I'm on a roll... But I feel trapped.

[reallyrandomguy]

So... Just a little update on my coming out story. Sorry it's sort of long. It just happened. I last posted about a month ago that I was planning on coming out to S and C and hadn't heard back from T.

That thread is here.

I have since come out to C, and heard from T. C was completely fine with it, and said he didn't think any of our mutual friends would have a problem with it. T just said that he was still reading the essay and would give me his notes soon.

And then, I got into a confrontation with E. Now, E is known as a bit of a jerk amongst my friends, and we ended up getting into a conversation about me and H (See previous thread). Eventually, it wound up going something like this:
E:"Are you gay or something?"
I just froze for a second
RRG:"Would that be a problem?"
E:"No. Oh my god!" (Here, he pointed at my Rainbow Delegation wristband) "I knew it!"
RRGMentally, I'm going OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT. I keep my composure and say) "That doesn't mean anything."

E ended up giving up and leaving. I sort of regret not using that opportunity, but the time wasn't right, since I had a few friends I wanted to tell first.

I recently told another friend that I was gay via a screenplay that I wrote and asked her to read. She loved it, asked what my inspiration was, and I told her that it was the opposite of my coming out reaction

As we were talking about it, another filmmaking friend of mine who I mentioned in one of my previous posts (S) mentioned he was interested in reading the screenplay. I sent it to him tonight with an explanation as to my inspiration and relating to a little bit of our discussion today.
Since then, I've been in a bit of a funk, nervous about his response and because of some family stuff that's been going on with my uncle. On top of that, my parents are still hounding me about college apps, so I'm a little depressed right now.

Then, on my high school's GSA page, someone just posted something that said all the members of the club were beautiful. Being as weak and vulnerable as I am today, I felt quite a lot better, and sent him a private message saying thank you. He just replied and said that he's glad he could make me feel better. (I think I have a tiny crush on him... Something else that's happy, at least! )

The thing is, for the last three people, I've only mentioned my coming out. I haven't specifically said that I'm gay. For the girl and S, they get the context because I mentioned that I relate to the gay character in my screenplay. For the last guy, there's no context.
I feel like I'm lying here, since I haven't said outright that I'm gay. In part, that's not entirely true, but since I don't want to have to explain my sexuality and gender (I'm pangender (I identify as a few different genders, such as male, female, and ftm. It's like genderqueer, but different), and about a Kinsey 5). I feel like I should just say I like guys, not girls, but even then, that's lying. Is there a way for me to get around this? Has anyone else experienced this?

tl;dr: I came out to C, T acknowledged the essay I gave him, I got in a fight with E, and now S and two others know. I'm confused about how to say I'm gay when my sexuality/gender is really more complex.

[hiddenxrainbows]

I can relate. Whenever anyone finds out that I'm pansexual, I have to explain to them what it is. Because most people have never heard the term before. And even after I explain it, some people are just like "So you're bi?" And I have to remember to keep a civil head and tell them that no, I'm not bi; pan and bi are two different things. It's not easy coming out to people, especially when your sexual orientation/gender identity isn't "normal" in the gay community or whatever.

But maybe you're making this a little harder than it needs to be. If you want to tell someone, maybe you should say something like this: "Well, first off, I don't really consider myself just male. I'm pangender; I kind of identify with multiple genders. I'm not just one thing. And because of that, I don't exactly have a set sexual orientation. I like guys, so biologically that would make me gay. But since I'm pangender, I'm kind of not."

One of my best friends are actually in the same boat. She's a lesbian, but she's also transgender. So in a way, she's kind of straight....Things like this aren't easy. lol