How long until you came out?

I think it varies for everyone. You'll find gay people who say they've known since birth, others who've discovered their sexuality in their 40s. And sometimes the gap between knowing you're gay and accepting that you're gay is a lengthy one. At this stage, it's important for you to know that 1) it's totally normal for you to be uncertain about your sexuality at your age, and 2) don't worry too much about a timeline. When you are ready to come out - that's the right time to come out.

If it helps, I'm happy to share my experience: I guess I fall into the "I've always known" category, even though I stayed in the closet for years and denied/hated/tried to change the fact that I'm gay. By "I've always known," I mean that I've had sexual/romantic thoughts and fantasies about men since puberty. But because I grew up in a conservative environment, I buried my sexuality out of shame and fear. I came out of the closet five months ago; I'm 27 years old. When I first joined EC I worried that I was "too late" to come out and that I missed the gay boat Since then though I've learned that it's never too late, and some people just need time to develop the confidence and maturity they need to arrive at self-acceptance. Now I'm dating guys, and while I sometimes wonder how things would have been different if I'd been brave enough to come out earlier, I'm not unhappy.

There are a lot of great resources here on EC. I recommend you check out the ones on figuring out your sexuality: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexua...l-informative-threads-sexual-orientation.html

So the point is - it's normal for you to be confused now. Certainly will come with time. But don't feel like you have to rush, and come out when you're ready.

I really hope that helps!

 

I agree, it's going to be different for everyone. You're 18, you're plenty young, you have a lifetime ahead of you, so don't worry about being a little confused. It's definitely okay to be unsure, and it's hard to give you a timeline, though I'll tell you how it happened for me.
Sounds like you'd like to be out, even if you don't know as what. If you have a friend who happens to be LGBT, or someone you trust, you could talk to them about being questioning. Most of us go through it, and they'll be understanding and helpful.
But yeah, there's no rush. Maybe your uncertainty is because you're afraid of something? Does the thought of coming out as something other than straight make you uncomfortable, or are you just afraid of being wrong? Because you're allowed to make mistakes.

Growing up, I knew and accepted that I could get crushes on both guys and girls, but because I hadn't had a relationship with either, it didn't seem like a big deal to me. In high school, I fell in love with a guy, so a part of me assumed I was straight.

Later, I met a girl. A girl I was seriously into. It just clicked in my head: I could date this girl. I want to date this girl. I'm bi. I had no trouble accepting it, it seemed obvious, and I was certain almost at once. I'd had these feelings for a guy before, now I was having them for a girl: bi.

Two weeks later, I was handed an opportunity, and I came out for the first time. It's still an ongoing process, of course, but that was the start. I was 18.

 

It varies for everyone, some people come out a few months after questioning, others take years. But either way it's the self acceptance which is the hardest.

I first questioned when I was 12 after coming across twink porn and I liked it a lot, I stumbled through 2 years of finding out what I liked and thinking of my friends in 'that way', by age 14 I was pretty much exclusively watching gay porn and first asked myself "am I gay" and I decided no I wasn't because I didn't want to be and I carried on watching gay porn and fantasising about boys (now I realise how naive I was). This went on for 3 years until I was 17 and had my first full on crush and it was on another guy, within 60 seconds of this happening I realised I was in fact gay and my world came crashing down. Being gay didn't fit in with what I wanted from life, since I was young I knew I wanted to be a dad and it felt like in one stroke that was gone.

I sunk into denial for about 3 and a half years and it wasn't until I hit rock bottom I realised I had to find a way for my sexuality to exist in my life. A year later when I was 21.5 I was more at ease with who I was and was starting to enjoy certain aspects of being gay. Skip another year forward and I had joined up here and pretty quickly I many of my doubts and fears were put to rest and a few weeks later just before my 23rd I came out for the first time.

So for me it's been pretty much 11 years on a gay roller coaster getting thrown all about the place, but hey, for some people that ride is less than 11 months. But the most important thing is just to come out at your own pace, don't feel you have to do certain things before a set time

 

I was 42. I wish I had come out sooner. I wish I had done it when I was just a teenager. But I guess I was too ignorant before then. I was too insecure. I was just a kid. Now I'm sure of it.

 

Between the time I knew in my heart (not just "I might be" but actively knew and accepted), about 9 months or so. I just couldn't stand it anymore and sat down a few close friends and told them.

 

There is no standard "time line"; there is only YOUR time line for you. When the feelings are strong, some people (today) figure it out in their early teens. Others with mixed tendencies or not as strong sexual intensities may not figure it out until many decades later. I did not understand what some of my feelings meant until I was in my fifties and later; if you think the pressure to "think straight" is still oppressive today (particularly for Christian households), you could not imagine how much worse it was during the previous century.

The important thing is for you to experiment around with guys and girls and figure out which, if either, you feel more naturally comfortable with, and then you can declare it publicly if you want to. There is no problem for you to be "questioning" how you feel, if that is indeed how you feel. It sounds like your parents will not hassle you too much once you decide.

 

About 9 years old xD

 

For me, I was about 12 and a half ish when I started figuring that I might be something other than straight, but I remember ages ago I found a list my seven year old self made titled 'crushes' and there were a few girls on it. I'm queer, but I've only told some of my closest friends. There's no set timeline, I guess; depends on how fast you want it over and done with

 

I could have known my sexuality since puberty, because I remember "noticing" guys back then just like I do today. Despite that, I didn't reach the point of being able to say "I'm gay" in my mind until I was 25 because I grew up in a sheltered, extremely conservative Christian environment, where I had no idea that people like me could even "become" gay. Once I finally admitted my sexuality to myself, it probably took at least a year and a half for me to get to the point where I rarely had moments of questioning and doubt. Of course, as everyone else has said, timelines are uniquely individual; my main point is to show that for some of us, even after we've come out to ourselves, it can take a while for that newfound knowledge to settle in to the point where we're comfortable with it.

 

I came out to a couple of friends when I was 16 they were accepting I told mum&dad when I was 17 that was difficult because I knew how they felt about it took a few months before they accepted it .I had a cousin who I thought the world of and I just couldn't tell him I was Gay because I know he would have been crushed kept that secret for years .

 

Never really tell my parents since I was never really serious with a woman. My siblings know and close friends knows but I don't see the need to advertise my sexuality orientation. You don't see straight people walking around telling everyone they're straight. I don't see why lgbt oriented people should advertise their preference either.

I personally prefer people to know me for my capability and my intelligence and not for my sexual orientation.

 

I never came out when I thought I was Gay but I came out fully 10 months after I realised I was Bisexual.

 

It' so recently to me...

About 2 months ago, I discovered my true sexuality and I say this first time to my two bi best friends (one of them live in other state that me and other live in same city that me and I knew her personally) and some time later, I said this to my straight big best friend (practically my heart sister) and was so good to tell this to her because she's a great ally and June 7th we will go to Gay Parade together with my other best friend (that bi who I knew personally)