Grown up and independent, but I need help talking to my parents.

Well if you have apprehensions of actually speaking to them in person how about writing a letter to break it to them? Just leave it somewhere in their house where your parents are bound to find it, can be their bedroom. Write at the end of the letter "call if your are ready to talk." I find that letters offer us reprieve from the actual stress and anxieties we get when we try to approach to actually talk. The problem lies that with each step we take we rub through our minds the worst case scenarios ultimately leading us to back out. With the letter you're already out of that awkward situation, once it's there the options of getting tongue tied are non existent. Try it out write a letter, you do not necessarily have to give it to them right away. Keep it until such a time you feel you are ready.

If you are also unsure of just diving in 100%. How about coming out in increments? Start out by talking about LGBT issues, ones that particularly apply to you and that you would face in the future ahead. Gauge their response, if it's in the negative hold out a little and just continue conditioning them about LGBT issues. If in the event they respond in a positive manner. Talk about a LGBT friend, who came out to his or her parents (can be imaginary). Talk about the response of the parents and how the situation was at first shocking but ultimately how they realized that he or she was still the same child they knew before, it didn't mean that everything about their lives had to change. Talk about the positive outcomes for the family such as a more open communication, no longer fear based. Gauge their response, if it's in the negative hold out a little and just continue conditioning them about the positive outcomes for the family, how happy they were that their child could now live as he or she truly is. If in the event they respond in a positive manner. Talk about what they would do if a relative a sister, brother, a child... were to come out LGBT. Gauge their response, if it's in the negative hold out a little and just continue conditioning them to the idea that having an LGBT in the family doesn't make it any less of a family. Just remind them of the positive outcomes your (imaginary) friend's family had come to realize. Eventually f they warm up to the idea then it may be time for you to come out... either in person or in letter.

I ultimately wish you success in this endeavor.

 

Honestly just try to take issues which they have been exposed to from the media, it'll be hard for them to formulate an opinion with an issue they have no knowledge off. Say for example the Gay Marriage is Legal ruling by SCOTUS. I mean yes your father has indicated that he doesn't view it as a "true marriage". Try to mitigate this by explaining that LGBT folk aren't asking for special treatment, just equal and protection under the law treatment. As simple as that try to make it sound human and compassionate. The worst thing you can do is to attack your dad because he'll only end up reinforcing his former beliefs, because of anger. It doesn't have to be that necessarily controversial. I myself, the last conversation regarding LGBT I had with my parents was about Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner. We talked about how the family was ultimately behind him. My parents' concern was ultimately about how the children felt about the transition. The whole conversation does not have to revolve around everything LGBT, as I said increments.

 

I totally relate to this. I'm not out to anyone, more because I'm still trying to figure it out and completely come out to myself. I have a similar scenario, I'm grown up and independent, I live nearly across the country from my family, so whatever their reaction, it won't really affect me, but I still know at some point this will have to be said. I know my mom has liked several postings on facebook about LGBT issues and I'm pretty sure she's realized my cousin who lives near me is also gay, but not out, so I don't think she'll have an issue with it. Just it will be awkward since we don't really talk about these things. I don't see my dad being particularly supportive, but I'm not supportive of my dad's marijuana for recreation usage and things haven't been the same since I found out about it 8 years ago, so that relationship is already ruined.

I think the letter route is a good way to go, as it takes away the awkwardness of talking about it, but definitely feel you on the anxiety about the time between the letter being sent and replied to. Could you possibly try an email? I know it's somewhat less personal, but it may be slightly quicker and easier for your parents to reply to if they aren't quite ready to talk about it, but want you to know they've received it. Also, do you have any siblings or aunts/uncles who know your parents well that you could come out to them first and then use that to gauge what your parents' reaction will actually be? I plan to come out to my younger sister first, as I know she should be pretty open to it and may have already figured it out.

Anyways, wish you the best of luck!

 

There may be something to telling your mom first.I don't mean to advocate a "divide and conquer" method, not at all. You may be able to leverage that your mother speaks your father's language, where as you may not. The idea here is not to have your mother break the news (which may not be news you should keep in mind) but more enlist her cooperation in helping you to address your father.

 

If the OP is to take this option though she should clarify with her mother to let HER come out to the father in her own terms and time. There are instances where the mother will ultimately try to hold the "secret" for as long as she can. However it would be unfair to burden her with such an issue and expect her to withhold it from her spouse. There was an instance wherein this happened and was the subject of a debate we had in this post--- (http://emptyclosets.com/forum/general-support-advice/188494-how-can-i-stop-being-so-resentful-towards-my-mother.html)

 

Congratulations! I can't believe it only took you three days from you starting this thread to actually doing it. Kudos!