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So my boyfriend and I can't seem to get anal sex working for me.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by wombats, Aug 14, 2011.

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  1. wombats

    wombats
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    So pretty much im a guy with a pretty great boyfriend (who im gonna call Greg) who i am really happy with. We both want to have sex, Greg being the top and me being the bottom because he just doesnt enjoy being a bottom its just not pleasurable for him.

    So we have sex but no matter what we do, positions, different lubes, different condoms (always non spermicidal) it never feels good for me. I mean sometimes it'll feel ok but not really pleasurable. Other times it'll burn and we have to stop.

    Now long before Greg, i did have sex with one other person. (i'll call the other person Jack) when i had sex with Jack i was a bottom and it actually felt really good. The only thing i can think of that could be the problem is Greg's size. Considering we've used the same lube (along with other brands) and the same type of condom and even same position as my time with Jack and it still doesnt fell good like that time. Greg is bigger than Jack.

    I mean Greg and I dont always do it due to the fact that he knows it hurts me. So maybe we dont practice enough? Or maybe it is his size and he and I will probably not be able to have actual intercourse?

    Im pretty much just posting this for advice and others opinions and maybe even real facts too. I'm not trying to put my business out there or anything I just really want to know why I can't get it to feel like my first time. And hopefully i posted in the right place.

    But whether we ever can have intercourse or not hes told me that it doesnt matter. So its not like our relationship will end if we cant have it. So post your honest advice and opinions and of course if you have anything that could possibly help with us please post!
     
    #1 wombats, Aug 14, 2011
  2. Ridiculous

    Ridiculous
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    Do you find it pleasurable when you use a finger or sex toy? Have you had your boyfriend try this on you? It'll be easier for him to discover where in particular makes it feel good when he's using a finger or toy. Then once he's explored a bit, he should be able to try to do it with his penis.

    Also, how much preparation do you do before he inserts? Even with lube, you can't expect for it to just go right in with no pain. You say it wasn't a problem with your previous partner (who was smaller) so I would say the pain issue here is that you aren't 'stretching' yourself enough beforehand.

    Finally, are you using enough lube? It won't hurt to try with more, and it definitely helps with these sorts of problems.
     
    #2 Ridiculous, Aug 14, 2011
  3. Revan

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    Do you mind me asking the size? Because I mean thickness and length both can cause more pain.
     
    #3 Revan, Aug 14, 2011
  4. Zontar

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    Greg must have a hell of a peg. =p

    I'd just dump copious amounts of lube on there and give it a slow, steady second shot. Could you be nervous as well? That can be a sort of positive feedback loop, getting more nervous every time you hurt.
     
    #4 Zontar, Aug 14, 2011
  5. wombats

    wombats
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    @Ridiculous: i do actually find it pleasurable when i use a finger (which i found odd but i guess i never really thought about it) i havent tried it with Greg. i cant believe i never thought about it. Theres not much preparation actually so i suppose that could also be why. as for enough lube, ALWAYS but sometimes when were trying for a while adding more sometimes makes it burn more.

    @Revan: nah i dont mind. honestly though i dont know i've never measured hahaha. i can say that it is thick which is my first guess as to why it'd hurt.

    @Zontar: haha i suppose so. nah im never nervous. im really comfortable with him.
     
    #5 wombats, Aug 14, 2011
  6. toaster

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    Maybe Greg is using the wrong techniques? I think Greg is kinda packing down there, you need to pratice more? Getting control of your anal muscles. I know is hard to do, I am a bottom myself and is kinda weird that I don't have any experience yet and telling you all this, LOL
     
    #6 toaster, Aug 14, 2011
  7. Leif

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    I would recommend trying out a toy first. Because of his size it might help to use one since it will make having him more of a gradual transition.
     
    #7 Leif, Aug 14, 2011
  8. Eleanor Rigby

    Eleanor Rigby
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    That is probably why.
    It takes a lot of preparation for anal sex to be enjoyable, and the more your partner is big, the more preparation it takes.
    I suggest you to check out this link, especially the last part, it may answer some of your questions : Empty Closets - Anal Sex
    If you have more questions afterward, feel free to ask :slight_smile:

    Take care, Cécile
     
    #8 Eleanor Rigby, Aug 14, 2011
  9. wombats

    wombats
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    Thanks everybody for the advice! I'm really glad i posted on here :slight_smile:
     
    #9 wombats, Aug 20, 2011
  10. thylvin

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    Something else you should be considering... not all lubricants will work for everyone. So its better to test out which ones that works for you, you can test it under the armpit or put it around the hole itself. if it is irritating or burning or too cold then keep away from it.

    Take your time in getting ready for the actual penetration. You got it right with your finger, but do that more when you guys are about to have sex... once you feel your muscle is more relaxing, add another finger, go one like that. once you feel its more relaxing add another finger, when its again more relaxing then your are ready.
     
    #10 thylvin, Aug 20, 2011
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