I'm not even sure I need advice I just need to vent. I've been with my girlfriend for 5 months which might not seem like a long time but it feels like we've been together for years. I'm 24 and she's 27. She's the first girl I've ever been with and we'd been best friends for a year before anything happened between us. When we met she was the one who identified as a lesbian (although she has been engaged in the past) Everything is amazing between us and I'm really happy. The problem is she's not out to her family and quite a few of her friends. She knows that they wouldn't take it very well. She lives with her Nan and neither of us are in a position financially to move in together at the moment and if she came out right now I know she would have to deal with a lot of backlash and her family wouldn't allow me in the house etc. so I'm not wanting her to have to go through that. Her nan has already asked if I'm gay and her mother has made it quite clear she hates the fact we spend so much time together. They keep pressuring her to meet a man or get back with her ex and settle down and have a baby and theyve made it obvious they don't like me so I'm sure they suspect something. It's hard because I know she can't do anything but I'm sick of having to be so secretive all of the time. Little things are just really upsetting and frustrating me. We're so in love that I just wanna shout it from the rooftops but it's this massive secret. When I see other couples being so obviously happy it makes me sad because I want that but I can't ever see a point where it will be that way. I feel like I deserve to have my relationship acknowledged by the world rather than hiding it away. Like I say I don't want or expect her to do anything about it because I don't want her to have to deal with the upset when I'd be the reason for it but it's just difficult. Guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and see if anyone's been in a similar position.
I dated someone 4 years older than me. Wouldn't even kiss in public because of all the damn stares. I know it sucks now, but remember one day you'll be able to hold hands and kiss and be all sappy and proclaim your love for each other to the world. If she came out now, you would be putting all that on the line. Is it really worth the risk? Probably not.
Thanks. Yeah I know you're right and it definitely wouldn't be worth the risk and until she moves out then there's not much that can be done but it's still really shit, especially with the constant pressure off her family to meet a man and settle down because they're laying it on really thick at the moment.
reading your post really reminds me of my situation (I made a post about it here, if you are interested : http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/119239-dating-someone-closet-your-opinion.html ) don't worry, I know how you feel like you want to shout it to the whole world... It is soon gonna be a year with my girl and she is closeted as you can read in my post... sometimes it's very irritating, and, altough in my case I have my own place so we can be intimate, well, she can only sleep over once every week and it is really frustrating... her parents keep pressuring her to invite her boyfriend over, to introduce him, etc...(she is 38 while I am 18 but because of a special situation she his living at her parent's house for now) Believe me I understand you... Don't push her to come out, don't. but support her into it. and makes sure she knows you are there for her.
