision, because it's your life, and you are the one that has to live it. If you do want to have kids someday, then you can explain to her that adoption and surrogacy are options, and she may have grandchildren. But having children is your choice, not hers. Don't fret about it, too much. You're only 19 and you have plenty of time to figure this stuff out.
Was it wrong of her to say that to you? Yes. Was it wrong of her to feel that? No. What I mean by that is that she has her own grieving process to go through. It's okay for her to wrestle with your identity. Those of us who discover we aren't who we once thought we were have a tough time adjusting, so it's natural that for someone on the outside it must be difficult to accept. But I don't know, after I said that, maybe I changed my mind. Maybe it's good she said that, as much as it is a burden. At least you guys can talk through things and come to an understanding. Would you rather she bottle up her feelings and not talk about them? I guess I can see both sides here.
When i typed this last night, i was incredibly tired. I left out an important part. She also said "I just want to protect you.Its the motherly instinct. I know how they [lgbt] are treated."
Would your mother love you less if you were straight but unable to reproduce? Probably not. It's unfair of your mother to try to invoke a guilt trip. Obviously if that technique worked, most of us would be "cured" or miserable in our "choice". OK, so you're gay. That doesn't mean you can't raise a family if you choose, but that has to be your choice, not Mom's.
Your nineteen right? I'm sixteen, we're not to far apart. No matter your orientation, it sucks at such a young age being told by your 'rents that they expect you, like REALLY REALLY EXPECT YOU, to have kids. I would tell your mom that at nineteen, even if you WERE straight, that you don't want to even think about having kids now anyway. because it doesn't matter. At nineteen, school and getting a job and living life matters. Or whatever the hell else you want to care about. Line dancing or whatever. Good luck bro. I just realized how lucky I am having 'rents who don't care if I'm gay or straight.
