I had posted this story before but seemingly I used too much words then which resulted in...um no replies. Here is the short version... (full version: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/108352-he-nextdoor.html) Last December I met a guy which was nice to me (and good looking), we also lived close by so we developed an intimate relationship throughout time. Some while later I fell for him. However, his Facebook profile said that he is straight and he make some comments on girls he found 'typical'. Yet however, he asked me to go to a concert with him, there, we were sitting very close, already touching, and kept chatting all the time. His friends teased us that we were a couple--awkward, but when his friends left and we were alone, I somehow grabbed his hand on an escalator and he didn't recoil, we-I had a very happy half-a-minute until the escalator ascended from the ground and we had to say goodbye, our friendship prevailed, but he still has no idea that I fancy him. What should I do???
Well...if you held his hand he may have a hunch already that you like him. But to be honest it depends on what you want as to what you should do. If you want to know for sure if he likes you the only thing you can really do is tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels. I know it's quite hard to do but you'll never know otherwise. If he likes you then that'd be great. If he doesn't like you in that way but is happy to stay friends then you haven't lost anything, and at least you have peace of mind. Hope everything goes well for you!
I think (after making sure that he isn't homophobic) I will come out to him as gay first and see his reaction. If our friendship prevailed once again...well I would eventually have to tell him how much he occupied my mind. Wish me luck.
(On the phone) Me: Hey, XXX! Happy birthday! (Today is his birthday) Him: Oh, (aghast) Me: I know that I already did that on Facebook but I still need to tell you again since sixteen (he just turned 16) is an important milestone in Western countries. Him: Okay, thanks a bunch. (some silence) Me: Hmm, I need to admit that telling you 'Happy Birthday' is only a prologue to what I am going to tell you next. Him: Okay,... (cautious) Me: I am going to tell you a secret that I had held inside of me for so long that I just NEED to tell someone to prevent myself from exploding. Him: What is it? (curious now) Me: I am gay. Him: Okay,... Me: So you're completely okay with that? Him: Yep, I guess I could understand to some extend. Me: Hmm, something else. Had you suspected that before? Him: Well, yes, a few times. (Oh my God, what the...?) Me: Then, since you could take this in well, then I hope that you could understand the next, which is a lot more embarrassing... Him: You like me, don't you? (!!!) Me: ...Yes. Him: Well, sorry I'm not (gay). Me: Yes, that I know, which had been hard. Him: ... Me: Had it been so obvious that I like you? Him: Actually, yes. It had been quite clear to me for some time. Me: We still could be friends, though, no matter what? Him: Of course, I am actually amazed that you have the courage to tell me this, my friend. Me: I had been on an advice website for LGBT [EC!!] and a lot of people there had given me great advice. Him: That's great. Me: Thanks for understanding, though. I don't know whether others could understand me so...thoroughly. Him: Your welcome. Our conversation terminated, however, our friendship prevailed. I could hardly believe how one could be so understanding, so kind to someone like me when part of the society told him to do otherwise. He is really a friend worth being in touch throughout lifetime. And although the crush I have for him hadn't faded and I doubt it would for some time, the inner peace that I had lost some time ago has finally found its way back into my heart. The feeling is so wonderful, so overwhelming, so...peaceful no matter what the result was. I have the peace of mind. No longer anxious, no longer expectant, no longer wandering aimlessly. But happy with whatever the future has in store for me. I had resigned, and given away my weary heart. Maybe he isn't the Mr. Right for me, but I'll continue searching. One day, maybe... Thanks to everyone here and great thanks to EC! I had gotten so much advice and encouragement. Hugs to everyone, no matter who you are and where you are.
:eusa_clap I'm glad he took it well! It'll be hard just being friends with him, when you want to be more, but the crush will, given time, fade away. Best of luck to you!
Yet now, after our conversation and my 'apocalypse', each time I see him, it's like a knife, stabbing my heart over and over again until there is nothing left to excruciate, knowing that he could never return the love that I somehow still have for him. And since that he had taken it in so comfortably, I still couldn't get over with the crush that I had thought that would demise...I even purposefully notice other guys but he just keep springing into my mind... Oh my, I feel like one of those school girls-boys?-in movies and novels having a stupid crush on some good-looking boy. Though I doubt that it's just some stupid crush in my case since I still couldn't get over with it... Even though I know that there is no other person on this world that I had ever had the feeling that I have now only for you. Even though I know we might not be able to share a future. Just let me encounter you in my dreams.
