Well, hello there, I wasn't expecting myself to be up at 12noon fussing over how exactly I'm going to start a thread about coming out, but here I am, doing it anyway. :eusa_clap I think I'll just jump straight in, I'm transgender, born as the wrong sex put simply. I've felt this way for around 4 years now, though I've never really been serious about coming out until now. Although I had come out to my parents around 2 years ago I think, they weren't very accepting (though I had randomly sent them an email about it, so that probably really didn't help my case). They didn't believe me at all, they asked questions I didn't know the answer to, and immediately sent me to the the local GP in case I was mentally ill or something. Fast forward today, and so far I've come out to one friend so far, and she was really supportive about it, she even started cracking jokes about it. I'm planning to come out to a few more friends before I finally try my luck again with my parents. Although the many sites I've seen about LGBT while scouring the internet have helped to an extent, I am not exactly sure on how I should come to my parents. I'm terrible when put in the spotlight, I just immediately become timid and start shaking uncontrollably when it becomes really bad, but I can push through if I really have too. So far the best option I can think of is writing a letter and leaving it in an envelope on the dining table when I go to school, but I can see two problems with that: 1. I have no idea what I'll say when they confront me about it. 2. They may just ignore everything in the letter and think I'm going through some kind of phase. All i'm asking for is some basic advice, anything to make me feel better or just some sign some simple encouragement to push on. Like I said, it's been around four years that I've been stuck in this predicament it's beginning to become unbearable.:icon_redf
hey, first of all, welcome to EC!!! It's really awesome that you came out to your friend and she responded so well Maybe you could write a short and pretty simple letter, and you could leave it before going to school, but make sure they won't be stressed or anything, because that won't help you at all... which you probably already know :b but, anyways, I think you should keep the letter short and cut to the point, and you could maybe ask them in the letter, how long you've been dealing with this, and that this isn't a phase and maybe something like: When you're ready to talk about it, so am I, or something like that, so they can decide whether to talk about it/when they're ready, because that's pretty important too... I think you should be patient, maybe look around here, to see other people, and how they did everything they did... keep up posted good luck
Thanks ^_^ I'll be sure to do that. Most of the websites that I looked at had all said to write these huge essay like letters but I could never think of what to say or how to say it, but this definitly helps me out Thank You again
Yeah, I think that if you write a long letter, you might overwhelm the person with the information, you'd better keep it short, so they don't have to process too much, because it could still be pretty difficult already, so yeah You're welcome good luck
*update* i've let my friends know who I really am and they've been really supportive about it! Hopefully i'll have the confidence to leave that letter for my parents soon. ^-^
Congratulations Well its your decision what you say... some people caution to have some kind of support network... you might look up transgender helpline in your place... there are people there who might give you hints, and support... and take part on EC... Many people now say being tg is biological. Theory has it it has to do with brain development before birth. So its neither your nor their fault. This is a brochure for the british national health service, a very reputable source : http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf They talk of it having biological causes. meaning its not just a whim ... (What I do not like is on page 7 talking about stress... many experience relief...) You might tell that your gender is only part of you, that you will still be the same and that you will be like your male/female twin... and you might describe your disphoria... Some Moms might be a bit more accepting, because they might kind of win someone they can talk to and do things with concerning emotional stuff. You might tell you're more interested in that. You might say you don't like this manly stuff, its just not who you are. There is no use in trying, and its not their fault. Now well, they might be afraid what neighbours think... but you could say its really who you are, and there are many people like you. Here are some more resources: I'm kind of In fact, quite a few people are trying first to fulfill and even overfulfill gender roles until they simply find out its not them. Its only some representation in the media that all people knew from early on. Here is a draft letter: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/165521-trans-coming-out-letter-draft.html You might have a look at support groups, maybe in your local lgbt center... you might say you want some counseling, with a gender therapist... someone experienced in that matter... they might help you along the process... and you might talk to someone from an lgbt center... saying you want some counseling... there should be resources for tg people, you could even do that by phone... And you could have a look at this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony.../147192-transitioning-where-do-i-start.html#4 It can be fun playing a bit with hair and clothing styles... Just keep on... hugs
Congratulations on coming out! you're off to a great start. I think that letters can be a good way to get your thoughts out there. you do want to be sure that they read it. and personally, I would rather be out of the house while they were reading it, so that they read the whole thing before they react. you could always hand it to them, tell them it's something they need to read, and then go out for a long walk. good luck! (&&&)
Thanks all the extra info and advice is really going to help when I take the big leap! Hopefully I can get the letter done soon. Wish me luck
Coming out is usually a difficult thing to do, and what might work for one person may not work for another. Honesty is the best policy in my opinion. Just sit your parents down and try opening up to them. Just tell them how you feel. If you are really freaked out about it, it might help to get a counselor involved to monitor the situation. You are right, four years is a very long time to hide such a big part of yourself. It might suck at first, but I think ultimately you'll be relieved to get this off your chest. Do what you are comfortable with when you feel it's right.
Good luck Hopefully your parents will be more accepting this time. (If you still feel the same after two years, that might convince them that it's not a phase) Hang in there, and keep us updated. If you need us, we're all here. Great to hear your friends took it well
Thanks! I'll gladly consider many posibilities about ways of coming out though I know i shouldn't rush into this. I've hit a slight snag though, my Dad is going away on a business trip for a week, and mum can get really edgy when he's not here. The problem is that I actually wanted to tell them later next week, but now I'm not sure if I should...
I don't know what kind of people your parents are, but you do, and you'll probably know when it is and isn't a good time to do it...
I think I'll still go through with it, but I'll inform Mum not to talk to Dad about it over the phone or whatever. I know Dad may freak, and that wouldn't do any good while he's away, but I'm pretty sure mum will be accepting.
It's good to know your mom will probably accept it I think it's a pretty good idea, but just make sure she really doesn't tell him... good luck <3
