Madly in love with male 'best' friend; not sure if he is gay or not.

Ok, so this is my first ever post here:smilewave: I've been hovering around the site for quite a while and have finally made an account. I figured that you guys would be a great help as I have an ever so classic dilemma... I'm crazy in love with my best friend! I know this is quite long (sorry!) but please take the time to read it and offer me advice, I would be so thankful

Let's call my friend 'Tom' for the purpose of this post. So me and tom have been friends for almost 3 years now. I instantly clicked with him when he moved to my school (were in high school btw) and we've been friends since. For the past six months, we haven't been extremely close, but still close friends.

So basically, I love him. Everything about him. His body, his face his personality... His ass Just kidding. But seriously, he if perfection. I just don't know whether he is gay or not.

For:
Although it happens slightly less lately, he acts pretty gay towards me. He talks about how he masturbates, he has dry humped me a few times, we sit with our legs or arms touching quite a lot, and he sometimes leans on me purposely and gets his head, er, quite low:***:. About a month ago, I was in the library at school looking out the window, and he came behind me and pretended to f*ck my ass. Needless to say, I was turned on by this. We also had a very intimate occasion in our history lesson last week- after a long moment of eye contact- he got a ruler and started sliding it under my chair and tickling my balls and ass with it. He then told told me to do it to him. Of course I did That was one magical moment. I got a hard on, and i think he saw it because he tapped my c*ck with the ruler and laughed. About the eye contact, that is one of the main things that make me think he might be gay. We ALWAYS have these moments of eye contact, and there is definitely something there when it happens. I can almost feel the sexual tension. He's also asked questions like 'What would you do if a friend came out to you as gay?' And has asked me if I'm gay too (more on that later). He even jokes about having dildos up him etc., but I think that's just humour related. Tom also sits on my lap sometimes and occasionally hugs me from behind. When we are in the pool, he is very close to me and we always wrestle- he once sung a song of 'being in his dreams' when I was on top of him <3 Ijust wanted to kiss him at that point. I've had two sleepovers at his so far, and he can get quite close at them (e.g cuddly Snapchats and the infamous dry humping). He also likes to play with my fingers and wrestle with each others hands, but I think of it as an excuse to hold hands . He also sat in history today caressing his c*ck through his pants, and looking at me- he admitted he was 'trying to get me to look' and then laughed it off. I also tend to catch him looking at me from the corner of my eye, and that has happened more recently.

Against:
He can also be like this with the other friend, who we will call 'interruption friend' :lol:. He wouldn't dry hump him or do the ruler thing, but I've saw them spoon before (standing up) and it kills me! They often play fight too, and its just unfortunate, put simply. Tom also does the hug from behind thing to interruption friend, more often than to me :dry: He also fancies a girl called, let's see, 'Karen'. He told me how he liked her and what he likes about her. He can be very flirty with her (and me ) at times. I also see him check out girls sometimes. He has used the word 'gay' as an insult before, but never to close friends. He does talk about girls and their asses quite a bit. He has also denied being gay, but not to me.

I'm just confused as to whether he is gay or not. Another important point is he doesn't know I'm gay- well, I hesitantly said no when he asked me. But I think he has his suspicions. I don't want to ruin our friendship but my feelings for him are intense. Like seriously, I can't stand it much longer. I think I should start to flirt with him like he does with me maybe? What advice do you have anyway? I'm just a little disappointed that he is almost equally close to 'interruption friend' than me . Maybe not as platonically close, but not far off at all. Anyway, what do y'all think? :help: P.S thank you for reading all of this, I really appreciate it (&&&)

 

TJ- thanks for that I'm considering coming out to him, as it seems like the most sensible thing to do. Of course, in my dreams, he would say something along the lines of 'me too, and for you'. Of course, that is quite unlikely at this present time. I enjoy the platonic relationship we share, so I wouldn't want that to end if he thought I was gay AND into him (unless he's into me :icon_wink).

Thrnvlpidj, good point

Also, I said something along the lines of 'I would accept them, they are still my friend after all and that wouldn't change'

 

Thanks for the advice guys, its much appreciated

RedDev, I just love how close or friendship is (literally ). That's what I wouldn't want to ruin, but the signals are very strong. I'm just so concious as to how he would react.

I think he bi myself, he's 15 next month so may just be curious but some of the things he does (e.g the question about my reaction if someone told me they were gay) make me think he's more than that.

jonnemack, I can relate to tgar- I just don't want to let such an opportunity go. I may come out to him this week, I just have to pluck up the courage. I'm just so fearful of rejection, even if it does sound unlikely. If the results were very positive, I'd be silly not to take it further

And don't worry, I will definitely keep you all updated on what happens.

 

OK, so a little update for today. I haven't told him yet, but were even closer today, much to my pleasure :icon_wink. He gave me a bear hug during lunch break, and a behind hug/spoon twice today :icon_bigg. Seeing as it's april fools, he said why don't we tell 'interruption friend' we are in a relationship. I went along with it, but it only lasted 5 minutes. Of couse , I wished it would've lasted much longer. We were on the sofas in the library too, and when I was sitting down he came up to me (bearing in mind this is in public) and pushed me down, then lied on top of me moaning. We stayed there for about 15 seconds- it was AMAZING! So I have even more hope now!

The only other people he doesn't act like this as much with me is another group that he is friends with. Idk why, but they are quite judgemental and would probably call him gay for it if he did it too much. He acts a little gay with a couple of those friends, but not HALF as much as with me- he wouldn't lie on top of them and moan anyway! Or dry hump them for that matter :lol:

So anyway, in short, things are looking great. I don't want to tell him just yet (come on courage!), but I won't leave it until too late (hopefully )

 

Well yes, thinking of everything at once, it does seem pretty obvious :lol:
I think that I'll go for option 2, then if something did happen then I'd have my answer. Even if he wasn't even bi, which is extremely unlikely, he'd just carry on as normal if something happened for a one off.

 

Today wasn't so great :icon_sad: I was swimming with him and his other friends at the pool, and all he did was flirt with them. Sure, he paid me attention, but them more so. Then he made a few homophobic comments to them. Its painful to see, I just feel so confused by him :tears:
These mixed signals are getting irritating, I really value our close friendship so don't want to ruin it. There are so many signs he is at least curious, but then there is evidence to suggest otherwise. Help:help:.

 

In a romantic way or just a friendly way? Problem with the former is that there are hardly any gay/bi people in my year, and I don't even talk to those :bang: I would love to see the result though.

If you meant the latter, there is a guy we'll call 'Peter' that I have been hanging out with quite a lot recently. He gets quite jealous of Peter and says stuff like 'all you're bothered about is Peter' or 'you'd rather hang out with Peter than me'. Of course, I still hang out with him a little more so, so that makes me think he's jealous when I'm around other people more than him. But talking of jealousy, I can get jealous when he is hanging around with other people too. We both get jealous, I like him, he may like me, why can't we just be together?!! :***:

 

Well I went out with him today, and again everything was great. See, he is such a good friend and we have a great time together, but I always feel a lust for him no matter what. We sat down after a while and it was one of those amazing silences that you both enjoy. Then something about people at school judging others came up, so I took the opportunity to drop a few hints (thinking about it, I should've came out to him, but anyway...). So I just said ' there are a lot of people who don't say anything about their lives or who they are because they don't know what people will think of them' (I don't care what other people think of me but I just said this anyway). He looked at me in a jokingly sarcastic way and then just smiled. I looked at him about 20 seconds later, and he looked deep in thought. I wish I could've known what he was thinking. The day was good anyway- and I happily bent down behind him when he dropped something and asked if I could get it :eusa_danc

Another thing I've noticed lately is that he sorta acts a little homophobic, but seems obsessive over the topic . Like he'll see someone, and say 'do you think they're gay', or he'll say 'you are looking at gay camp clothes' and laugh, or make a comment on how someone acts gay. He almost seems obsessive and I personally think he's going through a denial stage. He acts gay around me (and others sometimes) and makes a lot of comments about gay people, so it seems kinda obvious. He wants to go the beach with me ALONE this friday, which a straight guy wouldn't normally do (?)

I've also decided that I'm going to come out to him this or next week I think its about time I got it off my chest. I won't make a huge drama out of it, I'll just let it come out casually. Of course, something else might happen in this space of time. We may be having a sleepover in the next two weeks, and those seem to get more 'sexual' every time we go!

PS, thank you to everyone who has given me great advice. You guys have been really helpful and I'd have been clueless without you all, so really, thank you (&&&)